Just got kicked out, Need support

[fatty]

Hey LS members.

 

Ok I need some major support. My dad just kicked me out of the house because I will not go into the family business. We are quite a upper middle class family and was invovled in the business. I only worked 2 days a week as I go to university full time.

 

I got another job which I like to do and want to do. I told him that and told him the family business is soemthing I dont want to do. He said I was extremely selfish and since I do not like the business I should not recieve the luxories of it. told me to leave.

 

Now if anyone is a parent here can they tell me what type of dad would do this?

 

Its not like I ****ed another girl braught her home. Got a girl pregnant. I just don't want to work in the family business.

 

I am soo hurt and cant stop crying, I am 22 yrs old and right now doing this from my freinds house. I need desperate emotional support for you guys. Please help if not I appreciate you reading this.

[johan]

What exactly does "kicked out" mean? Does that mean he has given you notice that you need to move out? Or does it mean that he showed you the door on the spot? Was it during a big fight or was it something he came and calmly told you about?

[Touche]

As a parent, I think that's a completely ridiculous reason. We as parents should support our kids in growing in to who they want to be. BUT..with that said, at your age you really shouldn't be living at home. I don't think it's natural OR healthy. You should be out on your own now. You should be mostly supporting yourself if not completely.

 

I suspect this is the REAL issue with your dad. I suspect that if you were out on your own and not living as an adult under his roof he wouldnt' really care WHO you decided to work for.

 

Do you think there's any merit to my theory on that? Has he ever brought that up? Are you helping out at home while they support you? If not, I can see where your dad is coming from.

 

My "parental" nose tells me that you're not giving us the full story here. So what gives?

[Green]

Look Im sure he's not giving us the full story. but what you should do is pertend your going to go into the family business when your done with University or tell him how much you respect him. If your 22 you should be olright this is a really sucky situation but you'll figure something out. Take a loan out from a bank if your still a college student or get a full time job and a room for rent some where cheap man. I feel you Ive been through simalar times its going to be ok start planning your next step. Im curriouse what is your next step? are you going to start looking for else where to stay or try to convince ur father to let you back in the house?

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Hi there!

 

I sense that you are not from the US. Perhaps it is the norm for the son to take over the family business, and your father is extremely disappointed by your refusal to do so?

 

I have a few questions for you, though:

1. Are you the only child?

2. If you don't take over the family business, can you think of who will?

3. Why don't you like taking over the family business?

 

It is not "right" for the parent to impose a career onto their children. However, taking over the family business can be an extremely tricky matter. And both you and your father could be "right" in a way.

 

I have several friends in your situation (and they are all in America.) One was pre-med and gave that up to take over the business. The other pursued her medical degree. Her father was extremely upset, but eventually, he came around. (He sold the family business.) She was living with her fiance at the time (around age 22 as well.) Well, her fiance dumped her for that.

 

The way I see it is this: if what you are choosing to do is not something ridiculous, then go for it. Your parents will come around. But as a 22 year old, you should probably be on your own anyway - if you are in the US.

[Art_Critic]

I think your dad is practicing tough love right now.

 

I went back and read a few threads of yours recently.. i noticed that you have a D average after 3 years in college..

 

I think your Dad had his feelings hurt because he was offering you a career and a job that can provide a future for you and you turned him down..

He was being a good father and looking out for you

 

Telling him that you want nothing to do with his business tells him he needs to cut the apron strings since you are ready to go into the real world..

 

If you don't want this to happen then you need to sit down with him and talk it out..

[Touche]

Look Im sure he's not giving us the full story. but what you should do is pertend your going to go into the family business when your done with University or tell him how much you respect him. If your 22 you should be olright this is a really sucky situation but you'll figure something out. Take a loan out from a bank if your still a college student or get a full time job and a room for rent some where cheap man. I feel you Ive been through simalar times its going to be ok start planning your next step. Im curriouse what is your next step? are you going to start looking for else where to stay or try to convince ur father to let you back in the house?

 

I don't agree that he should "pertend" like he's going into the family business. That would be dishonest and low. And what's this about "tell him how much you respect him." TELLING him isn't enough. It's phony. He needs to SHOW him.

 

Other than that, good advice.

[fatty]

Hey,

 

Excellent insight. I am not that bad in school I avg about 70%. I am getting my head in gear for university. I am at my adopted-brothers house. He said it is ok I stay here for a while.

 

I am in Toronto, Canada so it is quite similar to the US but the difference is of culture. I come from a south asian culture where parents take care of thier kids and thier kids are supposed to sacrifice everything for them.

 

The way I see it, I know I am 22 and for a while I have ben cutting myself from teh family business to become independent. Why should I have to do somethign I dont like. I bet if one you guys did, you would hate your life. The point bieng is that I want to take my life in charge and want to direct where I want to go.

 

I have been getting my life in order for quite sometime, going to the gym/therapist/study strategist etcc.. So for a while I have planned it in such a way that I should not have to rely on anyone.

 

as the story with my father he simply said "Since you do not want to be in teh busines, you should not get the luxuries of it so pack your things and leave"

 

It wasnt a huge fight, I am an extremely calm person. I do not fight. Everything was said calmly and was monotone. Nothing was thrown. I simply said you are right and left.

 

I understand that I should be on my own at the age of 22 as most of my freinds are. It is a south asian culture thing and I know now that this is my true test to be my own person.

 

From a prental view why should someone impose thier beleif on me? It is proper to guide but not to tell me what i want. I have my own head. As my therapist suggested "My parents will live and they will die.. I will be left in the end" The point is that when they die I am left alone to make my own decissions not them so I have to be independent now.

 

sorry for ranting on.

[Green]

good luck, all you need is a job that you make enough money to go to school and pay rent at some place you can stay as long as you want. Your on the right track just leaving like that. Do you feel a little better now?

[Touche]

Yes, I agree. You're on the right track now. Some of us have to be pushed out of the nest and others just fly away. This is the beginning of your life as an adult now. You can do whatever you like. I hope you make good choices and that you're happy.

[fatty]

Thank you guys soo much, I do feel alot better getting it out of my chest.

 

At first i was a bit shaky and crying but now I understand what I have to do and where I wanna go in life. I have to keep pushing on. I love you guys soo much.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

I was one of those who "flew away" before my parents released me. I chose my own life and my own career. My dad did not speak to me for 3 years (that was 10 years ago), but we are the best of friends now. He said to me that he's really proud of me for doing what I said I would do.

 

The trick is, you do have to accomplish what it is that you set out to accomplish, though. If I had failed in my studies and career, I think that my father would be laughing at me.

 

As for the friend who took up the family business and abandoned her dreams of becoming a doctor... I don't know how she is now.

[Touche]

Thank you guys soo much, I do feel alot better getting it out of my chest.

 

At first i was a bit shaky and crying but now I understand what I have to do and where I wanna go in life. I have to keep pushing on. I love you guys soo much.

 

Aww, that's sweet. You'll be ok, don't worry. We all feel a little scared and insecure when we first go out on our own but very soon thereafter you become excited at the prospect of being your own man (well woman in my case hee hee)

 

No reason to be upset. Be excited! Tell us how it's going in your new life ok?

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

Hello,

 

That really sucks that it had to go down like that, however I agree with the others- at 22, you should be GLAD to live out on your own. When I was 18, I went to college a couple hours away from home, and never moved back in with my parents, not even summers. It's so much better being out on your own, though it may not feel like it at first.

 

Before my parents got married, my mom was 20 and still living with her dad and step-mom. When she announced her engagement, they kicked her out of the house. He disowned her and wanted nothing to do with her. She temporarily moved in with my dad's parents until the wedding. This was back in 1978. For the past couple years, they've exchanged Christmas cards, but I've only met my biological grandfather once or twice. Just today, though, my mom emailed her dad because she found out through the grapevine he's getting married again, and she invited him over to their house. That's the first time in TWENTY EIGHT years.

Having said all that, I don't think your dad will hold out from you for 28 years. He's probably just very disappointed and shocked right now. Hopefully he'll come around and realize you have the right to be happy in life by choosing an occupation that suits you.

[fatty]

The only thing I am worried about is bieng succesful. I don't know if I will be. This is kind of liberating because I do not like what I am studying at school and was doing it cause of my parents. Doing and accounting degree. I am just worried about my future as in job and stuff. I do not want to end up in a dead end job I don't like that is my biggest fear.

 

How do you deal with uncertainty about hte future I sound like a big baby. FRig, I feel embarrased.

[Touche]

The only thing I am worried about is bieng succesful. I don't know if I will be. This is kind of liberating because I do not like what I am studying at school and was doing it cause of my parents. Doing and accounting degree. I am just worried about my future as in job and stuff. I do not want to end up in a dead end job I don't like that is my biggest fear.

 

How do you deal with uncertainty about hte future I sound like a big baby. FRig, I feel embarrased.

 

No, no, NO! Don't feel embarassed! Sheesh, who among us HASN'T been uncertain about our futures? Not too many, I'd venture to say.

 

Can you switch majors? Don't continue towards a degree that you have no interest in. Talk to your school counselor and switch if you can. Do you already know what direction you'd like to go in? If not maybe they can help with that. But do it soon..the sooner the better.

 

And you DON'T sound like a baby. You sound like a young man. Yes, you're young but you're a MAN now. You don't sound like a baby at all to me.

 

Heck, how many 30 something year olds still live at home and have no direction? More than you'd imagine. But you won't be one of those people because you're thinking of your future NOW.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

I believe in the personality/career test that they administer when you were in high school. Have you tried taking that sort of test and see what would fit your personality? Other than that, I'd say, go with your PASSION.

 

On another note, I really want you to think about what it is about taking over the family business that repulses you. Is it because you are tired of submitting to your father? If this is so, I really, really caution you from doing anything radical. Sometimes, parents know more than what you give them credit for. At the end of the day, they have your best interest at heart. Not your friends or even yourself. Do NOT fight them just for the sake of wanting to be heard. They will hear you when you can SHOW them what you can do - even in their own business! And if you fail, heck, not even "going your own path" will make you appear glorious.

 

Remember, they have your best interest at heart. The friend I told you about who pursued her medical degree... she's a very strong woman, indeed. She gave up inheriting a multi-million dollar business because she really believed in practicing medicine. Now, you. You don't seem to even know what it is that you want to do.....

[fatty]

Hey,

 

Here is the thing, it is a business. I have grown up with it in my life. I hate money and opputunistic people. That who my father is. He sells "livestrong" bands for $.50 and profits from them and gives no donation. It is a retail store, I hate retail store, my mind is not bieng capitalized. Its jsut a salesman which is not me.

 

The way I see it, if i am going to university I should utilize my skills and not be dead weight. My older brother is in the business and is doing it full time with my father. I have seen what he has done and goes through. My father is in control of all aspects of my brothers life as in when he comes and what he does to which girl he sees. I sound like a teenage brat but I need to lead my own life.

 

My father is a business man, he does nto trust anyone with anything. For example, If I buy myself a suit he will think I am stealing from the business and will yell at me and will want to know how I got that money.

 

I know you said I dont know what I want but at the same time its a learning curve everyday of my life. I am gonna finish this degree fo business to give myself a platform. After I get my degree I shall go onto other areas of my life.

[oh_what_am_I_doing]

You mentioned not wanting to end up in a dead end job- Well work is called "work" for a reason. Oftentimes it's not fun. If it were, we'd call it "play." I'm a teacher, and I do like my job, but it's still work. Every day when I wake up, I wish I could get back under the covers and stay home. I think that's normal.

 

Is it possible to get a masters in something else, after finishing your business degree?

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

The way I see it, if i am going to university I should utilize my skills and not be dead weight. My older brother is in the business and is doing it full time with my father. I have seen what he has done and goes through. My father is in control of all aspects of my brothers life as in when he comes and what he does to which girl he sees. I sound like a teenage brat but I need to lead my own life.

 

The idealism of the youth!!

 

I was once just like that. I was really repulsed by money and wealth. I would not tell anyone how much money my family has because I was ashamed!

 

Believe it or not, I do understand your plight.

 

I think it is really wonderful that you are taking the first step on your own. I did that when I was your age too. Something about having a college degree..

 

You know what? YOu can make it on your own. I did. With my college degree, I got a job and paid my own rent. And your parents will come around and respect you for your choices.

 

I do hope that one of your choices will be to get a post-graduate degree of some sort. A BS degree will not get you far - unless you have start-up money - which you don't.

 

And when you are living on your own, you will need to live within your means. That means no fancy clothing for a while!

 

Good luck!

[fatty]

Hey,

 

here is an update on my situation. So my mother had called and was extremely crying for me to come back. I worked out the financeso iw issue today inorder to be on my own and would no way in hell be able to afford it.

 

So i am gonna meet my mom and see what we could do. She wants me to come back to the house.

 

 

 

 

I will keep you guys updated.

[Touche]

Hey,

 

here is an update on my situation. So my mother had called and was extremely crying for me to come back. I worked out the financeso iw issue today inorder to be on my own and would no way in hell be able to afford it.

 

So i am gonna meet my mom and see what we could do. She wants me to come back to the house.

 

 

 

 

I will keep you guys updated.

 

Oh God, I HATE to advise this since I'm the mother of a son, BUT DON'T do it! BIG mistake. You're old enough now. You can get loans like many people do. It's NOT worth going back. Be your OWN man, will you? Your mother is not allowing you to grow up. I'm sure she's a wonderful, loving mother...BUT, she's not doing her job now.

 

I know you know what you need to do. So DO it, ok?