Never really had a complete relationship cycle..

[Guest]

Hello,

Well I have this strange problem here.. I was really shy and never really mustered the courage of "courting" a girl--as in going thru the process of approaching her, letting her know I'm into her, etc.. All throughout high school.. I never had a girlfriend.

 

For years it was like this. I remember being really depressed and staying home a lot--that was all I focused on. Then one day I started gettin into the whole internet thing, this was about 95 when it first came out.. and it felt like a blessing--like it became my own way of gettin my foot in the door.. I met this one girl after a long time just chatting and it was hell.. but I kept goin at it meeting more and more.. eventually I finally did start becoming more comfortable meeting these girls and it just took off..

 

So in the past ten years, I'd guess I met maybe 50 people online.. back when it was "uncool" to do it til this day when it's a common thing.. I had two serious relationships, and a handful of others..

 

So I guess my real problem now is that I still haven't really had a traditional relationship yet.. as in meeting her in real life.. going thru the whole process .. and I feel like I'm holding this dirty little secret.. I'm ashamed of it. Nobody knows, and it's not like I never had a relationship. But it's just that I feel as if every relationship I"ve had in the past ten years is invalid. LIke it doesn't count. I mean, out of those 50 or so I probably had some sort of romantic encounter with half of them.. yet I still feel like I haven't had one real relationship.

 

So my goal now is to forget about meeting people online anymore. I met the last one a few months ago and we were dating, but I had to let her go.. cuz I don't feel right about having my entire dating experience be via online.. But now I just don't know where to start. When I date online, I feel confident and, well, "normal".. But when I even think of dating in real life I feel this incredibly uncomfortable, bad bad feeling inside.. makes me just not want to even try.

 

It's the most awful feeling ever. It's hard cause I don't got any friends, so I can't go out with them or have them introduce me to their friends.. I'm just completely on my own. What it's come down to is having to meet people off the street.. random people, and that just doesn't work for me. I don't have a social circle to provide an environment of opportunities--and I'm not the type to join groups or be involved in things of that nature..

 

So I really don't know what to do. I keep hoping to meet new friends at work and maybe that could start something, but hasn't happened yet.

[norajane]

You need to turn off your computer and start getting involved in the rest of the world. Do you have hobbies, things you like to do? Then find a club and meet other people who like to do those same things.

 

Volunteering is also another way to meet people you might have things in common with - everything from volunteering at an animal shelter to painting fences at the zoo, to cleaning up playgrounds. Lots of nice people volunteer.

 

Start taking some classes in something that interests you. Do you like to write? Take a writing class. Photography? Guitar? Scuba diving? Try something new and make some friends.