A long-time problem in the family

[ICS]

I am almost 22, and my brother is 3 years younger than me. We live in a very sheltered family with parents who are always there for us. Sure, I enjoy having such a good relationship with my brother and my parents, but something was lost along the journey of my brother and I growing up.

 

Both of us started out as highly introverted, non-outgoing people. Looking back, the environment in which we grew up in had a lot of influence on this. In our earlier years, we went to a very strict boys-only private school, with very high expectations of us all the time. Our father used to have his own small company, and oftentimes we never had the chance to see him because he would return home mostly after midnight. Our mother was also a very busy person as well, but she did manage to spend all her after-work hours helping us with homework. We had little contact with other kids our age, and the odd weekend outing was spent with our parents only.

 

Further down the timeline, I became more open and less shy for my own good, but my brother could never follow in my footsteps. He is not particularly successful at school, extremely shy, and afraid to speak his thoughts. All of this together also meant he had few friends. In the past five years, I had my first girlfriend, and during that time my confidence improved alot, and I also became much more outgoing as a result. During this same time, my brother was going through some of the toughest problems in life. I have always wanted to help, but with enough problems with my demanding ex-girlfriend and my own life to deal with, there wasn't much that I had time for.

 

Now, we go to the same university, and live in an apartment downtown. His problems are still there. But now there are even more problems.. his lifestyle is not a very good one, and his demanding undergraduate years in architecture did not help him much in that regard. More often than now, he is burning the midnight oil or working non-stop days and nights at the studio.

 

I worry about his current mental and physical state alot, as he appears to be self-hating, often implying that life is purposeless and that he will always live a miserable life.

 

Any help or advice is very much appreciated. Thanks in advance guys.

[lizzielou]

Does he have any hobbies? Does he really love architecture? Has he given thought to the possibility of spending his next 50 years like this? What is it that made you open up more to begin with?

 

I know school can be demanding, but can you get him away from the studying for short periods of time for things like movies? He needs to realize that every person needs a healthy work/play balance. He sees life as purposeless because he isn't living it to its fullest. Plus he needs to gain more people skills b/c he WILL have to work with others. No one likes to work with bitter, uptight people.

 

You probably realize this, but keep in mind that your parents and your actions influence him quite a bit. He probably looks up to you, even if neither one of you realizes it. Take him out to a movie (preferably a comedy) or to get a drink.