Troubled with wife's past

[James8888]

I'm finding this conversation to very interesting. What's really intriguing to me is that although most are telling me this thing my wife did was in the past and I shouldn't let it get to me I'm still seeing a lot of response to the topic. This tells me that it's still hitting a big nerve with most of you. So, I can tell you all that I do believe what you're telling me and I'm going to put this behind me yet still my reaction is not unwarranted or abnormal. I know this 3-way was way in the past but Spectre, whom seems to say pretty much the opposite of what most of you say, still had some good points. Spectre (although somewhat slanted I think) is a straight shooter and is right that most men wouldn't 't want to think of their wife in this way. I'll explain more down below but I want to answer each of you. You took the time to talk to me, it's helping, and I think they warrant responses.

 

Sup: I'm not looking for permission to have a FFM 3-way. She knows that I'd like one. But, I'd never push something like to the point of wrecking our marriage. If she were to say that she'd like to bring another F in I'd be interested though. But only if she were OK with it. Come on, what hetero guy could honestly say he wouldn't? And, she knows my past and that this is one of the things that I never did.

 

Whicway: I'm not the same person I used to be. In fact, I'm very different. My wife knows what I was like (as I've told her) but she's never seen it. It does bug her some when she hears that stuff though. I don't ever actually see a 3-way with my coming to fruition to be honest here. Fantasy is cool but the reality is that I don't think we could handle it and it would wreck us eventually. We've fantasized about 3-ways FFM and MMF and it's all good in fantasy. But, now after all this a MMF encounter actually makes me want to puke. I can't even look at porn right now with a MMF. So, I don't think a FFM is going to happen either. Look, when you get older things do become different and you look at sex differently. We both have said that something like this would be cool if only we could keep the emotions out of it. We just can't. Personally, I don't know how swingers do it. They must either not really love the other, are emotionally cut off, or possibly bi-sexual, which could explain the interest in bringing the other in I suppose.

 

Reservoir: (I love the name the pic by the way. 2 of my favorite moves). I do know this is in the past but it's still hard. Norajane is right, I think this will pass and get better. Everyday it does. I'll get there it's just a bit of a journey for me. And this is a good lesson in humility. I'm still having trouble sleeping though and sneaking smokes outside at 2 am. I guess it's just my way of coping.

 

Adunaphel: Ya, for a guy it is different; I hate to say it. I don't know if you're F or M but I'm going to bet you're a F. I can tell from what each of you write what the gender is for the most part. See, for a man sex is very big deal. For women the emotions are what really matter. Men have a hard time showing their feelings and sex is sometimes the only place they can do it and feel comfortable. When you get married I think most men would say sex and those private areas of his wife are sacred. And, to think of them being used in abusive ways is really hard to take. A man when he's young wants to bang sluts…it's pretty cut and dry. Come on guys..you know I'm right. But in the end he just wants his wife not to have been one of them. Hypocritical, yes. But there it is. And, I really challenge most of the guys here to tell me different if it were their wife.

 

Would the way I was affect my wife in the same way……maybe, not sure about that. I know she doesn't like to hear that stuff about me. This is fresh for me and it will pass but I think a lot of you guys would be feeling the same way (even if you know better…and I do). I wouldn't have felt better had these guys treated her badly; in fact I think they did. And your last comment it not far fetched at all. Only the opposite of the way I see it. I don't think these guys treated her with respect, I think they treated her like a piece of trash. What's worse is she wanted them too. That's why I have a problem with her experimentation. I think they pretty much treated here the way I would have back then. And, that bothers me too. I've always told her that she got the best of me and I was glad I hadn't met her back then. Now more so then ever.

 

Wheeww…this got long. Sorry about that. But, I'll leave you all with this. If you're curious about your partner's past. Just drop it. If I could rewind the clock a bit I'd have cut her off and told her not to tell me. Wondering was bugging me but the truth is way worse. Just enjoy the relationship you have for what it is TODAY. Let the past (yours and hers) stay where it is.

 

Later all

[QWERTY]

Hi James8888,

 

I've been in your shoes, and thought I'd share what's been helpful for me.

 

I've learned (the hard way) that I never want to hear about my partner's sexual history. I especially had trouble with someone from my current girlfriend's past -- a "purely sexual relationship" as she described it. I'm still not fully over hearing it, but I am working on it.

 

But my sexual history is much more colourful than any woman I've ever been with. I realized that I wasn't jealous because my partners had done something that I hadn't, but that they had shared that most intimate part of themselves with people other than me. I've learned to accept that as a reality of dating (there's only so many 30-year-old virgins to go around after all), but when it's something more... sleezy (couldn't think of a better word) like a purely sexual relationship (or a MMF threesome), well, that's much harder to hear. When it was all just about having sex for the sake of having sex, it makes me feel insecure. I think this is partly because my relationships with them are never like that (so I wonder if those other people had something I don't), and partly because it's just hard to accept the person that you love and respect once got down and dirty just for the sake of getting down and dirty.

 

So, I would suggest you're not jealous that your wife has done something you haven't, but that you're jealous that someone else turned her on enough sexually that she was with him (um, them) in a purely sexual way. Add to that the fact that you feel a MMF threesome is sleezy, and no wonder you're feeling uncomfortable. Would you also be uncomfortable if she told you about a drunken one-night stand she had with some guy, and ended by recommending it to everyone? I know I would be.

 

So I would suggest that you think about it this way... if you weren't married, and you knew someone was involved in a MMF threesome in their past, would you consider being in a relationship with them? If the answer is no, then maybe you've lost some respect for your wife. If the answer is "yeah, sure, why not?", then maybe you just can't stand the idea of the woman you're committed to being sexual for the sake of sex with someone else.

 

Either way, I think it's something you'll have to work through because I've found it doesn't just go away on it's own. I've found that thinking about specific things in my own past helps a bit -- it reminds me that I've been sleezy too. And I suggest you have a conversation with your wife about it, tell her that it made you uncomfortable, and that you don't want to discuss it again. I think it's going to be hard to continue your threesome fantasy talk with her with it in the back of your mind, so maybe you'll need to find some new fantasies.

 

Hope that helps.

[whichwayisup]

This is why it's best to leave past sex lives in the past and not discuss it with your spouse/partner now.

 

I don't ask my hubby, he doesn't ask me. If I find myself wondering, or wanting to ask, I just don't! It's not worth opening that can of worms...

[Cecelius]

It'd be different if the OP'd actually done something like this - fantasy is just that, and often its the fantastic aspect of it that has the allure.

 

To me it's pretty clear that I'd not be comfortable with it -- it's just plain skanky (in my book), so even if in the past, I think it would change my opinion and I'd have to factor it in. It's highly doubtfull that the dudes in question had a lot of respect for her the next day. The time passage issue is legitimate though (I'm sure I did plenty of chumpy things in my youth that my g/f would prefer not to know about).

 

I suggest that you tell your wife you can stick around as long as you have a three way with another hot chick and keep things evened up...

[unsafe]

I wouldn't dwell on it. I can see why it bothers you. But at least these men aren't in her life now. At least it is the past. she should not have told you. But she did. You have to be secure enough with yourself to know, she is happy with you. She only wants you. She doesn't consider having a three some now she knows it would cause to many problems. There is your answer let it be the past. Let it pass. stop thinking about it.

 

I learned...five minutes to the hour think about it. When the five minutes passed stop if you find it coming into your mind again wait till the 5 minutes before the hour. I am going to try this.

 

My boyfriend had a three some with his brother and his fiance. Before I was around. But he lives and works with this women and considers her a friend. Not to mention all four of us lived together and she kicked me out because she was jealous of me and him. Yet he stays there! At least the past is the past. Be happy!

 

You have a great life!

[Cecelius]

She doesn't consider having a three some now she knows it would cause to many problems. There is your answer let it be the past.

 

This is one of my favorite things about the "what she did in the past" business. 9 times out of 10, all the cool, naughty, experimental stuff gets done with skads of dudes in college when it all means "nothing," but then suddenly she wants to be treated like a godess and a queen and won't even consider doing this stuff with the husband...

 

Anyway, maybe in another 30 years this kind of thing will be ordinary course for young ladies in their past, but for me this still stands out as Girls Gone Wild type stuff, swinging, etc. If it's your thing, no problem, but I definately think it is on the fringe (in my little world).

 

In the end, you can either try to forget about it and realize that your wife is a little different than you thought, or you can move on.

[Walk]

I'm not the same person I used to be. In fact, I'm very different. My wife knows what I was like (as I've told her) but she's never seen it. It does bug her some when she hears that stuff though.

My bf was like you when he was younger. One night stands and then he'd get his next door neighbor to take the chick home cause my bf was an ass. Bugs the PISS OUT OF ME!!!! Probably the one thing about his past the really bothers me. Not that he had sex with a 100 women, or past sexual exploits in dark bars, or the one night stands.. It was that he was cold to a lot of those women he had sex with. He used them. My bf doesn't know it bothers me. Well, if he does, I'm sure he would be shocked at how much it does bother me to know that the man I love was a complete azz to my gender.

 

Second thought: Any chance she glorified the retelling of the three way in some naive thought that it would fuel your fantasy too? Just as you thought it would when you asked her more about it...

 

I told my bf I had a three way one time (long before I met him). It was kind of a stupid reason that I told him. Anyway.. my experience with a three way was not how I portrayed it to my bf. Ego got the better of me. The experience really sucked, but I of course told my bf that it was great. Plus, he's far more experienced then I am, and it was my only claim of "wild and kinky" I really had. So I over exagerated in order to make myself seem "more experienced".

 

If you really want a three way, maybe your wife is telling you she really enjoyed the past one as a way to say that she would enjoy it if you two had one... In essence, she's attempting to keep the fantasy alive for you. If she had told you she hated it.. wouldnt' that have affected your fantasy three way that you two were creating?

 

Last thought: Are you upset because you feel threatened? Knowing that your wife had two guys to fulfill her needs, maybe you fear that she secretly thinks you alone are not enough for her? Just wondering.... (I skimmed through the last page, so if this was already asked, please ignore.)

 

p.s. Does she like anal and that's why she really enjoyed the three way? Or no anal.. I mean.. it's possible not to have anal. Just thinking that maybe if she really dislikes anal, and she's telling you she loved the 3 way, then maybe she's fibbing...

[James8888]

Cecelius: Thanks for the words. I am getting better with this thing but like you said there will always be something changed here for me and it does factor into my thoughts of her. Not enough to wreck my marriage or to leave but enough where I lost a little bit of respect for her. I still love her though. I do think making her have a 3-way now with me would be asking for real problems though. I'd never force something like that. Now if it were her idea and it was FFM then hmmm…..I'd have to think about it.

 

Unsafe. Wow. I give you a lot of credit. If she had told me the 3-way was with her sister and brother-in-law I think that would have been too weird for me. But, if you can handle it then that's great. I'm not sure I could handle that one though. But, thanks for the coping tip. And, you're right. The past is the past.

 

Walk: It's funny how men and women see things differently. You see you bf being a user as being the worst. A man would definitely see promiscuity as a bigger problem. I guess that's why we're different. Hey, if you're bf isn't an ass any more then guess what…he just grew up and you got the best of him. Be happy that you got the good part. Sometimes a man just needs to go through that kind of period to grow and become the man he is today.

 

It's possible my wife embellished on the story. It was pretty explicit, which I thought was kind of weird actually. I mean we're talking 17 years ago and she said she was really drunk. If you asked me about something that long ago and if I was wasted the specifics would be fuzzy at best. So, maybe you're right. Why did you embellish on your story? Was it to just get one up on him? Was it to make him jealous? How did he react to it? I wonder if he felt at all like I did? You may be right in that she told it good for my benefit. Do I think she'd have another 3-way if I let her? Yes I do. But, she also doesn't think I could handle it and wouldn't want to wreck the marriage. We have a good open relationship and we talk about much of this stuff. Believe it or not, it actually has made us closer and the sex unbelievable! I know that sounds weird, but it really has.

 

I don't really feel threatened by this. More bugged that these two guys know what it's like to treat my wife that way. She's the mother of kids after all. That's really hard to take. I was asked a while back that if she had told me this when we were dating would I have stayed with her? To be honest I'm not sure. I hate to say that but I'm really not sure. I would have lost some respect for her for sure though. But, now after out life together, and all the openness I have to get by this. And, now that I'm older I know I can understand this better. Still no one wants to really think of his wife this way. Anal. We've done it but she's not too into it. Fibbing about this story? Boy, I doubt it. Actually I'd like to think she was but we talked about how I felt a little while ago. She cried and I think feels a little ashamed and sorry she even told me too. So, if she made it up I think she would have come clean at that point. But, maybe I can use the fibbing idea and it'll make this easier.

 

Thanks, your posting actually made me feel much better. In a weird way, if I can somehow think that it wasn't so good for her then I do feel better about it. What's up with that? Anyone? I can psychoanalyze pretty good but that one kind of stumps me.

 

Later all. And, thanks for the input. These conversations are really getting good.

[Walk]

Walk: ...Be happy that you got the good part. Sometimes a man just needs to go through that kind of period to grow and become the man he is today.

I agree... which is why we're still together. ALthought, sometimes his a-hole tendencies still come out...

 

Why did you embellish on your story? Was it to just get one up on him? Was it to make him jealous? How did he react to it? I wonder if he felt at all like I did?

Couple different reasons all thrown in the mix. We're pretty up front about our sexual pasts anyway, but he told me about some crazy stuff he did and I felt I had to prove I was just as open for sexual exploration. A small part of me wanted to dig under his skin a bit because he had had so much experience in the past. I wanted to shock him. I wanted to be on more even footing sexual with him. bunchs of little reasons...

 

The largest reason though, the one forefront on my mind at the time... It's important to my bf to feel that he can have whatever sexual desire he wants. He wouldn't do anything to hurt me, but he needs that idea of freedom in sexual action as far as ME being up for anything. Without that then I curtail his fantasy life, or it could potentially lead him to start fantasizing about other women who WILL do those things I said I wouldn't do. So I try to portray myself as more outlandish than I am. Remember, he's done it all, had it all.. I've got nothing he hasn't seen 100 times over. So to keep him happy and satisfied, I have to play up to the fantasy of being outrageous and kinky and totally open for anything. Even if I have to fib a bit about my past in order for him to believe in the idea. (3 years and the kinkest we've done is anal.. he just wants the idea of wild, not the actuality of it)

 

He never mentioned anything about being bothered by my revelation about a 3 way. but now that you mention it, he did seem odd for a few days after that.. Probably did bother him, and he never said anything about it. hmm.. food for thought.

 

Anal. We've done it but she's not too into it. Fibbing about this story? Boy, I doubt it. Actually I'd like to think she was but we talked about how I felt a little while ago. She cried and I think feels a little ashamed and sorry she even told me too. So, if she made it up I think she would have come clean at that point.

Assuming she's over embellishing the experience: If she doesn't come clean, would you get over it? If she did come clean and says she lied, what happens to this great new sex life the two of you have? The one that has been founded on this sexual fantasy of a 3 way... Is she choosing the lesser of two evils? You'll eventually forgive her for telling you about the three way, you'll eventually get over it... but would you "get over" the death of the fantasy you two shared? What if she had changed her story and said she hated it and never wanted to do another three way? How would that affect your fantasy? And even at that, you'd still be left doubting whether she really meant she hated it or not... so she would have killed the fantasy and you'd still be dealing with trying to get over it... At that point, it's a no win situaiton for her. It'd be better to just apologize and stick with the story, then change the story and ruin something really good.

 

I'd rather apologize for overstepping my bf's comfort zone then destroy his fantasy about it.

[Spinderella]

Its probably an ego thing. How can you compete with two guys?

I can understand where you are coming from though. As a woman, I would probably feel awful if I discovered that my long term partner had said all the sweet things he says to me, to other women in the past. Even though this is undoubtedly true, I still would not like to hear about it. In some ways it may cheapen those words for me, for awhile.

I think perhaps it cheapens the sex with her, because, it doesnt feel like it is a special act for you and especially if she gave it to two men at once. Of course this isn't true in reality, and in your rational mind you know this, that is why you have to try to get past your egos response to this.

Although she has had sex with other guys and you know this, perhaps she has never divulged this information in so much detail as this particular sexual act, therefore they are less real to you. It might also be part of it.

[Cecelius]

I think perhaps it cheapens the sex with her, because, it doesnt feel like it is a special act for you and especially if she gave it to two men at once. Of course this isn't true in reality, and in your rational mind you know this, that is why you have to try to get past your egos response to this.

 

This I think is a Man/Mars moment: I can sympathize with the view that the fact of something occuring (the group sex) is a fact that cannot be dealt away with and will instruct the feelings that a man has. Many men ground what they feel in what they view as the reality of history, fact and occurrence, rather than solely what they happen to feel (in my mind, the ability to feel in a vacume and without regard to fact and occurrence more or less cheapens the feeling -- it basically means that so long as your mind can deny reality, you can "feel" anything with anyone.) This is why it does not compute for many men to value sex with a promiscuous woman - you may like her, love her, etc., but the fact that it has been given so freely affects the sense of privilege a man would prefer to experience. Doesn't have to destroy things but shouldn't be ignored.

[norajane]

This I think is a Man/Mars moment: I can sympathize with the view that the fact of something occuring (the group sex) is a fact that cannot be dealt away with and will instruct the feelings that a man has. Many men ground what they feel in what they view as the reality of history, fact and occurrence, rather than solely what they happen to feel (in my mind, the ability to feel in a vacume and without regard to fact and occurrence more or less cheapens the feeling -- it basically means that so long as your mind can deny reality, you can "feel" anything with anyone.) This is why it does not compute for many men to value sex with a promiscuous woman - you may like her, love her, etc., but the fact that it has been given so freely affects the sense of privilege a man would prefer to experience. Doesn't have to destroy things but shouldn't be ignored.

 

This is really interesting, because, I'll venture to say, many women do exactly the opposite for their men - they either deny the reality (that their guys were promiscuous) or they accept it (that their guys were promiscuous) and remind themselves they were the "one" for whom the guy stopped being promiscuous in order to feel special, i.e., the bad boy "changed" for her!

 

If women didn't do some kind of jedi mind trick on themselves in order to move beyond their men's sexual histories, they'd have a hard time actually having relationships because who would they have them with? When I was in my 20's, it would have been hard for me to find a guy who hadn't already had multiple meaningless sex partners. Now, in my 30's, it's almost impossible to find a man without a long string of them.

[milvushina]

 

In a weird way, if I can somehow think that it wasn't so good for her then I do feel better about it. What's up with that? Anyone? I can psychoanalyze pretty good but that one kind of stumps me.

 

 

 

Because if it wasn't so good, your ego wouldn't feel threatened. You can't really compare sex with you to a meaningless threesome because those two sexual acts are so different. So if she loves sex with you but didn't like the threesome, you'd feel okay, but since she says she enjoyed both you feel insecure. You can't compete with that, and you don't even need to, but maybe, since she claims to have liked it, you feel a nagging irrational desire that you should compete. I don't think I am saying that very well but maybe you get the gist of what I mean.

[Cecelius]

If I were to hazard an old-fashioned guess, the reason that it makes sense emotionally for a woman to be able to think of it that way is that she realizes that it is her existence that has STOPPED him from being like that (ie, he loves her and that makes him value the act enough to stop his otherwise manly desires).

[norajane]

If I were to hazard an old-fashioned guess, the reason that it makes sense emotionally for a woman to be able to think of it that way is that she realizes that it is her existence that has STOPPED him from being like that (ie, he loves her and that makes him value the act enough to stop his otherwise manly desires).

 

Is it impossible for men to accept that women also have "desires" and that perhaps meeting HIM has stopped her from being like that...?

[Xhie]

Hes not feeling bad because its trampy, hes feeling bad because hes jealous.

 

My boyfriend had the same problem. He kept pressuring me to have a 3 some with him and another girl, I told him "maybe eventually if its right and a person I am ok with"

 

He took that to mean, "Ok dear! I'll have a hot girl waiting for you next Tuesday!"

 

When there was not a hot girl waiting on the bed with her legs spread next Tuesday he would not stop pressuring me, it made me mad, he finally asked why I would not do it (he hadn't up to this point, because men are selfish when it comes to this crap)

 

And I told him it was because I have done it in the past and I did not like it one bit, its actually how I lost my virginity. As a fantasy with another woman its somewhat appealing but I'm still uncomfortable doing it.

 

He got angry for weeks! Its the only thing we have ever had screaming fights about, ever, and it all came down to him just being jealous.

 

To the OP my advice is this: get the **** over it and most importantly smile when you look at your wife and shut up about it.

[Cecelius]

Is it impossible for men to accept that women also have "desires" and that perhaps meeting HIM has stopped her from being like that...?

 

Not impossible, which I why I try to use words like "tends" and "affects" rather than presumptions. But, just like women have various opinions about what men should be (and enforce them by skipping over men who do not match up), men may have them about women.

 

The OP is talking out loud because he's married to her, loves her and is trying to figure out how not to have this be an issue.

[Spectre]

So if a man has a threesome with two women, does that make him a pornstar too? Or is it "COOL" and "MANLY" when it happens to a guy?

 

 

Nope. To be honest, I think only skanky girls have 3 somes. So if a guy bangs 2 girls? eh, its like doing it with 2 skanks to me. In my eyes, that isnt manly. Its not an accomplishment cuz they'd probably jump into bed with anyone

 

Now, I can see why the idea is appealing to men, and I myself find it appealing, but when it comes down to it, I dont think the type of girl that would do that is the type of girl I want.

[Spectre]

Is it impossible for men to accept that women also have "desires" and that perhaps meeting HIM has stopped her from being like that...?

 

the thing is, nobody is saying its rational thinking.

 

the bottom line is no guy wants their gf, let alone wife, to have ever been the type of girl to desire 2 c*cks, lol. Nobody wants to be with a girl who in their eyes used to be a skank.

 

 

Also, 2 men and a women is way different than 2 women and a man.

 

Heres why:

 

With 2 girls and one man, the man is usually having sex with one, maybe the other girl is playing with herself..or the women who is having sex is pleasuring her, etc.

 

with 2 guys, the women has a d*ck in every hole. so maybe its one in her mouth, one in her vagina. maybe its one anal, one vaginal. the thing is, thats just a much more horrible image to me.

[Spectre]

I also must add I disagree with the notion of not discussing sexual history with your partner.

 

This is a perfect example. I think when a couple begins to have sex and get closer they should have this discussion. This lets each other know what they are getting into. This way you know if this person is the type you want to be with or not. Hell it should happen BEFORE you begin to regularly have sex.

 

As I said this is a perfect example. If this couple had discussed this when they first began to be intimate and close, there would be no problem. If you dont discuss it, then stuff like this happens, it eventually gets brought up in some way and feelings are hurt and the image of how you saw your partner might change. Thats just how i feel, get it out of the way in the beginning of the relationship so 20 years later it doesnt come out.

 

I also find it kind of insensitive the wife basically described it as an awesome experience, that doesnt help the situation. I would hope she would regret that type of action

[Spinderella]

I also must add I disagree with the notion of not discussing sexual history with your partner.

 

This is a perfect example. I think when a couple begins to have sex and get closer they should have this discussion. This lets each other know what they are getting into. This way you know if this person is the type you want to be with or not. Hell it should happen BEFORE you begin to regularly have sex.

 

As I said this is a perfect example. If this couple had discussed this when they first began to be intimate and close, there would be no problem. If you dont discuss it, then stuff like this happens, it eventually gets brought up in some way and feelings are hurt and the image of how you saw your partner might change. Thats just how i feel, get it out of the way in the beginning of the relationship so 20 years later it doesnt come out.

 

I also find it kind of insensitive the wife basically described it as an awesome experience, that doesnt help the situation. I would hope she would regret that type of action

 

Yeah, but if everyone discussed it first, then few women would stand a chance, since alot of men seem to have a huge problem with their partners sexual past. However, you do have a point in that it would force men to have to deal with these issues or else never settle down in a meaningful relationship with anyone.

[shoedevil]

Yeah, but if everyone discussed it first, then few women would stand a chance, since alot of men seem to have a huge problem with their partners sexual past. However, you do have a point in that it would force men to have to deal with these issues or else never settle down in a meaningful relationship with anyone.

It sounds like you assume no one has had a modest or limited sexual history. Which isn't true. I think most people are fairly careful about what they get involved in. And men aren't the only ones who have emotional reactions over this issue. I've known plenty of women who expressed similar concerns. Wouldn't telling the truth about something like this up front allow both parties to make informed choices? Isn't honesty in relationships a good thing?

[Xhie]

Its only an issue when your dating or maybe in the first year or so of marriage.

 

After 13 years this is not about her sexual history.

 

Shoedevil you really should stop calling all women that have had sex with more people then just there husband whores. Its really none of your bussiness who has sex with whom and when they had sex with them.

 

Your also assuming that everyone out there has a problem with there partners sexual history. This is simply not true. There are a great many people out there that love and respect there partners, as well as people that understand that their partners past has made them the person they love today.

 

So with all due respect stop assuming things about other people.

[Cecelius]

I dunno that anyone used the "w" word...

 

This may devolve into another tired thread about the double standard (which I think men will abandon as soon as the rest of the double standards that get used against them are abandoned).

 

This comes up mostly when the levels are seriously misalligned or her statistical number is so far out of wack that it indicates underlying issues, or the conduct in question is out of the dude's applicable sense of what is in the range of normal -- I still think that a girl being done by two college boys is a little out of the range, even in the early 90s or late 80s.

[shoedevil]

So with all due respect stop assuming things about other people.

With all due respect, please don't put words in my mouth. And try to use your brain when you post a response. I'd like you to quote anything I said in my post that even suggests a derogatory view of women. Or that I support a double standard of any kind. Or that I generalized about anything. Do I think my girlfriend is damaged goods because she wasn't a virgin when we first started dating? I wouldn't be engaged to her if I did. And I don't have any sympathy for the OP. His discomfort would make more sense to me if he hadn't sown his own wild oats...

 

First you say this...

Its only an issue when your dating or maybe in the first year or so of marriage.

And then you say this...

Its really none of your bussiness who has sex with whom and when they had sex with them.

Maybe you could explain why you contradicted yourself. How can it be an issue at the same time it's nobody's business?