Individual3 Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 I’ve been with my boyfriend for about three months and I love him very much. About a month after we got together he got a new job where he works at night. There is a girl there that he became friends with (Amy) because they work together a lot. At first I didn’t think anything about it because he’s trustworthy. However, as time progressed, he started talking about this girl more and more. He started saying things like Amy’s “awesome” and that she’s “funny and really cool." I wasn’t comfortable about a lot of things. For instance, she’s the kind of person that is very open with her sexuality and that makes me uncomfortable. I mean, I don’t think my boyfriend should know that her favorite position is on top! Sometimes they would take 15 min breaks together and talk about personal stuff like relationships and that made me uncomfortable because I didn’t want then to develop some kind of emotional bond. I told my boyfriend how I felt and he said she would stop discussing our relationship with her. Amy has a boyfriend and they have been together for a few years but it seems like their relationship is on the rocks. I know that she has complained about her boyfriend to my boyfriend About three weeks ago a group of people from work would come over to my boyfriend’s house to play video games and watch t.v. Of about four people, Amy was the only female and she doesn’t play video games. I was not happy with this because they always hung out really late at night (4am) because they usually got off work at 1am. I didn’t like the fact that she was over at my boyfriend’s house at such odd hours of the night when I’m not even there and I’m his girlfriend! He hasn’t really tried to hide anything from me. He tells me what they talk about etc. I told him that I felt she liked him and he thought it was silly. He said he loves me and not her and that he wants to be with me. He said he couldn’t see himself ever being with her because he’s not attracted to her in anyway. I said I don’t think you should be friends with someone that has feelings with you. He told me that if she ever tried to cross a line he would end the friendship. We never used to argue until Amy came along. Since then we’ve had two arguments about her. We came to an agreement that he wouldn’t hang out with her outside of work anymore. This was going well and until last week when she sent him a text message that really angered me. One of my boyfriend’s roommates moved out so they are looking for a new one. This bitch had the nerve to text my boyfriend asking if she could move in with them and made up some b.s. excuse about how her roommate is a clean freak and tries to control her. First of all, there are no other WOMEN in this world to move in with? It’s better to move in with two guys you don’t even know? Also why the hell can’t she move in with HER BOYFRIEND? He promised me that she’s not moving in with them. I really do not trust Amy. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 You are doing everything RIGHT. You are speaking up, expressing your feelings and concerns, and showing him what can happen down the road with this girl. He may be clueless. I doubt anything is going on yet, but you are smart to see the trap she is setting up for him. I wouldn't trust her at all. Her actions are very transparent to us women. Not so transparent to some men, though. You are smart to lay out some boundaries. She isn't allowed to be in his apartment late at night. He does not call her, hang out with her, etc...Or share emotional conversations with her....He is to keep conversations brief, social and superficially nice. I also believe, like you, that you shouldn't be friends with someone who has feelings for you. It's not really a friendship then, because the other person has ulterior motives. The best thing you can do is to express to your boyfriend is that while you trust him, you don't trust her. Then explain what behavior on his part will send the signal to this other woman that he doesn't want her...And I think that should include that YOU are always around when there is a group of them socializing. I also think it would help if he talked about you to her, saying how much he loves you and complimenting you to her. She will definitely get sick of their conversations if he is constantly doing this. Anyway, I think you have caught this situation early on. You both can send the message to this woman of "Back off." Next time she mentions that she wants to be his roommate, tell him to give her a puzzled look and say what you said in your post, like "Uh, no. Why don't you move in with your boyfriend or one of your girlfriends? What a crazy thing to say." He needs to react negatively to her so she will stop doing what she is doing. Ignoring her only makes her think he might just need a little more coaxing. Good luck! I'm sure you will work it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Individual3 Posted November 8, 2006 Author Share Posted November 8, 2006 Thank you very much for your advice nicki. I'm glad you see it my way too because my boyfriend thinks I'm making it into a bigger deal that it is. He really is clueless about this girl's motives because he insists she has no feelings for him. I especially like this idea: I also think it would help if he talked about you to her, saying how much he loves you and complimenting you to her. She will definitely get sick of their conversations if he is constantly doing this. I'm going to suggest this idea to my BF and see what he thinks. I really think this would help her get it through her head that he loves me and she should just give up. Part of our agreement was for me to stop worrying so much about it and trust him. Last night Amy invited him over to her house to play video games but my BF declined her offer. When he told me about it he seemed upset. I'm glad he took my feelings into consideration so I'll have to reward him . Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 Yes, reward him in that "special" way -- by jumping him and giving him some good lovin'! Sounds like he is trying. That's great! Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted November 8, 2006 Share Posted November 8, 2006 I'm glad he took my feelings into consideration so I'll have to reward him . Glad you said that, because that's just what I was about to suggest: that you make sure to show him you're grateful for putting your relationship first. After all, you don't want to turn into a nag and push him into her waiting arms. It sounds like he's trying to respect your wishes, so he deserves credit for that. I like the idea of him talking about you positively to her. Seems like it could work to dissuade her. Link to post Share on other sites
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