andyp6 Posted November 7, 2006 Share Posted November 7, 2006 This may be a long one, sorry in advance. I posted here a while ago when I was pretty suicidal and was helped out, and am drawn back again. The woman in question has been the love of my life since I met her, I was married at the time and am not now. Last year we were finally together but due to pressures of family, work I wasn't showing the commitment I felt, then she fell pregnant and we went for a termination. Neither of us wanted it but we didn't communicate properly and we both thought the other didn't want it. It was a terrible time, i think about the what if's every day, so does she. After a few months she broke up with me, said she didnt feel the same any more. I was devastated, suicidal in fact. I was brought back from the brink by a number of things, my 2 kids from my marriage, the help on here etc. I was so alone. Then we got back together and we both decided to go full on. I moved in with her and I was ecstatic. It lasted a month and she ended it again, she said she felt it was too much too soon. She started seeing her best mates brother and again I was so very low indeed, I was helped more than ever by this forum, for which I thank those that remember. I can't say I was getting over her, not at all, but at least I was living and starting to go through the motions again. We didnt speak at all. (NC!) Then something really bad happened. One night I got drunk and ended up with her best friend...a total mistake, but her best friend had just broken up with her bf and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and too stupid or drunk to say no. Only happened once, I don't even like her, although I had tried to convince myself I was over my ex and that I was cool with it. Shortly after that my ex got in touch and we started talking again. We got back together, she knew (at least she told me she knew) about her best friend as her best friend told her. I didn't mention the subject, I thought she knew, and of course we were not together when it happened. This was 1 Oct (yes just over a month ago) A couple of weeks ago I told her about it, she asked, her friend had lied to her and said nothing happened but I have been nothing but honest with her. It caused a rift of course and the situation is that she says she has lost trust in me, she doesnt believe me when I say that she is my one, that I'm 100% committed to the relationship and that I love her unconditionally, which is the absolute truth. She trusts her friend though!!! The trust isnt in if I'll go off with someone, but more to do with belief in me and her believing what I say. She says she keeps thinking about that incident. I have been through the same thing about when she was with another, but of course she is reminded all the time by seeing her best friend. How can I earn that trust back? How came she believe in me again? She says she wants us to work and that she is so frustrated that she feels that way, she wants to feel the same as me, she does say she loves me. She says that when we are together she is happy and totally comfortable, but when we are apart, she has the doubts, loss of trust feelings, and feelings that she should just give up on us again. She still also says that termination affects her (as it does me) and that is part of the lack of trust. I believe that trust can be rebuilt, that we can have a great future, that the doubts she has can be dissipated as I know deep down that I'd never hurt her again, that she has my heart totally, that I'd so anything for her. But how should I earn that respect again. I have been with her a great deal over the last 2 weeks now she says she feels smothered, crushed by my feelings even, although the times when we havent seen each other it seems that we always end up meeting up etc. I dont want to lose her, I want to make her happy, for her to feel she can trust me completely for her to feel she can have no doubts about me and my intentions. But I don't know how to act (for want of a better word). I feel like I can only be full on, when I'm not with her I am insecure yes, I have anxiety and fear, but with her they all go away. We talked tonight on the phone about this, I can't of course earn trust by words but we are communicating our feelings openly, she still says she wants us to work, but I'm afraid she will just give up..how can I not let that happen, can I win the trust back? Sorry for the ramble, any insights, thoughts, advice at all? A Link to post Share on other sites
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