I need my ex-girlfriend back...

[pjammer]

Me and my girlfriend were dating for 8 months. Things were great, and we both told each other that we had never felt this way or been best friends w/ a gf/bf before. I did some stupid things to push her feelings away - I didnt tell her the whole truth about some things, and sometimes I could be arrogant or annoying to others when she was around me, which I know she didnt like. I didnt cheat or do anything physical. It was nothing I did on purpose or to hurt her. I just made some mistakes that I know are not in my nature, and I want to show her the real me again, and that I have grown-up and changed for the best.

 

She broke up with me about 5 weeks ago. I sent her flowers, letters, etc. I know that I shouldnt have done this, but thats in the past. Her friend told me she just wants to be alone right now, so Ive decided to leave her alone for a month. I know I love her and it hurts me that I didnt tell her that before all of this happened.

 

But I know that I love her, and that she is the one for me. I could just see it every time I looked into her eyes and saw her face. When I saw her, I saw me.

 

One thing that may affect this is that she IS older than me - Im 23, she's 31. But I am not so sure this had anything to do with it because she wouldnt have stuck with me for 8 months if she didnt think we could be for each other.

 

I am willing to give her space, and around the beginning of December, I will contact her again, ask her to just go out and have a friendly date. Any advice on how to show her that I am better than I was before? How I have changed, and how we can be even stronger than we were before?

 

Anyone have any advice? Thanks...

[ilmw]

Me and my girlfriend were dating for 8 months. Things were great, and we both told each other that we had never felt this way or been best friends w/ a gf/bf before. I did some stupid things to push her feelings away - I didnt tell her the whole truth about some things, and sometimes I could be arrogant or annoying to others when she was around me, which I know she didnt like. I didnt cheat or do anything physical. It was nothing I did on purpose or to hurt her. I just made some mistakes that I know are not in my nature, and I want to show her the real me again, and that I have grown-up and changed for the best.

 

She broke up with me about 5 weeks ago. I sent her flowers, letters, etc. I know that I shouldnt have done this, but thats in the past. Her friend told me she just wants to be alone right now, so Ive decided to leave her alone for a month. I know I love her and it hurts me that I didnt tell her that before all of this happened.

 

But I know that I love her, and that she is the one for me. I could just see it every time I looked into her eyes and saw her face. When I saw her, I saw me.

 

One thing that may affect this is that she IS older than me - Im 23, she's 31. But I am not so sure this had anything to do with it because she wouldnt have stuck with me for 8 months if she didnt think we could be for each other.

 

I am willing to give her space, and around the beginning of December, I will contact her again, ask her to just go out and have a friendly date. Any advice on how to show her that I am better than I was before? How I have changed, and how we can be even stronger than we were before?

 

Anyone have any advice? Thanks...

 

First of all... lose the word NEED... nobody needs anyone.. You may want very much to be with someone...But you don't NEED them...

 

Do what you are doing with the no contact... and expect to get lots of advice.. take it...

 

all the best...

 

ilmw

[pjammer]

First of all... lose the word NEED... nobody needs anyone.. You may want very much to be with someone...But you don't NEED them...

 

Do what you are doing with the no contact... and expect to get lots of advice.. take it...

 

all the best...

 

ilmw

yea, you're right...I WANT her, dont need her. But I feel that if I just dont talk to her, she is going to forget me and completely move on.

[pjammer]

First of all... lose the word NEED... nobody needs anyone.. You may want very much to be with someone...But you don't NEED them...

 

Do what you are doing with the no contact... and expect to get lots of advice.. take it...

 

all the best...

 

ilmw

And its so hard to not know how she is feeling about this whole situation.

 

Also, how long is long enough before I contact her again?

[anzojr]

Ok, here is your answer to your question of when the right time is. But let me tell you something simular between us.

I also got dumped in the end of Sep. We have an age difference, she is 20, I am 28. Age is but a number, never make that an issue. She has another guy, rebound I can tell. But I stay positive.

 

This is when you are ready: When you love yourself, are happy with yourself, and you don't feel any NEED. NC clears your mind of her, over time. As soon as you KNOW that you can speak with her, about anything EXCEPT the relationship, you are ready. Until this point, you are not ready.

 

So try new things, casually date people...flirt, just HAVE FUN. Do things you neglected over the past 8 months. I know I stopped going to the gym, so now I go again. Try new activities like a new hobby or something. But most importantly, find inner peace with yourself.

 

Think positively about everything in life, and what it has to offer you, and what you have to offer others. Don't let her know you have changed, but rather, you show it through your positive attitude with yourself, and wellbeing.

 

I too am still going through this. It has been since Oct. 18th now in total NC. Does it hurt, sometimes, but each day is a new one, and I feel better about where I am going and doing.

Best of luck to you.

Keep the faith, and stay positive.

[pjammer]

Ok, here is your answer to your question of when the right time is. But let me tell you something simular between us.

I also got dumped in the end of Sep. We have an age difference, she is 20, I am 28. Age is but a number, never make that an issue. She has another guy, rebound I can tell. But I stay positive.

 

This is when you are ready: When you love yourself, are happy with yourself, and you don't feel any NEED. NC clears your mind of her, over time. As soon as you KNOW that you can speak with her, about anything EXCEPT the relationship, you are ready. Until this point, you are not ready.

 

So try new things, casually date people...flirt, just HAVE FUN. Do things you neglected over the past 8 months. I know I stopped going to the gym, so now I go again. Try new activities like a new hobby or something. But most importantly, find inner peace with yourself.

 

Think positively about everything in life, and what it has to offer you, and what you have to offer others. Don't let her know you have changed, but rather, you show it through your positive attitude with yourself, and wellbeing.

 

I too am still going through this. It has been since Oct. 18th now in total NC. Does it hurt, sometimes, but each day is a new one, and I feel better about where I am going and doing.

Best of luck to you.

Keep the faith, and stay positive.

I appreciate it, and that is good advice. Good luck with your situation as well. I know I have to do things for myself, because in the end, all we have is ourselves. I did neglect going to the gym for about 6 weeks (little before and after we broke up). But now I have been going every day. I play guitar and play tennis, and just got a full-time job (which was one of the reasons she was upset with me - said I was still living in the 'post-college' mode, which I could understand from her perspective being 31 and having a job for 8 years).

 

Fact of the matter is, I was being childish and selfish. I would brush her off when she tried to give me advice - I took it as nagging. As for days getting "better," I wouldnt say better, I would say less worse. At first I was just moping around the house, not doing a damn thing. I actually lost 15-20 pounds in the past 6 weeks from lack of eating. Now I am trying to get myself out doing things, going to the gym, staying busy, and working on my own flaws - flaws and mistakes that led to the break-up.

 

I know that there is no specific time-area on NC, I guess I will have to play it by ear. I will see where I am at in a month in early DEC (if she hasnt contacted me by then), and see if I am up to talking to her. But most of all, I am worried about her not answering or returning my call. I really am not sure why she would continue to ignore me after NC because, even when we broke up, she said to me that she can't predict the future, and we might re-connect in the future. I am not sure what this means to her, so I dont know why she wouldnt want to talk ot me at all. I guess I have to just take it one day at a time...

[Findingmyself]

It's me, anzojr again, but now I have a membership...so here it goes.

Good job of getting back to the gym. Also, I too started to pick up my guitar some more. It feels good to do these things.

Don't worry about her. A wise man once told me: "Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere." Van Wilder, smart man, funny movie.

Just stop doing these things, and trust me, I need to take to heart my own advice: Stop worrying about her, and her situation. Stop thinking about where she is, what she is doing.

Just let go, completely. Until this happens, NC is the way to go. How do I know this you ask. Because I have been here before. Years ago, I thought I messed up badly, and hurt a girl (emotionally). I thought I lost her forever. Turns out, about a year later, she was back, and we knew we still loved each other. It took a year, but took about 6 months to get back in touch with her as a regular person, and not my ex. Why? Because I dated other people, had fun, improved my well beeing. If we could just repeat this for our TRUE LOVE, it will all sort itself out in the end.

Good luck!

[pjammer]

It's me, anzojr again, but now I have a membership...so here it goes.

Good job of getting back to the gym. Also, I too started to pick up my guitar some more. It feels good to do these things.

Don't worry about her. A wise man once told me: "Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere." Van Wilder, smart man, funny movie.

Just stop doing these things, and trust me, I need to take to heart my own advice: Stop worrying about her, and her situation. Stop thinking about where she is, what she is doing.

Just let go, completely. Until this happens, NC is the way to go. How do I know this you ask. Because I have been here before. Years ago, I thought I messed up badly, and hurt a girl (emotionally). I thought I lost her forever. Turns out, about a year later, she was back, and we knew we still loved each other. It took a year, but took about 6 months to get back in touch with her as a regular person, and not my ex. Why? Because I dated other people, had fun, improved my well beeing. If we could just repeat this for our TRUE LOVE, it will all sort itself out in the end.

Good luck!

I understand, but its so hard to just not talk to her when I really do love her so much - it hurts every single day. But from what everyone on here is saying, NC is the best way to go. I, by no means, am going to give up on her. I wont give up because 1) I know I love her, 2) I was the one who screwed up, and I have to take care of my own problems first, and 3) I dont want to be with anyone else. But right now, like I said, it is just paining me everyday that I cant talk to her. I think about her all day and night, but it has gotten a little better. I still cry a little bit, but not as much as when it first happened. I guess all I can do right now is live my own life, and hope that she is willing to see that I have changed for the better.

[ur mom]

sounds like u know what ur doin, keep it up. i feel ur pain i did pretty much the same stuff and now im payin the price. but stay strong and everything will happen the way its supposed to. later!

[pjammer]

sounds like u know what ur doin, keep it up. i feel ur pain i did pretty much the same stuff and now im payin the price. but stay strong and everything will happen the way its supposed to. later!

thanks...i hope it works out. And yes, I know I made mistakes early on after the break-up, but I am doing things for myself now. Hopefully she will realize this, and eventually give us another chance.