I want my ex-girlfriend back...

[pjammer]

I think you did the right thing. You had to put in this one last bit of effort or I think you would have been dwelling on it for a very long time. It's OK buddy. Now it's time to let go and start thinking about numero uno. Good luck!

You're right...I HAVE to think about myself. If she comes around, she will. If not, I can't control that. I am so grateful for everyone on here for helping me stay positive, keeping me in the right frame of mind, and just helping me try to get through this. Obviously, I would like nothing more than another chance - but that is not my call. I have to let time and her decide that. But for now, you are right, I have to concentrate on me, and bettering myself for ME.

[silentalways]

shakespere's sonnets 44 [my age as well - wink]

 

if the dull substance of my flesh were thought,

injurious distance should not stop my way;

for then, despite of space, i would be brought,

from limits far remote, where doust stay.

now matter then although my foot did stand

upon the farhest earth removed from thee;

for nimble thought can jump both sea and land

as soon as think the place where u would be.

but, ah, thought that kills me that i am not the thought,

oh to leap large lengths of miles when thou art gone,

but that, so much of earth and water wrought

receiving naught by elements so slow

but heavy tears, badges of both woes

[mizzsmiley]

props to you for trying. you must've hurt her really bad to make her want to break up with you in the first place. when i broke up with my ex-boyfriend, he never wrote me letters or sent me flowers, never even called once!!! even though we both knew we still loved each other...he never even tried to get me back! i think it was a game of who would call whom first...guys suck!

[pjammer]

props to you for trying. you must've hurt her really bad to make her want to break up with you in the first place. when i broke up with my ex-boyfriend, he never wrote me letters or sent me flowers, never even called once!!! even though we both knew we still loved each other...he never even tried to get me back! i think it was a game of who would call whom first...guys suck!

Thank you...Im trying because I really do love her so much. I just made some stupid, immature mistakes which doesnt look good in the first place, and doesnt look good because of our age difference (im 23 she is 31). But I really would do anything to get a 2nd chance to show I've learned from everything. To be honest, right now, I dont know what else to do. Everyone keeps saying No Contact, but I dont think that will do any good. I havent talked to her in nearly 2 months now, so I have no idea about what she thinks about all of this. And I didnt hear from her over the weekend, since I am sure she got the things I sent her.

 

I am really open to ANY advice here. I am doing my best to stay positive, but it hurts so much, still, every single day, and it has been 2 1/2 months since we broke up. Emotionally, for me, it hasnt gotten much better. That is just 1 of the many reasons how I know that I really do love her. A lot of people just say "Move on", but it is MUCH easier said than done, especially when you love someone more than anything else in the world. I really dont know what else to do. Please help...

[Guest]

Call her, get some closure. Make sure she understands everything and just hope for the best. Call her for dinner or maybe a walk at a local park.

 

If that doesn't work, don't continue with it.

 

I'll pray for ya.

[hollywood24]

http://www.thesecret.tv

 

if you're short on cash, torrent it, and pay it later. Only $5, it's just like renting a movie. I've watch it twice already (yesterday) and it made me feel better each time.

[pjammer]

Call her, get some closure. Make sure she understands everything and just hope for the best. Call her for dinner or maybe a walk at a local park.

 

If that doesn't work, don't continue with it.

 

I'll pray for ya.

I was thinking about doing this sometime around Christmas/New Years. I think I will do this

[pjammer]

I also got a question about gifts I got her for the Holidays. I got everything before we broke up. I am just wondering if it would be appropriate to still give them to her, because I got them for her, and I cant give them to anyone else. I will just brieftly list what I got, and I would appreciate some advice.

 

First off, I got her a Pearl Jam poster from a show back in '03 that she went to, before she even met me. She didnt get one at the show, and I knew she wanted it very much. It is a rare poster, and is worth about $250.

 

I also got her some candles and bath stuff. She loves these things.

 

And lastly, I got her something that I know would mean a lot to her - a gold necklace with a Mother's Day stone. Just some brief history about this - her Mom died when she was only 16. She talked a lot about her, and I got this for her to give her something to remember her by, and to show I really cared and understood all she went through.

 

Right now, I just dont know what to do with it all. I really want to give it to her because I did get all of these things for her - and I got them all before this mess happened. It is not like I went out and got it after all of this happened to try to buy her back - I would never do that. I think I have to atleast give her the poster and the necklace because both would mean so much to her. And input would be helpful...thanks!

[notmakingsense]

pjammer -- please. Tell the truth to yourself... are you secretly wishing for a response from her? Why put yourself through this torture? She already hasn't responded to the last bit of stuff you sent. Your gifts are awesome, but if she does respond, it will be out of guilt, not out of true intention. Do you want that? Do you really think you can "gift" your way back in to a relationship?

 

As long as you are still in love with her -- the more important it is that you not send these gifts. Not because of her, but because of you. You need to take dramatic steps like not sending her things to begin the process of healing.

 

Use eBay and sell the things that others will enjoy. It will be an important step for you.

[pjammer]

pjammer -- please. Tell the truth to yourself... are you secretly wishing for a response from her? Why put yourself through this torture? She already hasn't responded to the last bit of stuff you sent. Your gifts are awesome, but if she does respond, it will be out of guilt, not out of true intention. Do you want that? Do you really think you can "gift" your way back in to a relationship?

 

As long as you are still in love with her -- the more important it is that you not send these gifts. Not because of her, but because of you. You need to take dramatic steps like not sending her things to begin the process of healing.

 

Use eBay and sell the things that others will enjoy. It will be an important step for you.

funny you should bring up eBay, since that was one problem that we had, and led to an even bigger problem (part of which I was dishonest to her about). You are right, it isnt doing me any good to send her things and not get a response, but I just want another chance so bad, I would do anything. I still think that around new years, I am going to call her and ask to meet-up somewhere neutral. But you are probably right, for now, I shouldnt give her the gifts. But I still dont know what to do with them. Hopofully, in the best case, I can give them to her somewhere down the line.

[Kelso]

Dude ... I've been following your story since the week you broke up - and I must say ... IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE ON. My ex broke up with me at the same time as your broke up with you. It's kind of funny, but our posts for the first weeks look almost the same and the topic was of course "how can I get my ex back".

 

I just read about the christmas presents you got her. It's really kind and an amazing present. But think it through ... are you gonna feel any better if you send her the stuff? Especially after you've sent her the scrapbook and you didn't even get a "thank you" text message. Sell the poster on the ebay and get YOURSELF a $200 pair of designer jeans. At least it will make you feel better and boost your confidence.

 

It's time for you to go and look in a mirror, and except the fact that you and her are history. I know it's cold hearted of me to say something like this. But I think it's the truth. It took me time to realize this too, but after I stopped thinking of us getting back together, I've been healing a lot faster. Of course I have down days inbetween and then I try to think about everything I didn't like our relationship. Also one thing that has helped me is that when she pops up, I tell myself that I can't deal with this right now and I tell myself that I will give all thoughts about her half an hour, before I go to sleep.

 

I'm gonna give you some advice that helped me getting further from my ex and I hope you can use them:

* I gave myself a date, after that date, I wasn't gonna allow me to think of her that much. (You could pick Jan 1st, after that...no Ms. Ex).

* I packed all the stuff that reminded me of her in a box which I keep at my parents house. That way I didn't have the access to that stuff unless getting over there.

* I gave clothes that she gave me to the Red Cross, hope someone can use it.

* I burned all the photos of us together on a CD and I keep it in the box at my parents. Then I deleted it all from my computer. They used to be popping up at my computer all the time that I least wanted to think about her.

* I had my friend come over and let him choose a password, that I must type correctly to be able to visit her MySpace and blog. That way...I can't do it unless I ask him

* I also put her number under parenting lock in my cellphone and asked my friend to choose a pass-number. That way I can't call her unless he tells me the number. Helps me a lot, especially in preventing drunk dialling and text messaging.

* I deleted her and her friends from my MSN - although she doesn't use it a lot, the window alerting me that her friends were coming online reminded me of her.

* I asked my friends not to mention her, especially not while we were having a beer.

* I burned all of the songs that remind me of her to a CD and put it in the box. Although I like the music, it wakes this feeling inside of me that I don't need now. There will be a plenty of time in the life to listen to those songs. Look forward to it

* I went on two dates. Although I couldn't feel any sparks with neither of those girls, it will help you to see something that a girl might have that yours didn't.

Finally, and this is still probably the biggest thing yet in my recovery. Limit your visits to LoveShack. First after we broke up, I came to LS to find some support. It helped me A LOT. But as the time passed, I came here occasionally during the day, even when I wasn't feeling down. Logging on here has now kind of turned against me. By saying that, I mean that now I often log on here without being down - but LS reminds me of her and I feel bad afterwards. I think you (and definetly I), should limit our visits to LS for once a day, at least for a while.

 

But I really mean what I said about the day you must choose. I say January 1st, because I guess it's impossible to start to get over someone completely during the christmas. Don't call her - Let her call you. If she doesn't call you ... you can look at it as a closure and be sure that you guys won't be getting back together. I say January 1st.

 

Good luck and stay strong ... Hope my opinion will help you getting over the pain...

 

Kelso

[erhan_j]

Like Kelso, I have been following your story ever since you posted.

We are in the same position, although my girlfriend and I knew each other longer.

 

I have been in a relationship with this girl for almost a year and a half, I proposed to her and everything. Our relationship WAS AMAZING. We got in a huge fight one day (our first big argument) and without even ending it, she just stopped talking to me. A week later I find out she is with someone else (a rebound relationship).

 

I did everything. I sent her flowers, an autographed hat by her favorite comedian for her birthday, and I did the book thing. That was within the first two weeks of our break up. I went no contact for a month until she calls me saying how good I was in bed and how much she misses me and loves me and how she always thinks about me. We talked until 4 am laughing and it was a really good conversation. Despite the phone call, I never heard from her again. It's been another month of no contact, so I decided to call her up one day for some closure and she said she didn't want to hear from me and didn't want to be my friend.

 

At that point, I realized I have done everything and that I needed to respect her wishes and just move on with my life.

 

Remember that a relationship takes commitment from both ends to make it work. Allow yourself to heal.

 

Kelso gave some good advice, I took a different route:

 

* Listened to all her CD's as much as possible until I got sick of them.

* I took everything of hers and made a little time capsule for later and hid it in my basement.

* Like Kelso, I consolidated my thoughts until later. I set aside two hours at night to walk in the park where I proposed to her.

* I forced myself to mentally accept her new relationship and accepted the fact that she would be having sex with someone else. Weight lifting helped a lot to get over that.

 

Part of loving someone is letting go. I found I had to forgive her for her actions and I had to forgive myself for my mistakes. You will always love her, just be grateful that you fell in love and had a taste of it with somone so special.

 

Relationships require more than just love and if this girl dosn't want to make it work, YOU HAVE DONE EVERYTHING YOU COULD.

 

Imagine if you found someone who loved you and did all the things you did for her, how awesome would that be?

 

Think of it this way, if you just disappear she will get curious as to what happened to you. If you keep hanging on, she will begin to lose respect and will consider you as a "backup" while she keeps looking.

 

Go out there and find someone who really loves you and build a relationship better than before. Practice makes perfect

 

Good luck.

[notmakingsense]

Nicely said Erhan...

[jon55]

It's alot harder when you and the girl are still friends (and you like her but are kinda getting over her at the same time), and occasionally hang out in the same group (but that's only when everyone's back from college). Trust me.

[pjammer]

Havent been on for a while, as per some suggestions to keep away for a while. Today has been rough for me - would have been our 1-year anniversary, and I still havent heard from her. I sent her an email 2 days ago, saying I needed some of my things back that she had, and just said some other things that were on my mind.

 

I am trying to move on, but it is just so hard for me. I guess the hardest part is the fact that I dont understand why she wont talk to me. It is not like I abused her or cheated on her. I did some stupid things, and lied to her, and I have told her numerous times how sorry I am for doing it. Apparently, she doesnt want to forgive me, which is hard to swallow, but what can I do...

 

Kelso, I know what u said to pack away the things that we had together, or things she gave me, and just put them away, but I dont know if I can do that. I really think I need to send her back everything in order for me to move on. She felt the need to return a christmas card I sent her, so I feel I should do the same - send her back all the cards she sent me while we were together, and everything else I have. That is just so hard for me to do because I keep thinking back, how happy we both were, how happy she said I made her feel and how I had done things for her that no one else had ever done. I guess none of that was enough to give me another chance.

 

So I guess even continuing to think about getting her back is pointless at this point. As much as I would love to atleast just talk to her, obviously she doesnt want it. I have realized I just want her to be happy because atleast one of us should be. It is just ashame she has to act this way, and it seems like she is treating me unfairly, but what can I do - nothing.

[whizzle]

Havent been on for a while, as per some suggestions to keep away for a while. Today has been rough for me - would have been our 1-year anniversary, and I still havent heard from her. I sent her an email 2 days ago, saying I needed some of my things back that she had, and just said some other things that were on my mind.

 

I am trying to move on, but it is just so hard for me. I guess the hardest part is the fact that I dont understand why she wont talk to me. It is not like I abused her or cheated on her. I did some stupid things, and lied to her, and I have told her numerous times how sorry I am for doing it. Apparently, she doesnt want to forgive me, which is hard to swallow, but what can I do...

 

Kelso, I know what u said to pack away the things that we had together, or things she gave me, and just put them away, but I dont know if I can do that. I really think I need to send her back everything in order for me to move on. She felt the need to return a christmas card I sent her, so I feel I should do the same - send her back all the cards she sent me while we were together, and everything else I have. That is just so hard for me to do because I keep thinking back, how happy we both were, how happy she said I made her feel and how I had done things for her that no one else had ever done. I guess none of that was enough to give me another chance.

 

So I guess even continuing to think about getting her back is pointless at this point. As much as I would love to atleast just talk to her, obviously she doesnt want it. I have realized I just want her to be happy because atleast one of us should be. It is just ashame she has to act this way, and it seems like she is treating me unfairly, but what can I do - nothing.

 

screw that, it's not worth it anymore, and she doesn't deserve any more of your thoughts and concerns. You're better than that.

[pjammer]

screw that, it's not worth it anymore, and she doesn't deserve any more of your thoughts and concerns. You're better than that.

you're probably right, but it is so hard ot let go because the whole situation confuses me. I just wish she could tell me why she cant forgive me or talk to me. I guess that is what is keeping me from completely moving on...

[myhotrod123456789]

i just read through this entire thread. some of it sounds really painful. i could tell that everytime you would claim that you were doing things for yourself, you really werent. you need to be honest with yourself. you are doing these things to elicit a response from her. i saw all the comments of people saying not to send the scrapbook and seeing your attitude towards that. it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. like everyone else here, i am not trying to be harsh, but at some point you need to look at the pattern as to how she is acting towards you (ie. she doesnt have the decency to say 'happy thanksgiving' back to you?). if i were you, i would start a list of all the things you have done while in the relationship and since that have not received the response you were hoping for. as this list grows, i think you will see how much hurt and rejection you have been through because of her. how can someone who loved you reject you so many times? i mentally note all the times ive been dissapointed as a result of contact to my ex and it helps me not do it anymore. another thing that has helped me is trying to look a year in the future. imagine yourself being very happy with some other girl. then look back on where you are right now and how desperate and needy you seem. it will not be something to be proud of. like everyone else has said, it will only get better with time. good luck to you.

[whizzle]

then look back on where you are right now and how desperate and needy you seem. it will not be something to be proud of. like everyone else has said, it will only get better with time. good luck to you.

 

 

This is soooo true. I had an AIM conversation with my ex the last time I talked to her. I saved it for future reference. And wow, did I sound pathetic. I was sincere, but a major puss and needy. I've since deleted it because I really have no reason to keep it around, and deleting it is a part of moving on, but I'm glad I saved it when I did because I learned a lot from it. At the time I knew what to do and what not to do, but it's much harder when you are acually in the situation and you don't really realized how bad you sound at the time becuase you have so many emotions running through you.