Guest Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Alright-- First off, let me apologize for the length of this post, but I think the whole story needs to be told. Second, what a great site this is-- I've really enjoyed reading the responses to the other threads. That being said-- Tabitha and I dated for three years, going on four. She was the only one I've ever gotten a ring for, my only engagement, and my only true desire for marriage. I'm 28, have no kids, and she's 23. Some months ago, we had had a fight, and she told me she was moving out-- which I agreed to. However, circumstances didn't permit that, and we moved out of our old apartment and into a new one together. When we were moving, a man named "Chris" helped us move-- a young army guy. Once we were settled into our new place, the proverbial "break" started- she needed a break, and I once again agreed. This was when things really started becoming weird-- phone calls from this Chris guy at all hours of the night, I kept finding the two of the together, etc. You see, I'm older, and have had my time in the bar scene. Therefore, I didn't feel bad about letting Tab go to bars, etc., after all I'd had my party days. But when she told me she was going to Hot Springs to see her parents, and CHRIS came to pick her up (she didn't know I'd be there, I'll give more details if they're asked for) talk about a slap in the face-- not to be over dramatic, but that was the ultimate betrayal. When he came to our apartment at in the morning one night to "Break up" with her ( I know this b/c I finally cornered him at a bar) I knew something had been going on. Guys don't just DO that out of the blue. At any rate, that has been some time ago-- Tab and I have broken up, I have my own place now, and she has our old one. But, I'm miserable. I have to see her every day at school (Though I graduate in May, thank God), and she calls me, tells me she loves me, everything, to this day. What the hell is going on here? I know she isn't seeing Chris anymore (come to find out, he was still married) but why won't she give me some peace? Some people I know say she's trying to keep me on the back burner, others say that we're both still very much in love, and she'll follow me when I leave in May for Grad school. We DO still have sex, at least some times. There's all sorts of details and recent events that I could divulge, but that would take up way too much space and time-- so my question to you guys is, what do I do? How can I get over this? Every day is (God I hate sounding like an over dramatic sap) a living hell for me. She even writes me notes from time to time, "I'm sorry I was nasty to you, I love you, etc." She calls me all the time, just to say "hi." I have no doubt in my mind that she's seeing other people, possibly several, but yet she still torments me at almost every turn I take. What can I do? My most heartfelt appreciation to any advice you guys can give. Thanks in advance. Patrick Link to post Share on other sites
Alphatau99 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Registered now =) Link to post Share on other sites
James8888 Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 OK, first off it sounds like she's too young for a commitment. She obviously can't make up her mind on what she wants. And, can you really ever think you could take her back and trust her? Trust is everything in a relationship. Without it you're going to be miserable. You are right now. You need to distance yourself from her for a while. Find a new girlfriend.....one that won't jump into bed with the next guy she finds attractive. When you move on from this you'll look back and feel a whole lot better. By the way you're not that old. You have a lot ahead of you and you deserve better. If later, you two can hook up and she has it together then great. But right now she's going to stop your heart as long as you let her. Normally, I'd say to a guy to keep having sex for the sex but don't get attached. I mean, this could be a really cool thing here....if you could handle it without the emotions. But it seems like you can't separate it and it just going to pull you down with her. She needs help or at least to grow up. You just need to move on. Sorry to be so blunt but I've been there. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 Ok, this is rough-- this is tough, no way around it. Have you tried seeing anyone else? Perhaps at least giving her the cold shoulder and not lettting her see hoe miserable you are? You won't have any piece until you can get away from her. As my mother once said, "the best way to get over someone is to have the help of another." It sounds to me like she's got the "Must have her cake and eat it too" syndrome-- and it looks to me like you know it. All my love to you, and I hope you find the relief that you need. Link to post Share on other sites
megnog Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 why do you keep having sex with her if you just want her to leave you alone? maybe she is just trying to play games with you and make you miserable but maybe its something else. maybe the sex is what is keeping her attached. i suggest breaking that off. infact, break off all contact with her or at least as much as you can. if she calls you everyday, don't pick up. she will eventually stop. now if that doesn't work... maybe you want to start seeing another girl. your rebound girl. some tricks to make her mad and perhaps leave you alone, you could record some girls voice on your voicemail saying like "you have reached pat's phone, leave a message after the beep!" something normal like that and then everytime she calls she will hear this girls voice and perhaps stop calling you and let you be. anyway good luck. i know this can be a hard time but she doesn't seem like she was as willing as you were to settle down. Link to post Share on other sites
megnog Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 keep us updated Link to post Share on other sites
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