mrbeantown Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 Yesterday, after about a mounth of NC, my ex of 6 years contacted me through myspace. She asked how I am doing, told me she got a part time job, blah blAH BLAH.... but she also said: "She thought of me today because she drove by my job. She wanted me to know that there is always a place for me in her heart and that she misses having me as a friend. Hopefully someday when we both have had time to heal we can talk again. take care of yourself write back if you have time." She started talking to some guy from her highschool on MYSPACE shortly after we went on a "break". now we are broken up and supposedly they are dating... why does she need time to heal she left ME for someone else? I know there is no chance of us getting back together anytime soon if ever. But.. is she starting to miss my company? Does she have even a little regret for what she did? Or does she just feel bad for it? Should I respond? Any suggestions on what to say? It wasnt an ugly breakup she said she just "wasnt in love with me" anymore. I still REALLY miss her and am still hurting by the breakup. What should I do? thanks again Link to post Share on other sites
tdmce Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Don't reply, you are too busy with your new life. Keep up the NC, she is just fishing to see if you still would go back to her, she hasn't actually said anything about getting back in a relationship with you. And as far as you know she is with somebody. It will drive her nuts if you don't reply, she will wonder why you haven't. She will start wondering why you don't miss her etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Antheia Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Yes NC is always the answer Link to post Share on other sites
Severed_Wasp Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Perhaps things aren't so peachy with the new guy, and she wants a back-up in her pocket. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrbeantown Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 I know I shouldnt reply..... but its killing me not telling her how I felt about the whole breakup and her talking to this other guy! I know we cannot be friends at this time in my life but emailing her occasionally might be a nice way to become friends again. I hold off as long as I can... I just dont want it to end up with me never seeing her or talking to her again! Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 I know I shouldnt reply..... but its killing me not telling her how I felt about the whole breakup and her talking to this other guy! What's the point of spilling your guts to her about how you're hurting etc? What will that do? Make her feel guilty, made you seem sad?! It won't achieve anything, certainly not friendship. Keep up the NC until such time as you really don't care about those things. What's done is done. No point in rehashing it all now. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Maybe in time you two could be buddies, but not until your feelings for her disappear for good. IF you need to, write her and let her know how you felt when broke up with you and ended up with this other guy. Her contacting you is all about her ego. In a way too, it's some sort of closure for her to know that she meant something to you, (asking you if she has a place in your heart) and because of that she wants friendship. Problem is, even with a low key breakup, it's hard to be 'friends' with the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
lisapizza Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Don't respond,.. she is just trying to see if she still has you on a string..then you will be back at square one, feeling lousy about falling for "it" again...you still need to heal..if you want a friend, ..buy a dog. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 While I agree with everyone that you should not respond until you are completely over her, I actually kind of find that her e-mail is, well, uh, actually really nice. See, if you were over her, and healed, you would not read anything into it but what is there: she recognizes you as someone who was important in her life. Since you are not healed, and not over her, this message does actually mess with your head. so keep up with the NC. Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleTouch Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 6 of one, half a dozen of the other. If you go NC you will feel bad as this is "unusual" behaviour for someone who is well balanced. However, if you contact her and politely say thx for the contact but you would prefer that she kept her distance in order to give you time to heal, you will also feel bad. In both cases its about you not her. The fact that she is with someone else should mean the end for you. You should not want to be with her. If in the future she is kicking down your front door and boiling your bunnies telling you that she loves you completely and that she is sorry then maybe you will give it a second thought but not now for goodness sake! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrbeantown Posted November 9, 2006 Author Share Posted November 9, 2006 How many relationships that you know of ended up with the "dumper" regreting the dicision and "banging down the door" and saying sorry I love you forgive me? I know this girl much to well and she may have to much pride to bring herself to that. Even IF she sees how much I have changed. and yes I have changed, not as much as I have wanted to change, but alot since we were together...... Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleTouch Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 In answer to your question - some, but not many! But that is the point. Look at the reality. You have been dumped. You were not and are still not a priority in her life. She has said nothing at this stage to suggest that she wants back in with you plus she is dating another guy. All she has said (via MySpace!) is "friends". I think she is feeling a little guilty and slightly sorry for you. She is not in love with you. That is reality as you have described it right? So, where is your self respect? Let her go off and do her thing and you must go off and do your thing. If at some point in the future she as the dumper decides she has made a poor decision you will be the first to know and if she is utterly convinced she has made the wrong decision then her passion for wanting to be with you should be huge. (Metaphorically speaking "kicking down your door".) In the absence of this you should not be worrying about what she has or hasn't said or want to get back involved with her. You need to be convinced that she is genuine otherwise you will end up in a dance never knowing what the hell is going on. So, going back to your original thread, how will you proceed following her very indirect contact? PS - This is about you being strong setting your boundaries, nothing else. Set them and trust them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrbeantown Posted November 10, 2006 Author Share Posted November 10, 2006 I know she isnt trying to say she wants to get back with me, I never suggested that. I am just trying to figure out why she contacted me, and weather or not I should respond. I soo want to say respond back but most people I know say i should either wait a while longer or not respond at all. BTW.... I found out yesterday from a friend of mine that her and the new guy have no "status" as a relationship and that she has secreatly started smoking cigarettes again (she quit once she started college). Link to post Share on other sites
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