"Men shouldn't talk about feelings and relationships"

[Woggle]

women are physically and mentaly incapble of doing that...thats what make 'em wmen

 

I am with a woman who does just that. It is the reason why she has mostly male friends.

[Pyro]

women are physically and mentaly incapble of doing that...thats what make 'em wmen

 

every damn thing has to be perfect fofrhem to be happy at 1 pint in time....and that never hapenas

 

If you stop thinking of women in this way, do you think that you may actually like them?

 

I see your point and I have met many women that fit this description, but they are not all like this. In case you didn't know, there are actually some decent women out in the world.

[alphamale]

If you stop thinking of women in this way, do you think that you may actually like them?

whaz up RIDDLA??? were you out partying tonite?

[Pyro]

whaz up RIDDLA??? were you out partying tonite?

 

Yes I was, but would you mind answering the question?

[alphamale]

Yes I was, but would you mind answering the question?

no,i'm hammered right now....

 

we'r just chilin' her on LS

[Pyro]

no,i'm hammered right now....

 

we'r just chilin' her on LS

 

Wow, you are drunk and you are posting on LS. You're a real winner.

[burning 4 revenge]

Wow, you are drunk and you are posting on LS. You're a real winner.

I do this all of the time.

 

As to the topic, every situation is unique. I don't think most women like their guy being overly communicative about their feelings. Women prefer men to express themselves more through actions than words. I think we're socialized to think in this way. These are all generalizations though and the more intelligent and sophisticated the people involved in relationship are, or if they're older and wiser, then the more the relationship has space to depart from stereotypical gender roles.

[Pyro]

I do this all of the time.

 

As to the topic, every situation is unique. I don't think most women like their guy being overly communicative about their feelings. Women prefer men to express themselves more through actions than words. I think we're socialized to think in this way. These are all generalizations though and the more intelligent and sophisticated the people involved in relationship are, or if they're older and wiser, then the more the relationship has space to depart from stereotypical gender roles.

 

No one likes their SO being overly communicative. The OP just wants her guy to be able to open up to her when it is needed.

[alphamale]

Wow, you are drunk and you are posting on LS. You're a real winner.

thats sort of rude. no one on LS is a loser. i'm disappointed in you. my plans for tonite fell thru so what else am i to do?

[Pyro]

thats sort of rude. no one on LS is a loser. i'm disappointed in you. my plans for tonite fell thru so what else am i to do?

 

Where in my words did I use the word "loser"?

[Rooster_DAR]

I really think that many women could vastly improve their marriages and relationships if they started learning to live in the moment and enjoy themselves. The best memories all of us have in life are the spontaneous fan moments that came naturally and too often women don't let that happen. They would rather harp on every minute detail until it is impossible for their man or themselves to enjoy things.

 

This is the best reply on this thread, and I agree totally. Basically, people just need to chill out and relax. Not all women, but very many of them seem to have the need to have some drama, and get all worked up about the little things. I don't know of any men that do this, unless they are gay.

 

You know, the best relationships I had were with girls that were somewhat tomboyish, or like to do what guys do and they hung around us guys alot.

[alphamale]

You know, the best relationships I had were with girls that were somewhat tomboyish, or like to do what guys do and they hung around us guys alot.

so these girls watched football, scratched their genitals and drank beer? Wow, where do i sign?

[Rooster_DAR]

so these girls watched football, scratched their genitals and drank beer? Wow, where do i sign?

 

Pretty much, they also pissed standing up.

[alphamale]

Pretty much, they also pissed standing up.

I used to be attracted to the tomboys 15 yrs ago. Now I like the feminine girly-girls with their long nails, high heels and expensive purses.

[norajane]

I used to be attracted to the tomboys 15 yrs ago. Now I like the feminine girly-girls with their long nails, high heels and expensive purses.

 

As I said elsewhere, Chapter 6 of the women's dating manual has a section titled "Don't Be "One of the Guys"...because guys don't date other guys!

 

(well, except for gay men, but that's different)

[princessa]

RELAX and take it easy?!!? Yeah, I would relax very quickly if only we were able to have a 10 minute conversation about whatever's bothering me and end it right there!! SO EASY!! But nooooo, Mr Self-conscious-from-toes-to-thetipofmynose has to always make a huge deal about it!! Every small idea for improvement of the relationship is viewed as "IM UNHAPPY therefore we're gonna have a huge fight". Why does it always have to be the two extremes. I CAN he HAPPY, but it doesn't mean that small things don't bother me... And it doesn't mean that they bother me to the point where I'm totally UNHAPPY.

 

And just for the record, I USED to hang out with a huge crowd of guys, and was always cool and relaxed around them.. Hell, I was like one of them... But in a relationship, it's like there's so much at stake that I feel I owe it to myself to stress over the details (which, mind you, DONT seem like details to me at the moment). With guy-friends you have no expectations.

[alphamale]

With guy-friends you have no expectations.

ahh....but they do!

[norajane]

RELAX and take it easy?!!? Yeah, I would relax very quickly if only we were able to have a 10 minute conversation about whatever's bothering me and end it right there!! SO EASY!! But nooooo, Mr Self-conscious-from-toes-to-thetipofmynose has to always make a huge deal about it!! Every small idea for improvement of the relationship is viewed as "IM UNHAPPY therefore we're gonna have a huge fight". Why does it always have to be the two extremes. I CAN he HAPPY, but it doesn't mean that small things don't bother me... And it doesn't mean that they bother me to the point where I'm totally UNHAPPY.

 

Well, don't take Woggle's statement as an end-all and be-all. He said somewhere else - maybe in his "too good to be true marriage" thread that he and his wife rarely argue, and when they do it's only for an hour and then it's over. So, obviously, somebody in their marriage - maybe his wife - brings up issues that are troublesome, they discuss them, and then it's resolved.

 

So it's not all "relax and take it easy" as he seems to be saying. You have to address issues that bother you or you will start to resent him.

[Alter ego]

princessa

 

It's beyond me that anyone should be compelled to communicate their feelings when they don't want to. You should'nt expect your man to be like or communicate like a woman. You yourself stated this would be a turn-off anyway. Ok, so you want him to communicate to the precise point you deem acceptable. Well, you can't predict or control people. What if you open pandora's box and he oversteps the mark in your eyes, becoming too 'unmanly' for your tastes? You may be confident he won't, but what if he did, then what? Also, why is it the more emotionally dependent person gets to determine what is healthy communication in a relationship? The less dependent and demanding person seems to me better placed to judge things objectively.

 

The fact that he does not tell you how he feels about everything, does not mean he is emotionally shut down. Many men deal with their emotions by their own internal thought processes. Such is the case with me. I don't want to discuss it. I'm prepared to listen to others vent, but don't expect me to vent. I can even talk about relationships and stuff like that, but don't expect me to talk about myself with any great depth. I prefer to consider things with my own mind. I get greater comfort and clarity this way, than by discussing everything with everybody.

 

I notice a lot of emotional snobbery and arrogance directed toward men from women, many of whom have the conviction that the normative standards they apply to emotional expression and communication are correct, when in actual fact they are just preferences fuelled by myopic self-interest. This myopia forgets that people are different and react differently to the same stimuli.

[burning 4 revenge]

Sometimes I agree with Alpha. Not that women want abusive men, but that they prefer stoic,take-charge men of action. I'm generalizing ,but stereotypes exist for a reason.

 

I'm constantly being friendzoned and there may be more to it then the fact that I'm too affable and expressive, but I think that goes against me too. My last gf has really messed up my head also, I have to say that as a point of reference, but some of the things that happened have left me confused and bitter. For instance, she forwarded some of my e-mails to a friend of hers and they put their heads together and determined I was gay, because I wrote such romantic letters and was too expressive of my feelings. These are two English majors by the way, not dumb girls. I'll never forget her looking me in the eyes and saying that Lauren told her fags were the most romantic guys and that she thinks I should go discover myself.

 

I'm sure that this attitude is on the extreme end of the scale, but I think alot of women want their bf's to be bf's and their friends to be friends and that it's easier for us guys to feel too comfortable about getting overly chummy with them and it comes back to haunt us.

[Woggle]

Alter ego has a point. Some women have this superiority complex where they think they are so emotionally deep and men are this simple creatures who can't possibly understand the female heart.

[princessa]

princessa

 

It's beyond me that anyone should be compelled to communicate their feelings when they don't want to. You should'nt expect your man to be like or communicate like a woman. You yourself stated this would be a turn-off anyway. Ok, so you want him to communicate to the precise point you deem acceptable. Well, you can't predict or control people. What if you open pandora's box and he oversteps the mark in your eyes, becoming too 'unmanly' for your tastes? You may be confident he won't, but what if he did, then what? Also, why is it the more emotionally dependent person gets to determine what is healthy communication in a relationship? The less dependent and demanding person seems to me better placed to judge things objectively.

 

The fact that he does not tell you how he feels about everything, does not mean he is emotionally shut down. Many men deal with their emotions by their own internal thought processes. Such is the case with me. I don't want to discuss it. I'm prepared to listen to others vent, but don't expect me to vent. I can even talk about relationships and stuff like that, but don't expect me to talk about myself with any great depth. I prefer to consider things with my own mind. I get greater comfort and clarity this way, than by discussing everything with everybody.

 

I notice a lot of emotional snobbery and arrogance directed toward men from women, many of whom have the conviction that the normative standards they apply to emotional expression and communication are correct, when in actual fact they are just preferences fuelled by myopic self-interest. This myopia forgets that people are different and react differently to the same stimuli.

 

I do NOT expect my man to become as expressive as myself, and I am well aware that we're both different, and it's great as it is. BUT, with this as with anything else, there need to be compromises, and it is a fact that women have emotional needs that have to be met by their man. The question is how do women generally get their emotional needs met while respecting these differences between themselves and their partners and avoiding like you said emotional "snobbery and arrogance"?

[princessa]

Sometimes I agree with Alpha. Not that women want abusive men, but that they prefer stoic,take-charge men of action. I'm generalizing ,but stereotypes exist for a reason.

 

I believe that there are 2 types of women: those who prefer the take-charge men, and those who prefer men such as yourself, who are extremely romantic, artsy, "dreamers" and poets... Besides, a man writing his woman romantic love letters .... isn't it a classic that every little girl dreams about? I believe the world is plenty of both of these types..

[norajane]

You should'nt expect your man to be like or communicate like a woman.

 

The fact that he does not tell you how he feels about everything, does not mean he is emotionally shut down. Many men deal with their emotions by their own internal thought processes. Such is the case with me. I don't want to discuss it.

 

I prefer to consider things with my own mind. I get greater comfort and clarity this way, than by discussing everything with everybody.

 

I don't think any woman expects a man to communicate the way women do. I do think that women expect their men to communicate when it's important. Without much communication, there's too much room for misunderstanding and it's very likely that issues can fester until they explode.

 

By the same token, men shouldn't expect women to be like or communicate like men. If there are issues that are affecting the relationship, if both of them withdrew to think about it on their own and reach conclusions without any input from the other, then you end up with two people who will grow more and more distant from each other.

[alphamale]

I don't think any woman expects a man to communicate the way women do. I do think that women expect their men to communicate when it's important. Without much communication, there's too much room for misunderstanding and it's very likely that issues can fester until they explode.

Agreed 110%. I also think it is important that each sex know what the other's communication style is.