Really Wish Id Listened To All Of You !!!

[sassiex]

if only had listened to all of your advise in the beginning of this rollercoaster ride to hell and back!

i am really hurting at the moment , cant stand it when he goes home, hate it when we are apart!

in over a year we have never spent the night together!

i love him so much its breaking my heart.........really dont know what to do for the best !!

have just got a job as a pole dancer in spearmint rhino.....he doesnt like it !!

help me....feellike in going to go mad xx:lmao: :lmao:

[sassiex]

what usually makes mm finish with us?

do you think showing your feelings too much makes them run????

[peacelove]

what usually makes mm finish with us?

do you think showing your feelings too much makes them run????

 

Sassiex, so sorry for the hurt you're going thru. Sometimes if YOU put your foot down, He will make a move. I didn't have to. He chose to leave an unhappy situation with his wife. Hang in there!!!

[herenow]

what usually makes mm finish with us?

do you think showing your feelings too much makes them run????

 

What you are describing is life as the OW. Why would you want to live that life in the first place?

 

If you tell him that you don't date married men and if he wants to be with you he should deal with is marriage first, you would have your answer.

 

He has no right to be upset at your job choice, but I don't know a lot of guys that would be happy if their (i don't know what to call you here) was working at a strip club.

[Freedom Now]

I am so sorry for your pain. I know it well.

 

STOP the madness. Cut him off. No phone calls, emails, text messages, visits...nothing.

 

If he loves you he will find you when he is free. You are obviously not surviving well as the OW, so you really have no other option.

 

Just let him go. Free yourself and take your power back.

 

Hang in there. You are in for a bumpy road, but you will make it through.

 

Freedom Now

[Chapter2]

FN is right...its not going to get better. End it and brace yourself for the onslaught of pain. There is no way around it. You have to walk right through it. Get someone to talk to and hold you accountable. That is the ONLY way I've made it. Its worth it. I won't tell you I don't still hurt because I do. But, there is NO NEW PAIN.

[GreenEyedLady]

I'm sorry that you're hurting...I am an OW and my MM spends the night with me most times that we see each other...I think you need to let him know what you need and if he doesn't provide it, kick him to the curb...

[sassiex]

thanks for all your kind words, i does help

dont think i am strong enough to finish with him, though i know that is what i should do !!

christmas time is very hard for me as i lost my mother at this time.

do you think he would suffer much if i finished it ??

how would home life be without me ???

[NearlyThere]

Sassiex

 

Sorry your feeling so bad. A couple of days ago I posted this,

 

http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Seduction-of-a-Married-Man&id=6846

 

on another thread, dont know if u read it, its nothing to do with seducing a married man but about how some of the situations start.

 

You have asked "how would home life be without me"

 

This is an extract from the article about this.

 

" The other woman plays a significant part in the perpetuation of this man's marriage.

She makes it tolerable for him to remain in an intolerable situation. She makes it possible for him to remain in a marriage that doesn't satisfy him. That marriage situation can range from boredom to outright contempt, but a man won't leave his marriage until his wife has dismissed him, either consciously or unconsciously. She makes it possible for him to deny that there is anything missing in his relationship with his wife. Therefore, the wife wins, if you can call it winning to stay in a relationship with a cheating man."

 

Obviously, this is taking for granted that what the MM has been saying with regards to his marriage no longer being a happy one is true and its not just a case of him being a cake man.

 

Really what this, is re-iterating is doing what other people are saying here, try and go NC, although I know this is alot easier said that done. You can leave the relationship with dignity and move on with your life, I am planning on trying to do the same.

 

I found this whole article a great help, if you get chance read it, I found some very thought provoking statements. Hope it might help you in some way.

 

NearlyThere (who still is no further there)

[sassiex]

thank you nearly there ! i will go and read that right now !!

makes it so hard when you love them so much doesnt it !

god life is cruel sometimes

[sassiex]

that article made alot of sense....thanks x

[NearlyThere]

Sassiex

 

Your right it is hard when your in love with someone. However think I might have had my wake-up call that he does not deserve, my love, affection, kind words, kind thoughts and caring and, so I have been told, very good bj's, sorry if that offends anyone, but i'm trying not to lose my sense of humour. I am sure there is a single man out there somewhere who wants it, (if anyone finds him let me know, but make sure you let me know first, cos i'm sure there will be a stampede. lol).

 

My MM went on holiday for 3+ weeks a week last Tuesday and despite saying in the week leading up to it how much he was going to miss me, how much he wished he was not going away, how he asked me to meet him at 5am the Saturday after he got back, promptly went without so much as a good-bye text, knowing that there would be no contact of any sort for these 3+ weeks. :mad:

 

So these past 9 days I have just been royally p*ssed at him, just kept saying to myself over and over, I cant believe that he has done that. This morning woke up feeling really down, must have looked it as well, the boss of my department came over at 6 tonight as I was due to leave asking me why I was looking so sad. That opened the floodgate of tears and me saying it was nothing to do with work. Had to drive home, sobbing, my eyes so full of tears, could barely see the road. So I am now sat here thinking despite all his words of love and affection, his actions speak louder.

 

In fact typing this I am getting back to the ****** frame of mind again. I want to keep this feeling and not the pity feeling going until he gets back. I am not contacting him, not sending him the ****** off email, no sending the ****** off text or msn message. He can go whistle for Dixie and if his marriage/wife/life is as awful as he keeps telling me, (which I now think is a load of bollox after reading the stories of some of the BS's on here) he should sort it out himself and not use me as some sort of emotional prop. Can you tell I am a bit annoyed?

 

Sorry this had turned into a bit of a rant, and iv'e hijacked your post Sassiex, but I needed to say it, and to all of you before you start laying into me saying I only have myself to blame, I am aware of this already, thanks.

[sassiex]

Sassiex

 

Your right it is hard when your in love with someone. However think I might have had my wake-up call that he does not deserve, my love, affection, kind words, kind thoughts and caring and, so I have been told, very good bj's, sorry if that offends anyone, but i'm trying not to lose my sense of humour. I am sure there is a single man out there somewhere who wants it, (if anyone finds him let me know, but make sure you let me know first, cos i'm sure there will be a stampede. lol).

 

My MM went on holiday for 3+ weeks a week last Tuesday and despite saying in the week leading up to it how much he was going to miss me, how much he wished he was not going away, how he asked me to meet him at 5am the Saturday after he got back, promptly went without so much as a good-bye text, knowing that there would be no contact of any sort for these 3+ weeks. :mad:

 

So these past 9 days I have just been royally p*ssed at him, just kept saying to myself over and over, I cant believe that he has done that. This morning woke up feeling really down, must have looked it as well, the boss of my department came over at 6 tonight as I was due to leave asking me why I was looking so sad. That opened the floodgate of tears and me saying it was nothing to do with work. Had to drive home, sobbing, my eyes so full of tears, could barely see the road. So I am now sat here thinking despite all his words of love and affection, his actions speak louder.

 

In fact typing this I am getting back to the ****** frame of mind again. I want to keep this feeling and not the pity feeling going until he gets back. I am not contacting him, not sending him the ****** off email, no sending the ****** off text or msn message. He can go whistle for Dixie and if his marriage/wife/life is as awful as he keeps telling me, (which I now think is a load of bollox after reading the stories of some of the BS's on here) he should sort it out himself and not use me as some sort of emotional prop. Can you tell I am a bit annoyed?

 

Sorry this had turned into a bit of a rant, and iv'e hijacked your post Sassiex, but I needed to say it, and to all of you before you start laying into me saying I only have myself to blame, I am aware of this already, thanks.

so sorry your feeling so down, its really horrible when they go on holiday, i know exactly how you feel !!

one minute your as high as a kite the next minute your so fed up you could cry !!!

so what is it that makes us this way ?

my mm called me up several times today wanted to meet up, but i couldnt go, had no babysitter ......so pissed off

you made me really laugh about bjs......thats so true...they never had it so good

so tell me more

take care

have a mad night out with your mates x thats what i do

[sassiex]

when does your mm come back from his hols?

[YesandNo]

I'm sorry that you're hurting...I am an OW and my MM spends the night with me most times that we see each other...I think you need to let him know what you need and if he doesn't provide it, kick him to the curb...

 

With all due respect, how does one claim a MM? You said my MARRIED M.

 

You also said that she should let him know what she needs. Will this matter now that she's excepted to see him even though he had a woman? If he's not concerned about the woman he did marry, why will he be concerned cause the ow is feeling lonely?

 

If he loves you he will find you when he is free.

IMO, women should stop worrying themselves with what move they should make concerning these men. If the relationship is one that he can not live without, wouldn't he just do this? Especially after he's already bedded you and spent time with you?

[sassiex]

With all due respect, how does one claim a MM? You said my MARRIED M.

 

You also said that she should let him know what she needs. Will this matter now that she's excepted to see him even though he had a woman? If he's not concerned about the woman he did marry, why will he be concerned cause the ow is feeling lonely?

 

 

IMO, women should stop worrying themselves with what move they should make concerning these men. If the relationship is one that he can not live without, wouldn't he just do this? Especially after he's already bedded you and spent time with you?

ok point taken !!

little harsh none the less !!

my guess is you are not the ow the wife maybe?

[noforgiveness]

if only had listened to all of your advise in the beginning of this rollercoaster ride to hell and back!

i am really hurting at the moment , cant stand it when he goes home, hate it when we are apart!

in over a year we have never spent the night together!

i love him so much its breaking my heart.........really dont know what to do for the best !!

have just got a job as a pole dancer in spearmint rhino.....he doesnt like it !!

help me....feellike in going to go mad xx:lmao: :lmao:

 

 

:laugh: he's jealous of your JOB but he goes home to a wife everynight? Oh that's good. What an a$$.

Why would you ever put up with someone controlling like that that he would give you a hard time about your job when he is home making love to his wife.

[YesandNo]

ok point taken !!

little harsh none the less !!

my guess is you are not the ow the wife maybe?

 

No, I'm neither. Well...I was the wife at a time:) . I hope you take a good look and see this for what it really is. I didn't mean to be harsh honey:) .

[sassiex]

:laugh: he's jealous of your JOB but he goes home to a wife everynight? Oh that's good. What an a$$.

Why would you ever put up with someone controlling like that that he would give you a hard time about your job when he is home making love to his wife.

well i disagree he is not an ass, and how the **** do you know if he makes love to his wife ????

[sassiex]

No, I'm neither. Well...I was the wife at a time:) . I hope you take a good look and see this for what it really is. I didn't mean to be harsh honey:) .

and that is ??

[noforgiveness]

well i disagree he is not an ass, and how the **** do you know if he makes love to his wife ????

 

Please don't tell me you think he's cute that he's jealous of your job when he has a wife at home.

[outofdarkness]

I have a couple of questions/points...First...do you all call a vacation a "holiday" in England??? Second, why do you all hate it so much if it is a vacation, that he goes on one w/ his wife and family? Is that what you all mean? Just wondering, so that I am clear on the lingo..Is it because you wish he was w/ you and not his family? Is it because you wish that YOU could be in the W's place and have a family with him? I ask because the main OW of my H's said in the D day letter that she felt that she had felt everything regarding our children except for the labor pains...Just wondering if you all want a different life or ever want to jump into the W's place and live HER life..Not bashing or being judgemental, really just don't know...

[NearlyThere]

when does your mm come back from his hols?

 

Hi Sassiex

 

He flies back in two weeks yesterday, not that i'm counting, lol. If I do see him again it will have been 5 weeks without seeing each other, the longest ever yet. When I said this to him he said "oh right i see you every day in my head sorry its not the same for you. thought i mean't something to YOU". Normally see each other about 3 times a week but only for about 20 mins at a time. Glad when he gets back so I can let him have the blast of my wrath. I'm not going to put up with being 5th or 6th best any more.

 

I have a whole weekend away planned with 2 very good friends at Birmingham next week, going to the BBC Food and Drink show. Last year drank too much and nearly fell thru a partition thinking it was a wall.

 

I sometimes think the MM chose a time at short notice on purpose that they know we cant make so it looks like they make an effort and its then our fault. Not that I think he is manipulative of course. lol.

 

Also on a side note a couple of people have written about us OW talking about OUR MM. I know I dont and I'm pretty sure others dont either that when they say MY MM they dont mean it as in an ownership kind of way, I just mean the MM that i'm involved with. Because as most of us on here are talking about the MM they are with we tend to say MY to specify its the one they are involved with not they on they are involved with!!! IMHO no-one OWNS anyone else.

 

NT

[noforgiveness]

nearlythere are you SERIOUS???

 

He only gives you TWENTY MINUTES three times a week and you LOVE him???

 

Oh please don't do this to yourself. How can you let yourself be treated that way? HOW???? You deserve MUCH MORE than that from someone who supposedly loves you.

[NearlyThere]

I have a couple of questions/points...First...do you all call a vacation a "holiday" in England??? Second, why do you all hate it so much if it is a vacation, that he goes on one w/ his wife and family? Is that what you all mean? Just wondering, so that I am clear on the lingo..Is it because you wish he was w/ you and not his family? Is it because you wish that YOU could be in the W's place and have a family with him? I ask because the main OW of my H's said in the D day letter that she felt that she had felt everything regarding our children except for the labor pains...Just wondering if you all want a different life or ever want to jump into the W's place and live HER life..Not bashing or being judgemental, really just don't know...

 

Hi outofdarkness,

 

Dont know if you were asking me, Sassiex or in general but thought I would reply, I obviously have more time on my hands at the mo.

 

Yeah over here in the UK we do call a vacation a holiday, sorry if it confuses people. On another note when I have been out on holiday to the US and chatting to people from there as well I have noticed that your vacation times tend to be alot shorter than ours. We get at least 26 days holiday a year plus the 8 bank holidays, well I think its 8, cant think what you call them, like New Years Day.

 

In reply to your actual question, and I can only answer for me obviously, no its not the going on holiday, nor the fact it is with his W, I dont begrudge any time he spends with her or their children. I wont lie though and say I wish he had met me before he had met his W, but thats a useless wish. Would I like to have a family with him, again I wont lie, if it was possible yes, but knowing the ramifications of that happening, the answer will have to be no. Its purely the fact that by mutual decision he wont contact me, it would be too difficult, so I miss him, when you normally talk to someone 2 + hours a day nearly every day and then go to nothing its quite a wrench.

 

Have to say the OW your H was involved with saying that was quite an odd statement to make. Would I want a different life, mmmm, interesting question, dont know, alot of good/bad etc things have happened so have to take the rough with the smooth, so although I might change a bad bit might also lead to a good bit not happening, do you know what i mean?

 

Hope this answers your question.

 

NT