KAPOW!!! The Blow Up

[a4a]

No my blow up doll did not explode or anything. Besides I have a patch repair kit. (roll of duct tape)

 

Big Blow Up happened Friday.

 

H promised to take me out for weeks on a fun date for the day. So of course Friday night I suspect he will again not fulfill his promise. Our date set for Sat. I know something will go wrong and just quietly wait for it.

 

Bingo. I was friggin' right.

 

I get a call around 7 pm on Friday night, he is on his way home. I hear his friend in the background (the guy he works with) say "tell her to be nice" (to him/the friend I guess?)

 

H gets home and announces he has to work on Sat :eek: :mad:

 

Well, the shyte hit the fan. More so because his friend/coworker/employer knew our plans for 2 weeks and was actually supposed to be there part of the day.

 

I gave the H a choice, go sleep at his friends house or choose to keep his promise to me.

 

Needless to say we had a wonderful time on Sat.

 

So I am waiting to hear if they end up in a friggin' fist fight today

More to this but damn I am fed up with this crap along with everyone else involved at this company. I think the guy he works with may have quit today.

 

Friggin mess for sure.

 

Refreshing the H's resume today.

[NTB]

No my blow up doll did not explode or anything

 

dang i was waiting to hear some crazy story about you sinking in the tub without your blow up doll.

[a4a]

well somewhere I do have pics of a group of us tubing in VA with blow up dolls.......

[NTB]

well somewhere I do have pics of a group of us tubing in VA with blow up dolls.......

 

thats something i'd like to see or do myself

[Art_Critic]

I gave the H a choice, go sleep at his friends house or choose to keep his promise to me.

 

 

Obviously he chose to spend the time with you..good for you.. But how does he feel about the ultimatum ? Giving ultimatums normally breeds resentment.. expect some down the line

[JackJack]

So is your husbands friend his boss? Do you think his friend purposly told your husband he had to work so he couldn't spend the day with you? Do you think, they didn't have to work, but just told you that so they could go hang out?

 

Bottom line, he had the date with you. Of course that was after the ultimatium. Its one thing if someone truly has to work, but its quite another if they don't but either choose to, or lie about it to get out of spending time with you.

 

Personally, if I gave my g/f an ultimatium, to either spend time with me or she could go to her friends house, if she chose to spend the day with me, I would feel like crap. Who would want someone to spend time with them, because they felt like they HAD to?

[amaysngrace]

Giving ultimatums normally breeds resentment.. expect some down the line

 

 

Too true.

 

I'm sure a4a has a Plan A and a Plan B if his resentment ever surfaces.

 

Don't cha?

[a4a]

Obviously he chose to spend the time with you..good for you.. But how does he feel about the ultimatum ? Giving ultimatums normally breeds resentment.. expect some down the line

 

Actually I did think about that and it was his choice. He did not want to work Sat, he was pissed about it. This day was for us not just for me. I think he enjoyed himself even more than I did.

 

I did not spring this on him. A promise becomes a lie IMHO if it goes unfulfilled. He is aware of the zero tolerance policy.

 

**Nice to see him confront the issue instead of being passive about it as usual.

Not worried and it was not an ultimatium.... you make choices in life. I presented a choice. He could have easily gone and drank beer and stayed at his friends house. Keep in mind I have nothing to bind him to me. No finances, no kids....... no threat. I simply tell him if you choose _____ you will have ______ reaction from me. Similar to if you choose to cheat on me I will leave you. His choice. Cheat or don't cheat.

 

In the end his choice was correct for him as well. The other guy showed up to work and guess what.... nobody worked... :lmao: We got a call at 7:45 from the employee that the boss/friend did not have the parts, and decided to not work Sat. :lmao:

 

H just drew a line in the sand to state my personal time is my personal time from this point on. He just needed to get the push to do so. This shyte has been going on forever. Including the H being told he is to ship off out of state for a week...... YEAH RIGHT! NOT! He is not owned by this company he never never said or agreed to work out of state. Actually point blank explained why not on a previous occassion. But damn near bent to it this round because of a sob story...... chaotic disorganization is not his problem or mine. I will not tolerate my life being turned upside down because his buddy has zero business sense and zero people skills.

 

You have to understand his buddy/owner maybe sees his kids 3 hours a week, but works out of his home office. Thinks all the guys should take these trips and hang at strip clubs. And allows his wife to throw paperwork at employees...... yep throws it. :lmao: It is a three ring circus and I nor the H will allow it into our life any longer. He really thinks his employees should be just like him.

 

My H is resentful as all hell about staying on this long.... he did say one of his biggest regrets was getting involved in this company. He did it as a favor and he knew better.

 

I do believe he is actually sitting his friend down and telling him to go get some therapy. The guy exploded Fri. morn. First time ever H actually lost his temper and got angry with him. I kinda expect to see the H soon....... I am not sure he will be working there much longer..... maybe hours.

 

His new job with the new company is supposed to start in Feb.

 

There is no need for ego or stubborness. There is no ultimatium..... there is reward or consquences for choices you make. Perhaps I am not one to be passive and I lay the cards on the table. I would not just hide my thoughts and throw it up in his face later.

 

See also if you continue to break a promise to a person, or lie..... you lose that persons trust. H now realizes this and made his choice.

[a4a]

So is your husbands friend his boss? Do you think his friend purposly told your husband he had to work so he couldn't spend the day with you? Do you think, they didn't have to work, but just told you that so they could go hang out?

 

Bottom line, he had the date with you. Of course that was after the ultimatium. Its one thing if someone truly has to work, but its quite another if they don't but either choose to, or lie about it to get out of spending time with you.

 

Personally, if I gave my g/f an ultimatium, to either spend time with me or she could go to her friends house, if she chose to spend the day with me, I would feel like crap. Who would want someone to spend time with them, because they felt like they HAD to?

 

LMAO I so love these secret conspiracies that pop up on LS. OH YEAH big plan to hit the titty bar! Don't tell the woman folk :lmao:

 

WTF......do real people actually experience such things in life? Wow I guess I have a weird ass relationship..... and always have had similar relationships where there is no need to lie about who goes where.

 

 

Jack we are not 18 year olds.

 

And the H did not want to work but pussied out on standing up for himself. His coworker got nailed the same way and agreed to only work until NOON. But the boss friend kept asking why? Coworker says "I got plans".... boss " like what?" Coworker "none of your business what I am doing but I will help you until Noon"

 

I told the H to grow some balls and choose to either stand up to me or his boss. He chose.

[tanbark813]

I don't think you did the wrong thing, a4a. I probably would have done the same thing if I were in your shoes. I hate it when people back out on set plans at the last minute. But come on now, it was an ultimatum. Calling it a "choice" is like calling a stripper a "Clothing Removal Engineer". You're not that dumb.

[JackJack]

LMAO I so love these secret conspiracies that pop up on LS. OH YEAH big plan to hit the titty bar! Don't tell the woman folk :lmao:

 

WTF......do real people actually experience such things in life? Wow I guess I have a weird ass relationship..... and always have had similar relationships where there is no need to lie about who goes where.

 

 

Jack we are not 18 year olds.

 

And the H did not want to work but pussied out on standing up for himself. His coworker got nailed the same way and agreed to only work until NOON. But the boss friend kept asking why? Coworker says "I got plans".... boss " like what?" Coworker "none of your business what I am doing but I will help you until Noon"

 

I told the H to grow some balls and choose to either stand up to me or his boss. He chose.

 

 

It was a just a question. Nothing was implied in it to be negative, because I was trying to understand a little better about the situation. But I see you take it that way. Which is actually not surprising. He spent the day with you, he made the right CHOICE. Carry on.

[a4a]

No it was not a do this and you get this sort of conversation.

 

It was a discussion about results of his choice, outcomes, and how I saw things, how he felt about going to work, and how angry I was that he did not deal with it before he ever left the office. Why wait to confront the issue if he knows he did not want to comply.

 

He called and said "something has to give and it will not be my marriage. I made a promise to my wife, and I will not let her down"

 

Actually I think his buddy is kinda pissed because we have a good R. The boss buddy told the coworker that he was so lucky to have such a good wife....... yet tries to separate them as well as he does us. Meddles with this last minute thing knowing for 2 weeks we had plans.

 

I have asked H to go hang with the buddy for beers with all of us, H does not want to hang with him any more. He says he is depressing and will not shut up about work.

 

What you men don't have enough balls to choose going to a buddies house for a beer? :lmao: Damn man ego. I guess my H is gay or something because he just does not fit into the manly ego persona that so represented here.

 

My goodness some men actually love their wives and want to spend time with them instead of their friends....... goodness, they must be gay! :lmao:

 

Anyway this is not about choosing between a friend and me, this is about choosing between work/money and personal life. H would have been working alone on a project on site...... not physically with his coworkers.

[blind_otter]

Good for you. I probably would have not said anything and just been pissy for a day or two but I think you did the right thing.

 

Ultimatums do suck, but he sort of put you in the position by not putting his foot down on his own when he was first asked to work on Sat. I'm thinking, anyways.

[Moose]

What you men don't have enough balls to choose going to a buddies house for a beer?

I would've gone in a heartbeat.

[amaysngrace]

 

Anyway this is not about choosing between a friend and me, this is about choosing between work/money and personal life.

 

I'm the same way. If I don't get to see my BF enough, I actually miss his company. And I'd be very let down if plans fell through, as has happened before.

 

If I'd been let down a lot lately and this happened to me, I would probably turn my disappointment into anger as well. Especially if he had a choice, which he did, or he wouldn't have gotten the day off afterall.

[Ripples]

Maybe it's just the way you put it, a4a. You seem very dominant in your relationship from what you write. Maybe that's not the case, but it comes across that way, at least to me.

[a4a]

Good for you. I probably would have not said anything and just been pissy for a day or two but I think you did the right thing.

 

Ultimatums do suck, but he sort of put you in the position by not putting his foot down on his own when he was first asked to work on Sat. I'm thinking, anyways.

 

Well he was not asked he was ordered...... so that kinda made him consider it as his new job is not lined up as of yet. The extra cash would have been good as well. But you look at the options, think about the outcomes and I swear if he would have gave into this last minute demand things would even get worse until he can leave this company.

 

like I told him I am so pissed right now you can just go sleep at his house, pack your **** and go you pussy! Yep called him a pussy..... then I calmed down. I have my moments.

 

Then we talked until 1 am about him not taking control of his own life and the need for him to make decisions and take action in a rational way immediatley. We talked about options to help his friend. H did thank me for helping him with this. Which shocked me.

 

His buddy is losing his freaking mind and getting worse by the day. He calls Sat while we are gone and wants to know if H is coming to work on Monday. :lmao:

 

WTF? They were friends, but H needs to either take him aside and help him or rid himself of him. He actually called twice.......knowing we were gone for the day.... weird messages...... desparate. Very angry and guilty and irrational..... temper tantrum then like almost crying without the tears and boo hoo crap apologies. The guy is all over the map and really needs some help. But it is like trying to deal with a wounded animal. My bet is nobody gets paid next week because his wife got angry at the employees not willing to stop their life to work on Sat.

 

I feel really bad for him, as he was a friend of mine as well.

[Art_Critic]

like I told him I am so pissed right now you can just go sleep at his house, pack your **** and go you pussy! Yep called him a pussy..... then I calmed down.

 

A4... while I agree with your situation about your husband and would've made a stand with my spouse as well if I was in your shoes.. I however would never have called my spouse a name like pussy.. that is not much different than calling your wife a biotch..

 

Name calling is a very destructive path to go down.. once those words are out they cannot be taken back.

 

I would think that if you continue to deal with him in that agressive of a manner than you are doing more harm than good to your marriage and I would suggest that you both are in need of marriage counseling..

 

Just my 2 pennies.. not looking for a fight but I think way to much of you A4 to not say something as name calling has always been my hot button and I understand the destructive nature of it

[a4a]

Maybe it's just the way you put it, a4a. You seem very dominant in your relationship from what you write. Maybe that's not the case, but it comes across that way, at least to me.

 

 

No I just don't hide things. I do lose my temper on occassion, but rarely.

 

But I expect to stay within the boundaries and limitations set by my H, fulfill the H's expectations and I expect the same or I simply point out that the boundary has or is starting to be violated.

 

I don't think "fine do this, and you will pay for it later" I state my dissatisfaction and look for options to remedy it. Ask the H for his input, why it is happening and try to get him to share his pov and try to get him to understand my pov. Honestly it is never his way or my way ..... it is our way.

 

Now from time to time I do get pissed....... and honestly my H says he at times needs the shock of that to get him to actually listen.

 

:lmao: But I bet many do take it that I run about shouting orders to him That would work for about 3 seconds with him.

[a4a]

A4... while I agree with your situation about your husband and would've made a stand with my spouse as well if I was in your shoes.. I however would never have called my spouse a name like pussy.. that is not much different than calling your wife a biotch..

 

Name calling is a very destructive path to go down.. once those words are out they cannot be taken back.

 

I would think that if you continue to deal with him in that agressive of a manner than you are doing more harm than good to your marriage and I would suggest that you both are in need of marriage counseling..

 

Just my 2 pennies.. not looking for a fight but I think way to much of you A4 to not say something as name calling has always been my hot button and I understand the destructive nature of it

 

You know I apologized for it for two days...... but we actually use that word often to describe a persons wimpishness. H kept telling me to stop apologizing because he was being a pussy about it. I was not apologizing for the use of the word but the fact that I did actually raise my voice.

 

I guess people use different words and have personal ideas of what they mean. Pussy to me and H = wimpy, afraid, fearful..... not like a real vagina.

 

I realize that some people would totally freak out if they heard our normal language..... (come on now he is from NJ) .... I think the F word is used more than any other word in the english language in our personal conversations. Of course not when speaking to outsiders. Example which I laughed at yesterday when he was blowing leaves and got mad and said " that f-ing wind was blowing right the f into my face and they f-ing leaves were blowing back, and I would move and the f-ing wind would change f-ing direction"

 

Now I laughed but at times it is too much for me as well..... so I just say " yeah wow that is too f-ing bad"

 

Pussy is not a nasty word. Now lazy, retard, stupid...... oh stupid would be awful, or something like that..... yeah highly offensive to both of us.

 

The worst word I can call my H is LIAR. Although I think retarded amoeba would have a similar affect.

[amaysngrace]

I realize that some people would totally freak out if they heard our normal language..... (come on now he is from NJ) .... I think the F word is used more than any other word in the english language in our personal conversations.

 

 

I gotta agree with a4a on this. Recently me and my BF had an argument. The resolution was:

 

HIM: "I think you were acting like an A**hole

 

ME: "I think YOU were acting like an A**hole

 

End of argument...

[a4a]

I gotta agree with a4a on this. Recently me and my BF had an argument. The resolution was:

 

HIM: "I think you were acting like an *********"

 

ME: "I think YOU were acting like an *********"

 

End of argument...

 

I think it may be a NJ thing because his NJ friends use the naughty words all the time. H does not use them unless he knows the person he is conversing with uses them as well....... but on occassion he slips up while shopping or something and will say " I cannot believe they want $ for this piece of plastic s**t!"......... I immediatley do the 'are there kids around 360 degree sweep'

 

give him the look and quietly say...... please watch your f-ing language.

[amaysngrace]

I think it is a NJ thing. Even my mom uses the bad words, of course not in mixed company. Yesterday she told me I was acting like an A** and to go the H*ll home!

[Touche]

Just my 2 pennies.. not looking for a fight but I think way to much of you A4 to not say something as name calling has always been my hot button and I understand the destructive nature of it

 

Really? Hmmmm, interesting.

 

Ok, carry on...

[Art_Critic]

[/b]

 

Really? Hmmmm, interesting.

 

Ok, carry on...

 

 

It isn't name calling if it is true.. it is mearly putting a label on the truth