update...on how to do it?

[hopeto]

Hi, I am now under a log name. what are some emotions I would be feeling?? still in seperation(a in house seperation) ????? I know. he has the upstairs and I have the down. no emotions really. I guess the meds are working fine. seems like things are starting to slow down in my head except what to do and how to start all over.

 

I am scared to death. I know there are women who have had it far worse than me and even done it with more children(my mom for exzample) she had four of us. 3 boys and a girl. not only did she struggle witht the fact of doing it by herself but also with a child that had been assulted by her older brother. I have one child and I seen the struggles we went through and I am scared to death. you know my daughter is taking it rather well. she seems like she is under my feet more now than ever.

 

I am needing it though. she seemed like before she was a daddy's girl and when he walked into the room I was no longer there. now she seems drawn to me. she know nothing of what her father done except that he did some things he was not supposed to and mommy is unsure I can forgive him. I have reashured her to talk to me at any time any questions she has will be answered at any point and the truth will be told on her level. I will not lie to her but I know she is only 5 well 6 in jan. and she is smarter than most at her age.

 

I will not let her know the details at all untill she is old enough and I feel she is ready(not for a long time). the emotions are crazy though. my heart does not want to be with him at all!!!!!!!! but I cant explain it. I guess a part wants it to work cause it has been 18 years. what am I saying am I crazy. I need some advice from the ladies that have gone through this!!!!!! I need the advice from the ones who fought for there marrage and he did not give a dam and I need the ones who thought he hung the moon and he still would call them names and put them down. ones who was addicted to the porn instead of there wives.

 

I know I am crazy I feel my self slipping futher and futher into the hole. I am sleeping alot!!!!!!!! I still am taking care of my daughter but I feel like barely. while she is at school I sleep when she come home from school I put her in the tub get the homework done and fix her dinner and give her an hour of play time and then right back in the bed. is this normal?? seems if I sleep I am not wondering or my mind is not running wild. I am at a point I know or I feel he is still hiding stuff NO TRUST NO TRUST at all. can we put this behind us. I wish there was someone who could make my disicions for me.

 

I know that is crazy and I know they cant but GOSHHHHHHH. will I become angery?????? angrey enough to just walk out no matter where I have to go????? I keep waithing for that and try to get that way but I am just not built that way. plus my selfesteam is so low I not sure even who I am any more?

[AgentD]

hopeto,

 

Welcome to LS!!

 

I wanted to give you a little posting advice for the future. Please seperate your posts using paragraphs with 5-6 sentences.

 

It'll help our caring community read your situation a lot easier.

 

Thanks!