BenThereDunThat Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 I don't know why this is getting to me lately. For those that don't already know, I work with my exMM. Have stopped ALL contact with him and it's been 3 weeks as of last Friday (at one point I mistakenly thought it was 4 weeks, but is actually 3). So I see him at work and I either turn the other direction or just refuse to even glance in his direction. I was waiting for an elevator by myself this morning and he came out and waited for one too. Without a word, I turned around and went back to my desk, waited til I heard the 'ding' and came back out when I knew it was safe. Why should this make me feel even the slightest bit guilty? I tried the friends thing and that didn't work. I'm sure it did for him, but not for me. I never explained here what finally put me over the edge. I overhead another co-worker talking about a time the exMM and his W were doing something playful at a work function. I said huh, wow, you guys sound like a fun-loving, happy couple to me! And do you know what he said? "I wish things were different." It was then that I told him "Contact me again and your wife gets a phone call." (which, by the way, I would never actually do) I'm sure he's confused because if we were just friends, why would it even bother me? Because at one point, we were more than friends. And all the things that went along with that. If it weren't for me putting a stop to it, I'm sure he'd happily still be more than friends with me. The reason I'm posting. Why on earth do I feel guilty, or like I'm creating negative karma here? If forced (if other co-workers were around), I'm sure I can be civil to him. But you know what? I just don't feel like it. I don't want to look at him, talk to him, say hi, none of that. I just want him to go away. I'm not being uncivil though. I haven't made any rude gestures or anything like that. I'm just 'nothing'. Treating him as if he doesn't even exist. If any potential OWs are reading this and contemplating a workplace affair, DO NOT DO IT! Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 I think it's tough to be friends with someone who's seen you naked. Add more complications, and it's even tougher. Link to post Share on other sites
Freedom Now Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 You are not cold hearted at all. You are just trying to heal yourself under the unfortunate circumstance of having to work with him. Yuck. I cannot imagine.... You are simply allowing him to live in the very decision that HE made. You are not being cruel. You have just removed yourself from his life. I would never consider you cold hearted. Don't feel guilty. For every equal action (his choosing to stay) there is an equal reaction (your behavior). You are simply allowing him to live in his decision. I personally hope he is very uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 I personally hope he is very uncomfortable. You cold-hearted witch. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 I don't know why this is getting to me lately. For those that don't already know, I work with my exMM. Have stopped ALL contact with him and it's been 3 weeks as of last Friday (at one point I mistakenly thought it was 4 weeks, but is actually 3). So I see him at work and I either turn the other direction or just refuse to even glance in his direction. I was waiting for an elevator by myself this morning and he came out and waited for one too. Without a word, I turned around and went back to my desk, waited til I heard the 'ding' and came back out when I knew it was safe. Why should this make me feel even the slightest bit guilty? I tried the friends thing and that didn't work. I'm sure it did for him, but not for me. I never explained here what finally put me over the edge. I overhead another co-worker talking about a time the exMM and his W were doing something playful at a work function. I said huh, wow, you guys sound like a fun-loving, happy couple to me! And do you know what he said? "I wish things were different." It was then that I told him "Contact me again and your wife gets a phone call." (which, by the way, I would never actually do) I'm sure he's confused because if we were just friends, why would it even bother me? Because at one point, we were more than friends. And all the things that went along with that. If it weren't for me putting a stop to it, I'm sure he'd happily still be more than friends with me. The reason I'm posting. Why on earth do I feel guilty, or like I'm creating negative karma here? If forced (if other co-workers were around), I'm sure I can be civil to him. But you know what? I just don't feel like it. I don't want to look at him, talk to him, say hi, none of that. I just want him to go away. I'm not being uncivil though. I haven't made any rude gestures or anything like that. I'm just 'nothing'. Treating him as if he doesn't even exist. If any potential OWs are reading this and contemplating a workplace affair, DO NOT DO IT! You are not cold-hearted at all. Its been hard enough for you already and ignoring him seems like the best way for you to deal with it and that is all you are doing. You are fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 I think it's tough to be friends with someone who's seen you naked. Add more complications, and it's even tougher. Thanks Magic - I had managed to forget about the whole naked aspect of it until now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 Freedom and Riddler -- I don't know why I do this anyway. The guy is a manipulative cheater and here I am feeling like I'm the one doing something wrong. Ridiculous! I knew my friends here would put me in my place..... P.S. - Hi Riddler - long time no talk to! Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Freedom and Riddler -- I don't know why I do this anyway. The guy is a manipulative cheater and here I am feeling like I'm the one doing something wrong. Ridiculous! I knew my friends here would put me in my place..... P.S. - Hi Riddler - long time no talk to! The only thing that you are doing that is wrong is feeling sorry for yourself. You were in a bad situation and you got out of it, so thumbs up to you BTDT. Hi. It has been a while but thats ok because I know that in the meantime you were cleaning.......correct? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 The only thing that you are doing that is wrong is feeling sorry for yourself. You were in a bad situation and you got out of it, so thumbs up to you BTDT. Hi. It has been a while but thats ok because I know that in the meantime you were cleaning.......correct? Enough of the pity party already! I'm starting to get on my own nerves. You know me so well - I've just been a cleaning fool. OK, not really. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Enough of the pity party already! I'm starting to get on my own nerves. You know me so well - I've just been a cleaning fool. OK, not really. Good for you. Soak up the reality of the Cards being world champs because that will only last for a year. You haven't been cleaning? I am shocked and disappointed, and to think I just bought a mop and bucket for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 Good for you. Soak up the reality of the Cards being world champs because that will only last for a year. You haven't been cleaning? I am shocked and disappointed, and to think I just bought a mop and bucket for you. Maybe so but who else can say they have 10 World Series titles? aww, man, what a thoughtful gift....NOT! I have been organizing though. Eh, it's a start. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Maybe so but who else can say they have 10 World Series titles? aww, man, what a thoughtful gift....NOT! I have been organizing though. Eh, it's a start. Hmmmm, the Athletics and the Yankees. Alright, I will give you partial credit, but no mop or bucket until I see progress. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 Alright, I will give you partial credit, but no mop or bucket until I see progress. This is supposed to be incentive...??? Surely a hottie such as yourself can come up with something better than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 This is supposed to be incentive...??? Surely a hottie such as yourself can come up with something better than that. Oh believe me, I can...... But you rooted for St. Louis and I can be a sore loser sometimes, so its the mop and bucket until I see progress. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 Oh believe me, I can...... But you rooted for St. Louis and I can be a sore loser sometimes, so its the mop and bucket until I see progress. And I should have been more specific - the Cardinals have won the most World Series championships in the National league..... I'll take that mop and bucket and I'll kick it. So there. Can you get in trouble here for hijacking your own thread? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 And I should have been more specific - the Cardinals have won the most World Series championships in the National league..... I'll take that mop and bucket and I'll kick it. So there. Can you get in trouble here for hijacking your own thread? I would hate for you to "kick the bucket.":eek: Good question though. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 BTDT, DON'T feel guilty. You are doing this for yourself; it's part of the healing process and you owe MM nothing! I too felt guilty (my NC is same time as yours) because MM had contacted me and although I told him initially that I wanted to do the 'friends' thing I realised that I couldn't. I knew that if I actually contacted him to tell him that it would start all over again, but felt guilty for ignoring him. Finally texted the other day and saying that he was right, it was better that we didn't stay in touch, that it wasn't fair on him either as he was trying to get in with his life but that I hoped he was ok. Got a reply back with a 'Hi hun' and a 'x' at the end (he hasn't ended with a 'x' for ages!) just saying that he hoped I was ok and feeling better and a 'c u around'. I feel like I've finally got closure and I KNOW I won't contact him again now and neither will he contact me. Breakthru, I hope! (Of course, it helps that I've bagged myself a SG - still love MM more than anything but it's taking my mind off things a bit!) Anyway, please don't worry about MM. Just take care of YOU, you are and your feelings are what's most important! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 Bleh. I did it again. I was leaving work tonight and making my way toward the receptionist desk. I normally bypass the front desk, but tonight someone was here with their baby and I could hear it crying, so I was going to take the long way around so I could see whose baby and let's face it - who doesn't like cooing over a baby? Anyway, as I'm happily walking that way, who comes around the corner? Yep, the exMM. Again, without even realizing I'm doing it, the left corner of my lip goes up into a sneer. There may have even been an eye roll in there too. So I had to make a sharp left into entry-way to the elevator bank. Of course, the 12-year-old in me had to open the door REALLY HARD before I walked through it. That'll show him! :laugh: Yeah, right. So stupid. All of it. Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 woah theres a few of us doing this at the same time huh? my exMM just pissed me off royal...when we agreed to go NC I told him I'm coming to my beloved department when he is leaving (he was only suppose to be there 6 months) and that would be good for us to avoid each other..yanno what he did? he asked to be left there for a year!! I'm so mad at him..way to go MM..he knows I won't work for him so whats he trying to pull? I BTDT the next time I see him it's gonna be dog out city!! good on ya girlie! Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 So stupid. All of it. Whatever makes you feel better hun, that's what I say!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author BenThereDunThat Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 Once again, I need you guys to help talk me down off the ledge. I am so filled with anger and resentment. I know it's anger at myself but I'm projecting it all towards him. I've created this uber enemy in my midst and it's coming to a critical point. Maybe it's because I'm not really busy right now - professionally or personally. But lately all I do is think of ways to plot against him. I was even reading zen and buddism (sp?) sites to try and clear my mind of this, because the only person I'm hurting here is myself. But still, I have tucked away the W's phone # and email address - just in case! I have this overwhelming urge for her to know what her dear H does. Why should he not have to pay some sort of consequence??? He has no idea how insane it makes me to hear him joking around, being all happy, like la la la, I'm so good, no one can touch me! :mad: :mad: Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 He has no idea how insane it makes me to hear him joking around, being all happy, like la la la, I'm so good, no one can touch me! I'm sure he'd sleep with you again. It can't hurt to ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 Once again, I need you guys to help talk me down off the ledge. I am so filled with anger and resentment. I know it's anger at myself but I'm projecting it all towards him. I've created this uber enemy in my midst and it's coming to a critical point. Maybe it's because I'm not really busy right now - professionally or personally. But lately all I do is think of ways to plot against him. I was even reading zen and buddism (sp?) sites to try and clear my mind of this, because the only person I'm hurting here is myself. But still, I have tucked away the W's phone # and email address - just in case! I have this overwhelming urge for her to know what her dear H does. Why should he not have to pay some sort of consequence??? He has no idea how insane it makes me to hear him joking around, being all happy, like la la la, I'm so good, no one can touch me! :mad: :mad: I can understand how you feel. You would love nothing more than for him to have that smile wiped off his face. You are letting him beat you by you getting arise out of what he does. If you really want to get over this guy and this chapter in your life, you need to stop worrying about him and what he does and you need to worry about yourself. I believe in karma and I bet that he will get what is coming to him. In the meantime, you stop worrying about this guy and do your own thing. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 You are letting him beat you by you getting arise out of what he does. It's worse than I thought. You're getting turned on? Link to post Share on other sites
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