bluemoon980 Posted November 9, 2006 Share Posted November 9, 2006 I am deeply in love with the man that I am dating, and would one day like to marry him. He is nine years older than me with a two and a half year old son. He does have primary custody of his son, and the child only visits his mother once a week and every other Saturday. Basically, she is an alcoholic and not a good influence. We currently live together, and I am having some issues of taking over the role as the primary woman in his son's life. I love his son very much. Just like he was my own, but I am not particularly prepared to having a child right now. I am just starting my career, and did not envision having a child just yet. But I love this man so I am up for the challenge. I do not know what to expect. I am wondering if there are any people in my situation having to learn how to deal with this kind of situation of being a mom, but not completely prepared for the situation? Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 I am deeply in love with the man that I am dating, and would one day like to marry him. He is nine years older than me with a two and a half year old son. He does have primary custody of his son, and the child only visits his mother once a week and every other Saturday. Basically, she is an alcoholic and not a good influence. We currently live together, and I am having some issues of taking over the role as the primary woman in his son's life. I love his son very much. Just like he was my own, but I am not particularly prepared to having a child right now. I am just starting my career, and did not envision having a child just yet. But I love this man so I am up for the challenge. I do not know what to expect. I am wondering if there are any people in my situation having to learn how to deal with this kind of situation of being a mom, but not completely prepared for the situation? Any advice? I am living with my fiance who has a 2 and half year old son. Although we do not have full time custody, we do have him every weekend. I'm not a mother myself, and wasn't prepared at that time for children myself. The first thing is (IMO) to set some boundries between your SO and yourself. What role does he expect you take? What responsibilites does he expect you to take on in regards to the child? How will you parent the child, what are the rules? Will you be involved in discipline? How do you intend to bring him up, schooling, diet etc. Make sure you discuss all of this, as while the decisions are his mothers and your SO's, they may well effect you. While his mother may not be a good mother figure, it should be noted that he does already have a mother. Therefore (again only IMO) the role of Step Mother should be different, and should not be to take the place of the mother. By all means you can be a 'female' role model to him. And by no doubt you will form a very loving bond with him, but it will not be one of mother/son. The main thing to do is to provide the child with love. As you said, love him and cherish him as if he was yours. This is the most important thing. The practicalities of being a full time 'stepmum' can be learnt as you go along. No-one is born a perfect parent. Being a step mum can cause all sorts of issues within itself. Alot of this can depend on the child's mother, and how easy she is to deal with, as well as how well your SO deals with the issues that arise. It can bring stress and heart ache. But from my own personal experience, it can also bring many, many wonderful rewards. Link to post Share on other sites
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