I'm finally going to do it but don't know how!

[crazy_grl]

I want to be with someone who can sense my needs just like how I always sense the needs of my partner and if I sense they are unhappy about something I will tell them what I think is the matter instead of torturing them by acting like I am clueless to force them to open up. It only makes me not want to open up because I feel like we are not on the same page, that he doesn't get me. I think we all want to be understood on a certain level especially by our loved ones so if they don't understand us, it does seem pointless to spoon feed our feelings to them.

 

Please don't take offense, Fun, but your moods, thoughts, and reactions are unpredictable and irrational. You pull things way out of left field, and I'm not sure anyone would be able to understand. And you've said that when your bf does ask what's the matter, you either tell him nothing or make something up. How is he supposed to know what's going on with you? Not only that, but you've got him jumping through a lot of hoops. I can't really blame him too much if he's stopped trying.

 

For him to suggest that I need therapy or medication because he is THAT clueless about all the things he does that are bothering me is really making me lose all my feelings for him very quickly, faster than he can realize what is happening and before he knows it I will be announcing our break up to him.

 

Again please don't take offense, because I'm about to be blunt. If your bf did know what was bothering you, he would probably still think you need therapy. We all know here what's been bothering you, and those are the reasons I feel that you do need therapy, not because your bf is clueless. It's because of your thought processes, not because of your bf's actions.

 

Please don't misunderstand what I'm saying though. I'm not saying that you're some crazy person or anything. I just think you have some issues you need to deal with that make it so you don't communicate your feelings and lead you to off the wall assumptions about other people. A lot of people have issues, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Your relationship with your bf may or may not make these issues worse, but they don't seem to be solely a result of the relationship.

 

That's good advice, I should let the therpist ask questions and answer briefly so I can get his feedback too.I mean he costs an arm and a leg so I think that's excellent advice;) to speed things along.

 

I don't think that's what she meant at all. A good therapist can't really help you much without actually knowing what's going on with you. Don't make your answers brief in an effort to save money.

 

He knows how backing out of not having me visit him on the trip is troubling me, so I get upset and he tells me to seek treatment.

 

Does he really know? I remember we asked you if you told him how it made you feel, but I don't recall you saying that you did? Did you tell him? If you didn't, he can't know how much it's bothering you or how much you were looking forward to it.

 

I know this because I often have a problem with people not realizing how important things are to me or how much things bother me. I'll think that I was enthusiastic about something or made it clear that I was hurt, but to others it didn't seem that way at all. I think you do the same thing. And I think, given what you've told us before, that you may have hesitated about telling him how much it hurt that he didn't want you to go, because you were afraid of what he'd think of you.

 

Anyway, whether you break up with your bf is your choice. It may end up being a good thing for you. But you also have to understand that the problems you're having are not all his fault and you need to go to the therapist for your own sake and for the sake of your future relationships.

[norajane]

How did your meeting with the therapist go, Fun? Did you feel comfortable?

[Fun2BMe]

Well, I can say one thing first and that you guys for really encouraging me to go especially when I had made up my mind not to. I was very scared and nervous about the whole thing and wasn't even sure if I still needed it, but it was one of the most amazing hours of my life. I totally connected with this therapist. I feel like he 'gets' me. I opened up so easily, I cried, it was very emotional, very intense and very therapeutic. We barely talked about the bf, just some general information. He was getting to know me and who I am and all that stuff. He has given me so much hope to make me a happier person that just the thought of it is making me feel better!

 

I did think it was strange how before I even started to really talk about anything, he was getting my personal information like if I had ever been on medication before. I told him Zoloft and the bad side effects, and immediately he recommended a different medication then said we won't worry about that until further down the line (I am assuming he'd refer me to a medically certified therapist for it?). The thing is I looked up that drug and it is more for severe type cases and he hadn't even diagnosed me let alone talk much so that part is confusing he'd actually have a drug in mind already. Other than that, things went great. He said he'll be away next week so I have to wait until the following week for our next session.

 

As for my bf I am noticing that whenever I am in a bad mood, even if he caused it, I find everything wrong wtih him and what he does and that gets me feeling many times more worse. When I am in a good mood when we talk, I expect him to also be in a good mood and not even have the right to say anything negative about anything I say or am like while not in a good mood. So I am figuring all this out, maybe I need to wait a long time for the therapy to kick to help me out with my personal life but like I said just knowing that I am getting help is already making me feel better! It was that first step that was very very hard but again I have to thank you guys for not giving up on telling me to go, for the past few months really.

[Walk]

Hi Fun. I'm so glad you went and that you connected so well with the therapist.

 

This is kind of weird, but I feel like yelling, "Yeah! YOU GO GIRL! Kick azz and take names!"

 

I'm really happy you for you. I think it took a lot of courage to go.

[norajane]

Good for you! I'm so glad you were able to connect with the therapist and feel good about getting some help. You're doing a really good thing for yourself.

[destination_unknown]

oh f2bm, i'm not a regular poster, but i have read many of your threads. i just want to reiterate what others have said, i hope you really find benifits from your therapy. i have had some experiences similar to yours and know how scary it is to go, remember that the therapist wont judge you so you can tell them exactly what you are thinking and how you are feeling. thats how they will help you.

 

i would also recommend to you that if you dont already, take up running or some type of aerobic exercise. it will massively lift depression if done vigourously and setting yourself goals with it will really help strengthen your belief in yourself. something as simple as exercising can make such a huge difference.

 

wishing you the best.

[whichwayisup]

I'm really proud of you FUN for sticking with this!! The first session is always the hardest, the build up, the anxieties - But, once it's done (and you felt it) that feeling you get is almost like a high!

 

It's good you and the therapist connected, a trust has been formed so that's a huge plus for you!

 

I will say this, focus on yourself, don't worry about the stuff with your boyfriend right now. Deal with that stuff when you're stronger and able to communicate properly.

[alphamale]

I totally connected with this therapist. I feel like he 'gets' me.

I think thats his job F2BM. Now try not to fall in love with him

[PuppyDogEyes]

Well, I can say one thing first and that you guys for really encouraging me to go especially when I had made up my mind not to. I was very scared and nervous about the whole thing and wasn't even sure if I still needed it, but it was one of the most amazing hours of my life. I totally connected with this therapist. I feel like he 'gets' me. I opened up so easily, I cried, it was very emotional, very intense and very therapeutic. We barely talked about the bf, just some general information. He was getting to know me and who I am and all that stuff. He has given me so much hope to make me a happier person that just the thought of it is making me feel better!

 

I can so relate to the above paragraph - that's exactly what happened during my first therapy session. I was in shock that I was weeping - after so many years of swallowing my feelings down to please other people. It scared me but at the same time, exhilirated me. And you'll find that with each session, it'll get better and better.

 

Like some others here, I haven't posted on your threads but have been following. I wish you all the best - the therapy will help. It makes life so much easier. And yes, don't rush it. The money you spend will be well worth it, I promise you.

 

- pde.

[bedofroses]

are you sure he's not attracted to you and that's why his offer is so genoruose!!! YA I DON'T KNOW HOW TOI SPELL be careful sweetie, yya i hate to when I'm called such names.... good luck.

[Fun2BMe]

are you sure he's not attracted to you and that's why his offer is so genoruose!!! YA I DON'T KNOW HOW TOI SPELL be careful sweetie, yya i hate to when I'm called such names.... good luck.

 

I don't understsand your post. What offer is so generous?? Be careful about what? What names are you called? Oh well, maybe this post is bogus.

[Fun2BMe]

I can so relate to the above paragraph - that's exactly what happened during my first therapy session. I was in shock that I was weeping - after so many years of swallowing my feelings down to please other people. It scared me but at the same time, exhilirated me. And you'll find that with each session, it'll get better and better.

 

Like some others here, I haven't posted on your threads but have been following. I wish you all the best - the therapy will help. It makes life so much easier. And yes, don't rush it. The money you spend will be well worth it, I promise you.

 

- pde.

 

Thanks for your imput and following the thread puppydogeyes. So I guess it wasn't just me but it might be common, the weeping. I mean I walked in feeling ok but a few minutes into it I was weeping so much that I was fighting with myself trying to stop. It was the strangest thing I don't know if it was the therapist or if that would've been the case with any therapist.

 

I am trying to make sense out of it and wondering if I'll be crying like that again. He even had a box of tissues within reaching distance and said that it's normal to cry, but I don't know. I mean we had barely started talking and it was about stuff that I know about my life, so do others cry at their sessions too?

[Fun2BMe]

I will say this, focus on yourself, don't worry about the stuff with your boyfriend right now. Deal with that stuff when you're stronger and able to communicate properly.

 

Yes, that is what I am coming to realize. Whereas before I was basing on getting the therapy in order to help me out with the relationship first and me second, now I am seeing it the other way around. In fact, when we did talk about the bf, it was the therapist who brought him up. I guess he was also naturally curious about a few personal things about us, being friends and knowing my bf for many years, but I do trust him and the first thing he did was reassure me that whatever we talk about is confidential.

[Fun2BMe]

Hi Fun. I'm so glad you went and that you connected so well with the therapist.

 

This is kind of weird, but I feel like yelling, "Yeah! YOU GO GIRL! Kick azz and take names!"

 

I'm really happy you for you. I think it took a lot of courage to go.

 

Thank you, thank you and really, thanks for encouraging me to go!

 

wishing you the best.

Thanks.

[Fun2BMe]

I think thats his job F2BM. Now try not to fall in love with him

 

To be honest, I kind of am. I was going to post that I am starting to lose my feelings for my bf and wasn't sure why, but at the same time I can't deny that I am developing some strong feelings for the therapist. He held a seminar the following night for a group he holds and I called to ask if it would be a conflict of interest if I attended, he said no. I just wanted to be around him because he really does understand me but I wonder if that is normal. I mean we really connected. Crying, hugging, and he listened to me with so much interest like nobody has before. It truly was an amazing experience and I am counting the days for our next session! moreso than I am counting the days for my bf to return!!!!!!!!!!! So what does that mean? I don't know.

 

In fact tonight was the first time that when my bf called, I was not feeling anything. I felt no reaction when I saw his number on my caller ID, I wasn't enthusiastic nor felt strong enough to feel upset at him over anything. I think for the very first time I am actually losing my feelings for him and it's a little scary. I even initiated the saying good bye, usually I want to talk to him more and more. At the same time I am not feeling hurt even when I think about the same things that have been making me feel hurt that I'm not over. Maybe I am over him? I have to see how I react when he calls tomorrow, and most importantly when I see him when he gets back Sunday.

[The slayer]

Fun 2 be me, google transference. Believing you are developing feelings for your therapist is not uncommon,, if your therapist is any good, they should know how to manage this, but it could intefrere with you progress. Just my opinion but having read many of your posts you might be better off with a female therapists. What ever I wish you good luck x

[crazy_grl]

Fun, I'm glad you went and that it was a positive experience for you. I'm proud of you for going. And yes, crying is normal. When I went to one, I walked in feeling pretty good but started crying within a couple minutes.

 

Please be very careful with your feelings toward the therapist. Like alpha said, it's his job to "get" you. And if he does have a romantic interest in you, it's incredibly unethical for him to treat you and try to date you. That's not something you'd want in a bf. Developing feelings for him could turn into a huge mess for you, especially if he does reciprocate. It'll do you more harm than good.

 

I suggest you tell your therapist you're concerned about developing feelings for him because he's a male who you can confide in and who seems to understand you. If he's any good, he should be able to deal appropriately. If the problem continues though, like the slayer suggested, maybe you'd be better off seeing a woman therapist.

[whichwayisup]

FUN, hate to say it, but maybe you're better off with a female therapist. You can't allow yourself to fall for him. Don't mistake him listening and helping you as love and desire, that he wants you. HE IS a professional (I hope!) and shouldn't be letting his personal feelings get in the way. If you feel he is, or you are feeling more and more, find someone else to talk to because you will be wasting your money on him, and it will mess you up.

[whichwayisup]

Haven't seen you in a while, hope you're doing OK Fun. Do an update soon, k!

[blind_otter]

I tried to PM fun but she disabled her PMs. I wonder what's up! I hope you're OK, fun.

[crazy_grl]

Fun, where'd you go? How are you doing?

 

I'm getting concerned about you...

[Fun2BMe]

I kind of disappeared there for a while, was banned for one of my posts so I was unable to PM. Wanted to provide an update, I'll make it short since so much has happened not sure where to start. Bottom line is that he fell for another girl when he went to China, she was to fly out here today to stay with him for a week, I guess they are unseparable. He claims they're only friends and connected strongly, yet she will be staying at his house and will be 'too busy' to see me for the week while she's here. He also showed me some pictures taken of them together on his trip and they looked like they were having a lot of fun, but he was trying to convince me that it wasn't anything serious.

 

I am as hurt as ever. I want to believe him that they're just friends so I won't hurt so much but I know I am only fooling myself. My therapist is great but we haven't gotten past my childhood yet so I am not able to talk about any of the problems I am facing in my life right now. I feel stuck and alone and so hurt.

[whichwayisup]

My therapist is great but we haven't gotten past my childhood yet so I am not able to talk about any of the problems I am facing in my life right now.

 

Mention this to him! If you need to talk about what is going on now in your life, he should be open to that too.

 

As for your boyfriend - Uhmm, break up with him. Just do it! You know he's full of crap, and not telling the truth.

 

I am sorry for your pain FUN, but honestly you're better off without him. For months now all he's brought into your life is confusion and pain. Time for it to end so you can heal yourself.

[dgiirl]

Yeah "Friends". My exh was "friends" with a girl too. So much that he told me he felt like he was cheating on HER being with ME, his wife.

 

Dump the bf. You deserve better.

 

Talk to your therapist. You HAVE to bring this up in therapy. When he asks "how are things", tell him "not very good, you broke up with your bf". This should steer the topic. When I went to therapy, I spoke a lot more about my marriage than about my past. But I had to TELL her what was going on in my life.

[Guest]

it is beyond unethical for a therapist to become involved with a client - that is something so wrong and u should report him and find another right away.