Guest Posted November 10, 2006 Share Posted November 10, 2006 Friends this is a tough one. I submitted a post in LDR section too just hoping that someone might be able to make a good suggestion. My boyfriend who tells me we'll be married someday is overseas on business long term. Probably 3 years or so. I suspect he's cheating but he denies it. But it really bothers me not only because I suspect it but because he says things like "focus on the future", "you're nuts" and "you're thinking too much". He doesn't say "I'm only in love with you", or "I would never do that to you" or anything that makes me feel better. He just makes me feel guilty about asking him. I've asked him if he wants his freedom and he says and adamant "no", I've asked him if he is cheating he gives me the answers I listed above, but I can't go on like this. There are just too many signs! He talks about other women, is engaged in activities with many "people" including women, he once said something about thinking one of the women were attracted to him and wondering if she was. Why would you wonder about that unless you were open to having something with her? I want to cut him loose, but I'm at the point where I want proof. As I said, he's a master at this and makes me feel guilty and I always do so I can't cut it off without proof. If I had proof, he could not argue and I could have my freedom. I have no access to phone records or anything so that is not an option. So I ask you - does anyone have any ideas? I could really use them. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 I don't see how you're going to get any "proof" if he's in another country unless you know someone he knows over there and that person tells you...although you'd have to trust that person is telling the truth. 3 years is a long time. Do you see each other at all while he's away? Do you visit him? Maybe that would be a good idea - go over there for a couple weeks, stay with him, meet his friends, etc., and see what kind of feel you get for what's going on and what kind of relationshp you two have. Has he asked you to marry him? Waiting for 3 years is a long time unless you two have concrete plans to be together. Link to post Share on other sites
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 I agree with NJ. Three years is a long time for a guy to go without having sex. I'd be on the first plane over there if I were you! But honestly, if you can't trust him and you're unhappy, it's probably best to move on to someone who lives in your same time zone. Link to post Share on other sites
BabyPhoenix Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 I want to cut him loose, but I'm at the point where I want proof. As I said, he's a master at this and makes me feel guilty and I always do so I can't cut it off without proof. If I had proof, he could not argue and I could have my freedom. . Are you hand-cuffed in a prison cell to him? If you “want to cut him loose”, just go. What is stopping you? I have no access to phone records or anything so that is not an option. So I ask you - does anyone have any ideas? I could really use them. It sounds like there is no trust in your relationship as it is, which is essential in an LDR. If I were you, just end it so that you can both move on from this torture. Why are you in this relationship anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
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