Long distance, no contact, love her, talking, everything possible

[Guest]

Okay this may take a minute. I had posted here a few months back concerning this girl. To summarize that, I met her in GA. Almost three years ago, love at first sight (for both) Three whirlwind months later she moves to my house in FL. Three weeks after, tree falls on house, live in a hotel, apt., parents house for total of nine months before we could come home. Add in that she knew noone here, had no job for the first few months etc.. Stress was unreal. Animosity had happened. Fast forward - About two and a half years go by and through all of this bitter resentment caused by external stress factors (99.9999%) my fault, immature at handling the situation, "We" decided it was best to cut our losses and move her back home to SC. I drove the uhaul and everything. Got on a train, sadder than any movie ever made, and came home alone.

 

Needless to say I spent the next Approx three weeks realizing what a mistake I had let happen. At any moment I could have said no, we are going to make this work and she would have gladly stayed. Well I didn't. But after some serious thought I decided that I was going to devote myself to her and do everything I caould to prove my love and win her back. For the first month or so we still talked and finally she said she needed time and space so I no contact started. At this point I had made it crystal clear to her how I felt and that I wanted us to be together, I have a ring, she knows this and I am willing at the drop of a hat to sell my house and move to buy us "our" house in SC, where she wants to be. Fast forward. About three months after she left, I get a random text from some strange area code saying hi how are you? It was her. From that moment we started talking again. Everyday, be it Email, phone, text whatever.

 

I got alot of I miss yous and still love yous but I still need time. I say take as much as you need I'm still here. Things were going great for almost two months and I even got to go see her for a weekend. It was awkward (as we expected) but still great to see each other. Since the she has expressed interest in seeing me again, but this and next weekend included have fallen through for some reason or another. This weekend in particular she went out of town to visit friends, two of which are girls she went to college with and one guy who is one of the grls younger brother. This I do not have a good feeling about. Granted he lives over five hundred miles from her and I don't believe he is anywhere near to loving her and giving up his life to move and be with her as I am. Oh I should say that the last email I got from her on Thursday said I will come see you soon.

 

This came after I told her that if she really was planning on coming please tell me, if not, please don't even mention it. So, we'll see???? Any way I'm guessing she is still finding herself in her "new" hometown. She's living with and hanging out with a group of single friends and seems to be having the time of her life. She tells me just enough sweet, hopeful things that prevent me from giving up on her. I know, I know she 's just keeping me on the back burner, but I really don't care, if I end up with her all this torture is well worth it. Over the last week or so our conversations and communication has dwindled considerably. Granted we've talked about pretty much everything we can except where we are headed because that's "pressure" and she doesn't want that right now. So other thatn that it's hard to just have frien chat because we aren't anywhere near each other so our lives are totally different.

 

I've decided to dramatically drop back on contacting her, no calls, maybe an email once in a while to say hey, how are you. And see where that gets me. Please don't tell me to forget this girl and move on because right now, even though that may be the healthiest thing for me, I will wait until she says sorry not going to happen. We are both 30ish, so we aren't kids and I like to think we can handle this like adults. Although she seems to be partying a bit excessively, I feel that she is just trying to make sure I'm what she wants. Because we both know the minute I get the green light, I'm moving up there and we will be engaged shortly there after.

 

Not immediately, I wouldn't force it on her but as soon as she is ready it will happen, and yes I've told her this. Any thoughts any of you have, good or bad (to me) are very much appreciated. I love this woman with all of my heart and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make her life better everyday, even if that means not being in it. Remember she hasn't told me no yet, only give it time. Thank you for reading this.

[lindya]

Needless to say I spent the next Approx three weeks realizing what a mistake I had let happen. At any moment I could have said no, we are going to make this work and she would have gladly stayed. Well I didn't. But after some serious thought I decided that I was going to devote myself to her and do everything I caould to prove my love and win her back.

 

A successful relationship requires effort on both sides. Although the first paragraph of your post indicates that you feel you carry a lot of blame for things working out, you're not presenting any clear reasons as to why you would feel this way. What you described sounded more like difficult circumstances that related to her having problems settling into your environment. Possibly not an uncommon problem where a long distance relationship culminates in one person moving to the other person's territory.

 

She's living with and hanging out with a group of single friends and seems to be having the time of her life.

 

I would guess that she's regaining some of the confidence she lost at a time when she perhaps felt overly dependent on you...and that's not to suggest either of you were blameworthy for that situation, it's perhaps just a difficulty that the pair of you couldn't find a way of overcoming.

 

we both know the minute I get the green light, I'm moving up there and we will be engaged shortly there after.

 

Have the two of you identified clear reasons for why you didn't manage to work things out the first time around, and if so have you discussed ways of managing the relationship better next time? A blind desire on your part to make things work isn't enough. You require a plan - and one that you're both committed to. Your commitment and effort can never, on its own, be sufficient. She also needs to be certain about, and committed to, a future with you.

[InvisibleTouch]

Are you cool with her sleeping with other guy's?