he thinks that I am seeing someone else.

[pricillia]

He thinks because I don't answer the phone if I am busy, he thinks that I don't want to talk to him, even if I call him back right away.

I wish that I was not inlove with him because I am really hurting here. He said that ( and I believe it was out of anger) that if I am seeing someone else then that is fine, but he said it while he was yelling. This is after he got me the sweetest card and roses for my birthday.

He said that I am pushing him away but I don't think so.

 

so help me out what is going on. I am definately stuck here.

all replies welcome.

[pricillia]

also, I went to say hi to him at work the other day, and he got into trouble. He seemed so upset, I just asked him if he still wanted to see me and that is when he lost it.

He said that I am pushing him away. Lately for the past month or so if I do not answer right away he thinks that is me telling him that I do not want to see him. But I do always call him right back when I can. For instance if I am driving in my car or busy at work, he thinks that I am interested in someone else.

Now don't get me wrong I know this whole relationship is not theway it should be, I would want to have a healthier one with him ie him not married.

He also said that if I want to se someone else then fine go ahead. I don't know why he feels this way, when he just told me a few days ago that he loves me so much.

what should I do.

[Guest]

My Ex MM used to be annoyed when he would get the call waiting signal on my phone when he was tryin to call. Always assumed i was talkin to another guy....ironic aye..? yet, he would take the W call while i was there.

I would always pick up on his call nomatter what... BUT it would always spark a disagreement...& would take a while to settle him downn

 

I guess even cheaters gets paranoid aye..?

[Mythical]

He thinks because I don't answer the phone if I am busy, he thinks that I don't want to talk to him, even if I call him back right away.

I wish that I was not inlove with him because I am really hurting here. He said that ( and I believe it was out of anger) that if I am seeing someone else then that is fine, but he said it while he was yelling. This is after he got me the sweetest card and roses for my birthday.

He said that I am pushing him away but I don't think so.

 

so help me out what is going on. I am definately stuck here.

all replies welcome.

 

 

hmm I mean I don't know your relationship but maybe he is insecure? I mean you arn't cheating on him/ seeing someone els? What would give him that idea?

I think you need to sit him down and have a talk about this.

i think maybe he is just worried

[JadeStar]

So he thinks that just because you don't answer the phone right away you're seeing someone else? Is this recent behavior from him? Does he say he feels you are seeing someone else based on other things other than you just not answering the phone? Does he maybe have a guilty conscience himself for some reason? If he can get that upset over you not answering the phone, maybe you need to rethink being with him.

 

 

 

Jade

[pricillia]

now keep in mind this man is a MM, I did not know this until 6 months into our relationship, it has been almost 8 months, please don't stop giving me advice because of this. I am in a hurting place

[JadeStar]

Do you think maybe his wife is on to him? Maybe others he knows suspect something? Maybe its HIM who is seeing another, and he is projecting his guilt over onto you. He sounds pretty paranoid to me.

[Mythical]

Do you think maybe his wife is on to him? Maybe others he knows suspect something? Maybe its HIM who is seeing another, and he is projecting his guilt over onto you. He sounds pretty paranoid to me.

 

 

Agree. Obviously im sure he is under a lot of stress he is MARRIED. Im sure anyone in that possisin would be stressed out and paranoid

[pricillia]

Agree. Obviously im sure he is under a lot of stress he is MARRIED. Im sure anyone in that possisin would be stressed out and paranoid

 

yes he does seemed stressed out. I guess I should take a step back.

[pricillia]

I don't think that he is seeing someone else. He calls me all the time, all the time.

I am just not sure if he means it or if he really does not want to see me.

[Mythical]

I don't think that he is seeing someone else. He calls me all the time, all the time.

I am just not sure if he means it or if he really does not want to see me.

 

he is seeing someone els!! His wife!!

 

Im sure he does but I mean geese I can only imagine what it would feel like to be married and cheating on my wife. I agree take a step back and let him figure out what he wants

[JackJack]

I would imagine someone who is married, working, seeing someone else and all the extras life throws at ya, it would be hard and very stressful to juggle all that. Not only is he juggling the things most of us are in life, but he is juggling 2 relationships, one with you and one with his wife. Its bound to get the best of him at some point. If he calls you ALL the time like you say, then he appears very clingy and needy. Thats not healthy in itself.

[pricillia]

Yes he is leading a doulble life, but why does he call me all the time then if he can not handle it??

[Rooster_DAR]

I think you are his fallback gal, that's pretty easy to deduce.

[Fun2BMe]

Why don't you tell him that when you're at work you have to keep your phone off that is why you don't answer but that once you see he's called you will call him right back. At home when you call him right back start out with "I was just in the shower' or voluntarily offer another excuse right off the bat to calm his insecurities and suspicions. While in the car, call back and say you had your radio blasting or was making a left turn. If he still insists you were with another man and that's why you didn't answer, tell him he is going to drive you to be if he continues insisting that you are when you're not, when the reality is that he's the one seeing more than only one person in the relationship yet you're not having a heartattack when he doesn't answer right away.

[GreenEyedLady]

P: Why don't you just ask him why he gets so upset if you don't pick up right away and go from there. He's probably just afraid of losing you because he is M and you are single....GEL

[Seen_It_All]

WHY is no one addressing the fact that this loser LIED FOR 6 MONTHS about being married??????

 

He LIED to you for 6 MONTHS and you're trying to placate this troglodyte?

 

WHY????

 

No, this isn't a rant about you, Priscilla. How you didn't give him the beat-down he so richly deserves when you found out how you'd been CONNED is beyond me. Had I found out I was BLATANTLY BEING LIED TO AND CONNED FOR 6 MONTHS, however, I would have put this piece of garbage in the HOSPITAL. And that, you can take to the bank.

 

And BECAUSE this sneaky, lying piece of sh*it is a complete loser, he doesn't GET any consideration. Too freakin' BAD that he's 'insecure.' Who gives a crap? He's a lying sack of sh*it who should be shot at dawn.

 

Jesus, WHY are jumping through hoops for this manipulative LYING parasite?????

 

My brain hurts.

[GreenEyedLady]

SIA: She hasn't said that she doesn't want to be with him and asked a question, we are just answering her question...had her question been: I JUST FOUND OUT I'M THE OW WHAT DO I DO? I'm sure the response would have been different....

 

Besides, I for one understand firsthand about being lied to and unfortunately, I don't find it surprising anymore...but that's just me...

[Fun2BMe]

Had I found out I was BLATANTLY BEING LIED TO AND CONNED FOR 6 MONTHS, however, I would have put this piece of garbage in the HOSPITAL. And that, you can take to the bank.

 

Not if you were in love with him. Try to put yourself in the OP's shoes.

[Seen_It_All]

Not if you were in love with him. Try to put yourself in the OP's shoes.

 

Come on, ladies! Does a woman have to totally swallow her pride and self respect just because she 'loves' someone? Does that mean just because she loves someone he can do whatever the he*ll he WANTS and it's simply A-OK????

 

Whatever happened to SELF RESPECT? I respect myself FAR too much to ever forgive some con artist who blatantly CONNED me and I don't care WHAT his reasons were for doing it. Anyone that disrespects ME by lying and TOTALLY altering my reality does NOT deserve my respect, and he certainly doesn't deserve any love.

 

I absolutely WOULDN'T put myself in the OPs shoes. That would NEVER happen. I have personal boundaries and way too much self respect - and I don't compromise that for ANYONE.

 

The problem here is that OW are so trained to having next to ZERO expectations in these married men that they continually compromise their pride and values just for the 'joy' of a few little crumbs. I've been an OW and I've been a MOW, so I've BEEN in these shoes. But that doesn't mean I'm willing to allow anyone to disrespect me and then reward them for it by loving them. NEVER HAPPEN.

[Fun2BMe]

Anyone that disrespects ME by lying and TOTALLY altering my reality does NOT deserve my respect, and he certainly doesn't deserve any love.

 

I absolutely WOULDN'T put myself in the OPs shoes. That would NEVER happen. I have personal boundaries and way too much self respect - and I don't compromise that for ANYONE.

First of all, she was with him for 6 months first during which time he didn't disrespect her and she developed feelings for him, not the other way around. If someone disrepsects you first then sure it is unlikely you will develop any strong feelings for them. When you were the OW you knew you were from the start which is worse I would think than what you are telling the OP that she is doing. She developed her feelings first so now that he is doing anything disrespectful, and jealousy is not considered disrespectful in my book, it doesn't mean she automatically shuts off her feelings and can dump him. Really, you are not seeing the situation correctly.

 

The problem here is that OW are so trained to having next to ZERO expectations in these married men that they continually compromise their pride and values just for the 'joy' of a few little crumbs. I've been an OW and I've been a MOW, so I've BEEN in these shoes. But that doesn't mean I'm willing to allow anyone to disrespect me and then reward them for it by loving them. NEVER HAPPEN.

 

Again, her situation is extra different because she didn't know she was the OW until after she was with him long enough to develop strong feelings. Now that he gets a little jealous and accuses her of something, it's not rational for you to tell her she can just leave him so easily. I doubt you'd be able to either. She's not rewarding disrespect with love. She already loved him and now that he is disrespecting or getting jealous, she is feeling hurt and confused.

[Seen_It_All]

My other post still stands, but I'm really disgusted with this creep for what he did.

 

Let's look at it from the other side.

 

Priscilla innocently met someone that she liked and with whom she wanted to pursue a relationship. Wonderful. It was at this time that this low down loser should have been honest.

 

But nope. He chose to lie.

 

For 6 months, every SINGLE day, this lying weasel led her on. EVERY SINGLE DAY he lied to her.

 

EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR 6 MONTHS HE LIED TO HER.

 

He did it every single day for 6 months, knowing FULL WELL that when she found out the truth, she'd be devastated. Did he care? Obviously NOT. He was getting whatever HE wanted from this relationship, so she was merely collateral damage, now wasn't she?

 

Where was his CONCERN for her for those 6 months? Where was his RESPECT for her for those 6 months? Every time he opened his disgusting mouth, he LIED to her. For 180+ days he led her down the garden path with with stories and lies to TRICK her into believing they were working toward a future TOGETHER. He painted a false reality, leading her to believe that she actually had a CHANCE for a future with him.

 

And now I'm supposed to feel empathy for this piece of trash because HE'S feeling insecure?????? HE'S feeling threatened, so Priscilla has to jump through hoops like a trained seal?

 

I'm absolutely amazed that she hasn't had him shot or beat to a pulp for thinking he had a RIGHT to do to her what he did. Barring that, it's simply impossible for me to wrap my brain around this type of disrespect and try to give ADVICE on how to placate this lying, manipulative SNAKE. He deserves alot worse than feeling insecure. He deserves to be locked away from DECENT society.

[Fun2BMe]

He was getting whatever HE wanted from this relationship, so she was merely collateral damage, now wasn't she?

 

No. She too was getting what she wanted, which was giving and receiving love. She is still getting what she wants, but has to face the reality that he is married which it sounds like she's handling. That's why she said don't focus on that, but instead give her advice on what she is asking about, which is how to deal with his accusation that she is seeing other men when she's not. I gave some advice as far as turning her phone ringer off so he is aware that she will not be picking up but will call him back.

 

I'm absolutely amazed that she hasn't had him shot or beat to a pulp for thinking he had a RIGHT to do to her what he did. Barring that, it's simply impossible for me to wrap my brain around this type of disrespect and try to give ADVICE on how to placate this lying, manipulative SNAKE. He deserves alot worse than feeling insecure. He deserves to be locked away from DECENT society

 

Excuse me but her being the OW - keeping it from the man's wife, is none of the things you are accusing him of? She herself is not being disrespectful, lying and all that? She is decent to be a contributor to huring a married man's wife's heart? You are turning this thread into something it is not about, which is pointing fingers and name calling.

[Seen_It_All]

First of all, she was with him for 6 months first during which time he didn't disrespect her and she developed feelings for him, not the other way around.

 

Fun, I'm DEAD SERIOUS when I ask this question. What part of, "he lied to me for the first 6 months" do you not comprehend?

 

Being LIED TO is being respected???????

 

Being CONNED is being respected??????

 

Being led to believe that someone is available when they're NOT is being respected??????

 

Having someone paint a totally FALSE reality for your is being respected?

 

Having someone say, "I love you, you're the ONLY one for me" and 10 minutes later that same person is running home to his REAL life - that's being respected????

 

To disrespect someone is to lie to them. To disrespect someone is to NOT CARE about their personal boundaries. To disrespect someone is to KNOWINGLY HURT THEM by painting a false reality, knowing full well the person is going to be DEVASTATED when the truth comes out.

 

To disrespect someone is to simply NOT CARE that you're hurting them because you're too damned SELFISH to see past your own desires.

 

Look, I KNOW Priscilla didn't ask for my opinion on the HORRIBLE way her relationship started out. But for the love of God, does that mean everyone here has to condone the putrid behavior of this man and spoon feed her MORE delusion by giving her advice on how to be MORE of a welcome mat for this puke?

 

I'm not a BW so don't bother throwing THAT at me. But jeez, what's RIGHT is right and I'm NOT going to coach this poor woman on how to feed this MONSTER'S ego.

[Fun2BMe]

He may have disrespected, lied and done horrible things to her. BUT my point is that when you're in love with someone, at least most of us so maybe you can't relate to it, we put up with the bad and try to fix it. We usually don't give up until we fall out of love and just like we have no control over who our hearts fall for, we can't control who or when we'll fall out of love with either. In the meantime, we need and ask for help to deal with all the issues that arise, even really bad ones that others think geez if I were her I'd 'simply' leave him. Not so simple in real life situations.