Does he want me or Is this sympathy

[guest]

I met a man through the dating site on the net in July. We actually met in the beginning of Aug this year. We went too fast because of our age (we're in our early 50') and the distance, we are about 400 miles apart. We both communicated often during the day through e-mail and phone calls, every opportunity we had.

 

IN Sept. we met in SF while he was on business trip which is only 2 hr drive for me and spent very nice weekends together. In Mid Oct. he met my mother, because mother and I went to his town for a business deal she wanted to look into but he insisted on meeting her. My mom was pretty impressed about him and felt he must love me very much by actions she saw of him. For the first time he came to my place in Mid Oct. for 3 days because he had to attend another seminar in nearby town.

 

Then on the 23rd. I sensed that he's e-mail had stopped, and infrequent. I would e-mail and he only call in the evening before going to bed. The following Monday, he brought up issues that was so out of character. Pertaining to my ex who lives is another state that I don't even have contact with. Which didn't make sense to me. Thought he was making excuses so cause a fight of some sort. We didn't argue however our conversation was very unpleaseant.

 

Then, I sent him e-mail 1 day later since I didn't hear from him at all. In my e-mail I explained and reassured my love for him and the past is PAST. Late at night I receive a response saying in so many words that he wants space and we'll deal with it on the following weekend. Late Sunday, he calls and tells me that he is moving out of the country (he spoke about it for the past months I've known him) and then said, it's unfair to me so he cut me off. I couldn't believe it! From the start he said he was on the dating site looking for someone to grow old with and at his age, he doesn't want to do a 'dating game' nor 'short term relationship'.

 

I was completely crushed, and emotionally in bad shape. Following weekend, I drove the long drive to see him - he was so surprised that I did that. He was flattered. We talked and because of distance I couldn't return the same night. I slept over, at his persistance. He wanted intimacy and I told him NOT under the current situation. So, I held my ground. Left the next day, with so much said. He told me that he didn't stop loving me and he is attracted to me, love me but he does not have space in his life to take the pressure about my ex. of whom in his mind, is still in love with me because he still resides at my home. (but he has a girlfriend with him).

 

So, later that evening, the day I left, he calls me and tells me that he loves me, I certainly caught his attention and I am in his life for a long time. That was Sat. Today, it's Wed. and each night he's been calling to say good night but it's more maintenance call. NO e-mails, No phone calls during the day. ONe night his voice is full of love, the next, distanct. He claims he is so preoccupied with selling his practice and moving. He is trying to get the practice in good shape to put in the market.

 

He is a physican. 2 night ago he talked as if I will be with him when he moves . Even asked me if I would have problem finding work where he will go. Then this morning, I spoke to his son (mid 30's) to wish him well for a retreat he was going to and he asks 'have you looked to see for a job there'? So I was caught in surprise he asked me this. I told him I won't have a problem .

 

Oh.. previous to him breaking off with me, he had made arrangement to spend thanksgiving with my girls (all grown) at his house. They are to be flown into his town. Then the day I left his home, he called and asked if the girls didn't cancel the flight, to continue. 2 nights away I gave him the opportunity to back out on seeing my girls if he had said that for that 'moment' thing but really didn't have in his heart. So I told him maybe he should see them sometime later down the road and pass on this time. He said "no, I'm anxious to mee them, if not, I would have told you".

 

I'm confused, he doesn't discuess anything with me about plans or what to do about the move, yet he talks like I'm going to be with him. I don't feel in my heart he is honestly "IN" with me, yet he still wants to meet my grown girls and grands for Thanksgiving. What is going on here?

 

Anybody have any idea? I'm scared to ask him, he might use this to break if off again. I really do love him and want to continue but miss the way things used to be unlike, call before bedtime. Even that, I'm not sure if the call will come or not and every night, it's nerve raking..