closeau Posted November 6, 2006 Share Posted November 6, 2006 Hi folks, Ok the straight goods. I am 34, she is 27. We meet through a mutual friend in mid-August 2006, friendship develops. end a fair amount of time together, and by late September it's obvious to her that I'm interested in being more than friends, although we never really discuss. Early October she cancels a dinner date because her parents are coming in from out of town for two weeks. Fishy, me thinks, like she is cooling things off - although her parents were in town for two weeks Saturday October 28 we go to a Hallowe'en Party together. Definite flirting and strong signals. We go back to her place that night; we kiss and I spend the night, no sex. Tuesday October 31st she comes over to my place. She initiates some VERY heavy petting that results in partial clothes removal, but no sex. Friday November 3 - dinner and then back to her place for a repeat of some partial clothes off heavy petting, no sex, i stay the night, leave the next morning. Sunday November 5 - Afternoon: I call to make plans for this Tuesday / Wednesday; things seem to be going well. Sunday November 5, Evening - Crash and burn. I get the 'I need to slow down' email, followed by the "not ready for a relationship" "don't know what I want" routine on Monday. Snippets from the emails below:lack] November 5 I thought I could wait until Tuesday or Wednesday but I can't. I've also been doing some thinking and I think we should slow things down. I'm feeling a bit confused and would like to slow down a bit so I can sort things out. I wanted to tell you in person but I guess I'm taking the chicken-**** route. We can talk later. My Response - Evening of November 5: Wednesday is fine, but if you feel like you want to cancel indefinitely that is perfectly ok; I don't want you to feel pressured in any way and I'm sorry if that is how I've made you feel. It's funny; I was going to ask you how you thought things were going. I guess that men are supposed to be the "pursuers," and one of the challenges / big problems - in the absence of a clear and frank discussion - is figuring out how much "pursuing" is too much. Just so you know, it's really tough for guys to gauge that stuff, especially in the first week or so of dating. Well I suppose now I know. Having said that it would be helpful for me to know what you are confused about - that is if you feel comfortable talking about it with me. Her response, today, November 6: I really hate to use the old cliche it's not you it's me, but in this case it's true. I wanted to let you know that you've been great and I that I have NEVER felt any pressure etc from you. What's causing my confusion is the fact that I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship. I'm really sorry for any confusion I may have caused but that's because I'm not even sure what I want. Needless to say, I need some time to figure things out. Maybe it would be best if we cancel Wednesday night and do something this weekend instead WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON???? Should I see her this weekend or run like Chariots of Fire?[/COLOR] Most websites flag the "not ready for a relationship" line as a dead give away that she is not interested or is interested in someone else. I know that she does not have many friends (we have both been living in a new town for just over a couple of years - maybe this has something to do with it), and i know that she has been single for the longest time. I can't imagine an old boyfriend re-emerging or her meeting someone new in the span of a week, so I'm not sure if the conventional wisdom flies here....and what's with wanting to do something this weekend?[ I am totally lost. YOUR ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!! Cheers, Closeau Link to post Share on other sites
Kittiecat Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Maybe she comes from a very conservative family and feels guilty about the partial removal of clothes? Maybe she wants to slow down because you've gone to third and she's afraid to let you slide into home base? The fact that she suggested doing something on the weekend makes it sound like she's still interested. She might also really like you and is afraid that her normally logical head is floating in the clouds and she might do something stupid like let her guard down. There are millions of possible theories. How much do you like her? Is she worth slowing down for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author closeau Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 Hi KC, Great advice! You were more or less spot on. One of her best friends called to give me the low-down, and what you describe appears to be the case. Although there may be other issues...I'm not sure.... I am meeting with her tomorrow to discuss the confusion. Not sure how it will go, but either way it should be a good learning experience. Cheers, Closeau Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 You should just politely turn her down for this weekend and tell her to get back to you when she's less confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 RE: She seems, mature for a 27 year old. Don't toss her out of your life, just yet, Closeau. It is fulfilling, to observe her share honest thoughts and intentions with you. Most other women, would have only delivered five words: I want to slow down. She is using her mind. She doesn't want to be, another, dime in your pocket. Contrary to, Tanbark813's blunt statement, it would be advantageous to keep her around the fountain. IF you, truly have a warm heart, you won't throw her out. That would be very cold. Rest on the thought cloud, for a couple of days. Woman's Point Of View. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Not sure how much you're willing to put up with, but if she starts flaking, it's time to be that guy who has other plans. Just don't take anything personal, unless she does you. Link to post Share on other sites
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