Chapter2 Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 Another thread got me thinking about this question.... Does everyone romanticize their ex and does it matter whether or not you were left or did the leaving? I find that for myself, the wonderful things about my ex are now even more wonderful and the bad things aren't nearly as bad as they were. The reverse has also happened when I have ended the relationship but still had feelings for them. The question is this.... Is it human nature to romanticize in either situation? What if the break up was mutual but you both still love each other very much? Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 In my opinion people want what they can't have, so the ex who breaks things off seems much more appealing than the one you rejected. Out of the four serious relationships I was in before I got married, only one of the guys broke up with me, as opposed to me doing the breaking up. He is the only one it has taken me years to get over. After we first broke up, I couldn't get rid of these tape loops that replayed over and over in my brain, reinacting various scenarios of how things could have gone differently. I could not shut these thoughts off. I also used to have dreams about him--in one dream he would hate me, in the next he would love me again. Finally, my therapist said I had elevated him to superhuman status in my imagination and I should picture him on the toilet taking a big shxt! I actually tried this and it did help stop the obsessive thoughts. Over the years they have faded but never gone away completely. Recently a mutual friend of ours emailed him out of the blue, and when she was telling me about his friendly, positive response, my heart was pounding, and I was sooo jealous, even though I am not generally a jealous person and have not laid eyes on him in over fifteen years. One thing that did help was googling him to see what he looks like now. In his recent photo he has aged, just like the rest of us, so at least I was no longer picturing him the way he looked when I last saw him as a gorgeous boy in his twenties. As for my other exes, I mostly remember them fondly. I might wish I could re live certain moments but I don't regret moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 11, 2006 Share Posted November 11, 2006 I don't find myself romanticizing them. If anything, with time and distance, I see them as they were even more clearly than when I was with them. Link to post Share on other sites
myflyby Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 I have trouble letting ANYTHING go, and even though I've only had one other serious ex, I do think about him all the time. Not really in a sexual way, more like, romantisising the time we spent together, and the period in my life he represents. Link to post Share on other sites
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