Rooster_DAR Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 My Ex wants to reconcile, and claims she has finally found true love with me after N/C of 3 moths. I went to pickup some things from our house, and she proceeded to spill her guts. She was crying while explaining how she did actually get involved with a guy she works with, and it happened to be the guy I knew it was the whole time. (This proves to me and should to everyone else, gut instincts can be very accurate.) She talked about all the things that went wrong, on her end and mine as well. She stated that she is sorry and takes a brunt of the responsibility for what happened. I initially told her I cannot come back, but started having second thoughts after she offered details of everything that happened. She also said she wants to do whatever it takes to not lose me again, and that includes anything that I ask her to do. We spent the day visting her family and the evening at dinner and movies. I did not spend the night with her, but went shopping out of town with her the next day and it was just like old times. We brought up the whole thing a few times off and on, and communicated probably better than we ever have. There are a few things that bothered me however, and I let her know it really bothered me. She said she was in a serious relationship with this guy, and she needed to break it off with him but she wanted to know what my decision was. Second, his vehicle is parked in our garage and she said he supposed to come down and spend Christmas with her. I am furious and it pisses me off to no end that she could be in a serious relationship with this guy only after a few months, and that they slept together in the bed we bought together. She did state the obviuos, the she was forthcoming and truthful about the whole thing. I understand that we were broken up, but jesus after only 3 months c'mon people. I have dated a few women and slept with them as well, so I cannot be a hipocrit here. The difference here is that I could never get emotionally involved that quickly (at least that's how I feel at this point). I do love her very much, and I know she loves me, but I am uncertain about everything. I have learned quite a bit here on LS, so I guess I kind of rely on you guys's opinion. I understand the ultimate decision is mine, but I want to get input from people on the outside. She says for the past week (this was during N/C) she has been sleeping everynight with my ring on her hand, and she does not want to live her life without me. The strong part of me says, don't believe a **ing word she says, but the part of me that loves here says give her a chance. She had what I would call an emotional affair two years ago with someone she works with, and was able to shake that off only after I intervened with what I suspected. I fairly sure that it did not get physical, but regardless she lied about the whole thing. I guess if I were to give myself advice, I'd practice what LUVTOTO always states "Believe 10% of what you here, and 90% of what you see". Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated! Regards, Link to post Share on other sites
shawn_68 Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 My Ex wants to reconcile, and claims she has finally found true love with me after N/C of 3 moths. I went to pickup some things from our house, and she proceeded to spill her guts. She was crying while explaining how she did actually get involved with a guy she works with, and it happened to be the guy I knew it was the whole time. Rooster, that's an inspiring story. But really the most important question is can you really trust her again? Can you? Hope things work out the way you want them to. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 She said she was in a serious relationship with this guy, and she needed to break it off with him but she wanted to know what my decision was. You should've told her that you'll have to get back to her on that, because you're busy juggling three new girlfriends at the moment. I understand the ultimate decision is mine Au contraire. The ultimate decision is hers. It really sounds to me like she just wants to see if you're enough of a chump to take her back so that she can have the pleasure of dumping you a second time. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated! That uneasy gut feeling you have is dead on. As you say, gut feelings are correct 99.9% of the time. Say bub-bye. No contact means no contact; not an occasional shopping trip, etc. Find a new girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 You should've told her that you'll have to get back to her on that, because you're busy juggling three new girlfriends at the moment. I did tell her that. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 I did tell her that. and then went to dinner and a movie with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Krying Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 It sounds like you love her, but at the same time you are expressing some serious things that really trouble you. Gut feelings are there for a reason. The fact she hasn't left her guy is a sign. And it's a huge one. As they say, women will not leave one branch until grabbing hold of another. If she truly wants to be with you, she will leave her guy, stop all contact and do whatever it takes to win you back. Not find out first if you will take her back, but do it anyway out of her love for wanting to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 My Ex wants to reconcile, I have two thoughts, and . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 I have two thoughts, and . I get the , but what is the ? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 What is the ? Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 I agree with some of what Krying stated. 1) wtf is up with this, I want to know if I can get back with you before I break up with him? That's not right. If she wants to be with you, she should dump him. Otherwise, it would be really interesting to tell him what she told you...then maybe he would dump her and she would be SOL and not have either of you!!! 2) she seems to be developing a pattern of affairs - even an emotional affair is an affair and who knows why she didn't (IF she didn't) sleep with him - could be he had morals, could be he wasn't into her, etc.. but now she has obviously graduated to a physical one with the guy she is with now. Ya know, the one she is in a "serious relationship" after 3 months with now and whose car is in your garage and who thinks he is coming to visit her at Xmas. I don't know Roos, she doesn't sound like a very nice woman. I'd be very very hesitant with the whole thing. "they say, women will not leave one branch until grabbing hold of another" oh.. btw, I am one of those women who doesn't go from one branch to another but I will say my x husband had done that and did that with every relationship he has ever had. Don't dump one until he had another one right there. Can't say it's just women who do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 I think she's still really into you, but she's just confused about what she wants. I mean, come on, she wouldn't be spending all this time with you if she didn't want a serious relationship down the road. If I were you, I'd just give her as much time as she needs. I wouldn't date other people either, because that could make her think that you're not that into her. Link to post Share on other sites
ddnnee Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 i am a cynical guy and from my pov, i say she started it and she got a taste of other guys. others are probably not as good and successful as you are and now she wants back. I say if you kill your mother, u better go to jail. You can't kill your mom then say "oh now i know i shouldn't have done that, forgive me?" If i were you, then i would continue to move away from her and juggle 3 girlfriends. 3 > 1. 3 is better. Link to post Share on other sites
SurvivingHB Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 I agree with some of what Krying stated. 1) wtf is up with this, I want to know if I can get back with you before I break up with him? That's not right. If she wants to be with you, she should dump him. Otherwise, it would be really interesting to tell him what she told you...then maybe he would dump her and she would be SOL and not have either of you!!! 2) she seems to be developing a pattern of affairs - even an emotional affair is an affair and who knows why she didn't (IF she didn't) sleep with him - could be he had morals, could be he wasn't into her, etc.. but now she has obviously graduated to a physical one with the guy she is with now. Ya know, the one she is in a "serious relationship" after 3 months with now and whose car is in your garage and who thinks he is coming to visit her at Xmas. I don't know Roos, she doesn't sound like a very nice woman. I'd be very very hesitant with the whole thing. "they say, women will not leave one branch until grabbing hold of another" oh.. btw, I am one of those women who doesn't go from one branch to another but I will say my x husband had done that and did that with every relationship he has ever had. Don't dump one until he had another one right there. Can't say it's just women who do that. Totally agreed. She seems to have some kinda problems being faithful to the person she is sleeping with... What changes have she made in the past few months that makse her a better person? I would ask her what's wrong with her current bf and why it does not work out. I would also challenge her why she thinks it will workout between you and her this time. Just my 2 cents... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 If she wants u back so bad, why is the other dude's car still in the garage of the home that the two of you shared, And why is she planning on seeing him at Christmas??? Sounds like she's only going to dump him IF you say yes to taking her back...Which means she STILL isnt being 100% honest! Rooster, You've been very cut and dry, down right cold, and even borderline insensitive to some of the posters on LS (myself included. Im just not logged in at the moment) So, now its YOUR turn to take what you have previously dished out: Look into the mirror and tell yourself what you would have likely told any of us. Its over. She is using you as a plan B. You are being played. Welcome to the world of harsh reality. Doesn't feel so good, does it? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Your ex sounds a lot like the girl who initially led me to seek out this site 4 years ago. Similar situation, and the same kind of grandiose promises. If you get back together, there's a good chance she'll stick to what she says for a few days or weeks, but eventually the resentment will surface and she'll start to find reasons to back out of her promises. The first fight you guys get into, she'll probably seek out the comfort of the current guy she's with. Good luck, man. Link to post Share on other sites
slimmontana Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Rooster I just read your post..that is scary man, I have a feeling my ex girl will be doing the same thing a few months down the road. I understand your situation Rooster, you don't want to take her back just to be disappointed again and you don't want to let her go because this could be a chance for you guys to be happy. Dilemma Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 If she wants u back so bad, why is the other dude's car still in the garage of the home that the two of you shared, And why is she planning on seeing him at Christmas??? Sounds like she's only going to dump him IF you say yes to taking her back...Which means she STILL isnt being 100% honest! Rooster, You've been very cut and dry, down right cold, and even borderline insensitive to some of the posters on LS (myself included. Im just not logged in at the moment) So, now its YOUR turn to take what you have previously dished out: Look into the mirror and tell yourself what you would have likely told any of us. Its over. She is using you as a plan B. You are being played. Welcome to the world of harsh reality. Doesn't feel so good, does it? Your comments are exactly the advice I would give someone else, and I am listening with eyes wide open. I have decided to stick with my plan to take care of myself, and only believe what I see and not here. Yes, this sounded to me like she was presenting an ultimatum so she could decide what she should do, which I am very uneasy about. She was forthcoming, but you know what? I already told her all of this along time ago after I figured it out for myself. That's why I told her I won't be suprised by anything she told even though she thought I would. We do have a long history together, and I guess this is the only reason I considered even listening to what she had to say. I am getting different advice from people, but for the most part almost everyone agrees with you guys and that is don't fall for it. I have decided to wait on any decision for a while and I will be going to my therapist for her input on this. This therapist has seen my EX and my ex told me that she had come clean to the therapist as well, so my therapist may be able to provide some sort of unbiased opinion. At this time, I am still very pissed of and standoffish to my ex, and she knows that. The only postitives for me is that she is attempting to be forthcoming and truthful about everything, but the fact she is still with this guy draws some serious problems for me. It would appear that the whole monkey and branch thing is very plausable, and that's what I see here. She also told me she has to break up with this guy and she feels terrible about it, because now she has hurt two people badly. My statement to her was, now I hope you understand the consequences of your decisions and what all of this has caused. She agreed and took responsibility for all of it. Anyway, thanks for your opinions and re-iterating some of the statements I have commented to other people about, it really keeps me with a good understanding of what I need to do. Regards, Link to post Share on other sites
Heart66 Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Rooster, Here to admit it was me who gave it right back to you the other day as "guest!" I was short on time and not logged in, but felt the need to comment. I don't want to appear as being a cop out by lashing out as "guest," so I am telling you--it was me. Sorry if I came across as a b*tch, but I really needed for you to have a taste of your own medicine. You are very good at "callling it as you see it" with other peoples feelings, and I just wanted you to take your own advice!! Be as hard on yourself as you are sometimes hard on us! I realize that you give honest advice with the best intentions. But sometimes you are almost mean--and I wanted you to wake yourself up, as you so often wake us up! It seems that you took my post EXACTLY how I intended it. You didn't take my lashing too personally, yet you understood my point! I am very glad for that. I am also very glad that you are not running back into this girl's arms. IF you take her back at all, she needs to earn it. I still say she still isn't being completley honest! WTF is up with her needing to know if youre going to take her back BEFORE she dumps the other dude? Whatever. Its your choice, and I wish you luck. But the next time youre questioning yourself...stop for a moment and ask yourself: If this wasn't MY issue, what would I advise my fellow posters on LS to do? Good Luck, Heart66 Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 You're welcome and I think you are doing the right thing by talking with your therapist about it and not rushing into anything. Link to post Share on other sites
bluebabe_95 Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Rooster, you have moved on and was better without her. Why would you want to go through all of the hardships again?? I think that she's just the type of person who has to be with somebody. But then again, if you really love her, maybe it is worth it to give it another chance. You don't want to go through life thinking "what if?". Just think hard on this, ok? You don't want to go through the entire grieving and coping process again. It's terribly painful. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 Rooster, Here to admit it was me who gave it right back to you the other day as "guest!" I was short on time and not logged in, but felt the need to comment. I don't want to appear as being a cop out by lashing out as "guest," so I am telling you--it was me. Sorry if I came across as a b*tch, but I really needed for you to have a taste of your own medicine. You are very good at "callling it as you see it" with other peoples feelings, and I just wanted you to take your own advice!! Be as hard on yourself as you are sometimes hard on us! I realize that you give honest advice with the best intentions. But sometimes you are almost mean--and I wanted you to wake yourself up, as you so often wake us up! It seems that you took my post EXACTLY how I intended it. You didn't take my lashing too personally, yet you understood my point! I am very glad for that. I am also very glad that you are not running back into this girl's arms. IF you take her back at all, she needs to earn it. I still say she still isn't being completley honest! WTF is up with her needing to know if youre going to take her back BEFORE she dumps the other dude? Whatever. Its your choice, and I wish you luck. But the next time youre questioning yourself...stop for a moment and ask yourself: If this wasn't MY issue, what would I advise my fellow posters on LS to do? Good Luck, Heart66 I have not made any kind of decision yet, I just listened to what she had to say. I don't blame you for being blunt, sounds like your were ready to get back at me though and I need to here that as well (just don't do it again):lmao: I feel I will make the right decisions, and practice what I preach. I do love her, but I will be no lush and fall right back into her arms. Just as you said and I would tell anyone else, at this point she has to prove anything that she says by her actions. At this point, I am very skeptical about the whole thing and honestly don't think it will ever work again. At this point she is calling me and when I don't answer, she's sending me text messages asking why I'm igonring here and am I with someone? This is a red flag with me as well, and I bitched her ass out for it last night. She claims she's insecure because I've been going out with a girl that lives here locally. I said, WTF! if anybody should be insecure it should be me, your in a serious relationship with this guy and his **king car is in our garage. Anyway, she says that since he lives in another state it's not the same, the girl I've been going out with lives in the same city. I'm getting aggravated again, end of transmission. Thanks for the responses YA'LL!, you guys rock!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Thanks for the responses YA'LL!, you guys rock!!!! wait, I didn't reply yet... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 wait, I didn't reply yet... You don't have to, I already know what you are thinking. But then you knew I would reply, so that proves my point. :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
dr strangelove Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 I havent said anything either. I usually have some comment to make, which you can ignore or... Meanwhile until I read through your posts and background. Can I ask you being from Texas, do you own a cowboy hat? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rooster_DAR Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 I havent said anything either. I usually have some comment to make, which you can ignore or... Meanwhile until I read through your posts and background. Can I ask you being from Texas, do you own a cowboy hat? Are you **cking crazy, if you saw me you would not even be asking that question. I am from Texas, but I really don't like the state much. I do like Austin, that's because it reminds me of California. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
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