KAPOW!!! The Blow Up

[a4a]

I think the term "pussy" would totally apply here.

 

Nothing like hiding behind the guest card, huh?

 

 

OMG so true...... you wussy wuss wuss. Get some balls! :lmao:

[Ladyjane14]

I have to admit, I only skimmed the thread... but I just don't understand why Moose and JackJack are catching this kind of grief for offering their opinions.

 

I've been married a long time too, and while my marriage isn't quite as traditional as the Mooses'... it's still fairly traditional.

 

There's just no way I'd have ever gotten all up in my husband's business when it comes to work. If he's got a job he feels he needs to do, I'm going to support him in that.... whether it be for money or for the sake of his own sense of personal responsibility. I expect the same.

 

While your husband might not find it emasculating or controlling, my husband most certainly would have. And so, too, would some of these good fellows who've offered their input.

 

I think the only way you can afford to blow off their opinions is if you are REALLY sure that your guy is cut from a different mold... or if you're really okay with risking the marriage in the long haul.

[tinktronik]

I have to admit, I only skimmed the thread... but I just don't understand why Moose and JackJack are catching this kind of grief for offering their opinions.

 

I've been married a long time too, and while my marriage isn't quite as traditional as the Mooses'... it's still fairly traditional.

 

There's just no way I'd have ever gotten all up in my husband's business when it comes to work. If he's got a job he feels he needs to do, I'm going to support him in that.... whether it be for money or for the sake of his own sense of personal responsibility. I expect the same.

 

While your husband might not find it emasculating or controlling, my husband most certainly would have. And so, too, would some of these good fellows who've offered their input.

 

I think the only way you can afford to blow off their opinions is if you are REALLY sure that your guy is cut from a different mold... or if you're really okay with risking the marriage in the long haul.

It's because this is not the first time Moose has stalked around on A4's post .It happens every post , every single post. As to you A4 , good job standing your ground.

[Moose]

It's because this is not the first time Moose has stalked around on A4's post .It happens every post , every single post. As to you A4 , good job standing your ground.

I post in 3 or 4 forums here. This forum is my forte' (19 years of marriage experience).

 

I post on a4a's threads because most of what she posts is shady, and not very conventional in the marriage sense.

 

Call it the way you see it, I call it damaging and unproductive.....so yes, I will stand up to it....

[Touche]

How is it "shady?" What's damaging and unproductive?

 

And although marriage might be a "convention" there is no ONE way for marriage to work. The dynamics between people make what works different for each couple. Do you see what I'm saying?

[a4a]

It's because this is not the first time Moose has stalked around on A4's post .It happens every post , every single post. As to you A4 , good job standing your ground.

 

It is constant attacks of a passive and aggressive manner from him ..... I am tired of it. I have now been spanked and probably banned.

 

I have asked him nicely mutiple times to refrain from harrassing me and I will not just turn a blind eye to his ...... well meaness and humiliation.

 

Ladyjane I guess you are married to a Moose type man ..... I am not. He does not get off on being the "man" of the house. Not at all. He dislikes those sort of men himself. He realizes this and I don't get up in his business. He askes me his opinion and it is OUR FUTURE NOT JUST HIS. My life is effected by his work as his is by mine. And if the shoe were on the other foot I would show him respect and he would indeed be taken into consideration with any decision involving my work that may effect him. That is how it works here..... it is a two way street..... not mine and his..... ours. Our time, our life..... our choices.

 

but I guess these guys don't get it and I need to go shoe shopping and get my nails done.

 

No offense to you LJ..... your advice is quite respected.

 

And Touche again you are right on the money! To each their own if it works for them.

[Moose]

It is constant attacks of a passive and aggressive manner from him

No it's not. They are my opinions and you're insulted by them, so you retaliate instead of letting them be.

I have now been spanked and probably banned.

No you haven't. Otherwise, this post wouldn't of made it here.

I have asked him nicely mutiple times to refrain from harrassing me and I will not just turn a blind eye to his ...... well meaness and humiliation.

It went from entertaining to harrassment? Where have I been mean to you in this thread? Where have I humilated you in this thread?

 

Like I've said, you do have a unique relationship compared to the norm out here in real life. And yes, I CAN speak from a professional point of view when I say that.

 

Everyone here in this community has the right to voice his/her opinion a4a.

 

BUT

 

Calling names like, "Ahab", and poking around at other members, making bets and saying things to the likes of my innocent, faithful wife blowing some other guy tend to get you in trouble around here.

 

If you would be more realistic, and not hop on the, "Comic Bus", and be serious about your threads, things would be different......just sayin'....

[Ladyjane14]

Ladyjane I guess you are married to a Moose type man ..... I am not. He does not get off on being the "man" of the house. Not at all. He dislikes those sort of men himself. He realizes this and I don't get up in his business. He askes me his opinion and it is OUR FUTURE NOT JUST HIS. My life is effected by his work as his is by mine. And if the shoe were on the other foot I would show him respect and he would indeed be taken into consideration with any decision involving my work that may effect him. That is how it works here..... it is a two way street..... not mine and his..... ours. Our time, our life..... our choices.

 

but I guess these guys don't get it and I need to go shoe shopping and get my nails done.

 

No offense to you LJ..... your advice is quite respected.

 

None taken, dear.

 

I'm just concerned for you sometimes. I don't know ANY guys in real life that don't have just a smidge of traditionalism in their inner self. Albeit, some of them stow it pretty well. Not saying that there aren't any out there. Just that I haven't personally met one.

 

Anyway, back twenty years ago... I might have said some of the same things you've said here. But these days, I think TIME brings out the inner person. My husband isn't a knuckle-dragging neanderthal. Far from it. He's just a guy who relies upon what he's been previously taught about family life and manhood.

 

Our marriage IS an equal partnership, but underlying it... there's also something that's hard for me to describe. It's not really about gender roles, but it IS about gender. What we are as man and woman. Our inherent flaws and strengths.

 

I can't really do it justice in description, but... it's there. And it can jump up and bite you on the butt if you don't keep a wary eye on it. That's all I'm saying.

[Touche]

I understand LJ. But take my marriage for example. (Yes, PLEASE take it! ) Ok, but seriously, I don't often publicly hold it up for scrutiny but I will now. Here's the part about "gender roles" that you may be speaking of:

 

My husband is the main breadwinner. I've worked for nine of the twelve years we've been together. I can never make close to what he does though. He has a graduate degree and I have a Bachelors degree. He's seven years older than I am. He's quite traditional in his values, as I am. And He wants to make love ALL the time. Pretty conventional as far as genders roles, right?

 

BUT, and here's where I will disagree with you.

 

"Our marriage IS an equal partnership, but underlying it... there's also something that's hard for me to describe. It's not really about gender roles, but it IS about gender. What we are as man and woman. Our inherent flaws and strengths."

 

And here's where I think our marriage has NOTHING to do with gender roles NOR with gender. You tell me where it is about THAT and not about just two people in a partnership?

 

I make MOST of the financial decisions. I decide where our money goes and how it's spent for the most part. H just happens to agree with it all. But I have to initiate almost all of our financial "moves."

 

I've had to be the one to "manage" things with the ex-wife. I've had to make peace with her and come to an understanding with her AGAINST my husband's wishes. I did not back down on that. I told him, "My way or NO way" on that. HIS way certainly wasn't working. I didn't want to have a marriage where I had to have constant strife with the ex-wife.

 

But do you not think my husband and I have broken "conventions"? Have we not broken the conventional mold?

 

When I was working full-time guess who did all the cleaning and laundry? HE did. I grocery shopped and was responsible for the cooking. We took turns taking care of our son.

 

I don't see anything here about "gender" really. Can you honestly say that you do?

 

We've always just had to do what we had to do. We've been equal partners for 12 years.

 

EVERY marriage works differently. I wish some people wouldn't be so judgemental and would realize this.

[Moose]

How is it "shady?" What's damaging and unproductive?

 

And although marriage might be a "convention" there is no ONE way for marriage to work. The dynamics between people make what works different for each couple. Do you see what I'm saying?

"Shady", as in:

I gave the H a choice, go sleep at his friends house or choose to keep his promise to me.

Seriously.....I would argue that this ultimatum would upset even the most balanced of relationships.

 

The only comment I made was, "I would've gone for the beer in hearbeat", or something like that, because I REALLY would've if Mrs. Moose said something like that to me.

Needless to say we had a wonderful time on Sat.

Notice that this thread isn't about the wonderful time they had on Sat., but more about:

So I am waiting to hear if they end up in a friggin' fist fight today

Which belongs in a TOTALLY different forum than this, perhaps the business and professional section......that's beside the point....

 

It goes on to where other members started asking questions about the, "marriage / work", relationship trying to follow in spirit with her thread, only to be met with:

we are not 18 year olds., I told the H to grow some balls and choose to either stand up to me or his boss. He chose., like I told him I am so pissed right now you can just go sleep at his house, pack your **** and go you pussy! Yep called him a pussy.....

Other members, newbies or no, wouldn't benefit, (IMO), from these tactics.

 

BUT, it's only my POINT OF VIEW.....WHICH I"M ALLOWED TO HAVE!!!

[Touche]

Who said you weren't?

[Ladyjane14]

I make MOST of the financial decisions. I decide where our money goes and how it's spent for the most part. H just happens to agree with it all. But I have to initiate almost all of our financial "moves."

 

I make most of the financial decisions too... truth by told, I make MOST of the decisions period. Kids, house, interstate moves... you name it. But even so, we must come to an agreement on any big decision we make.

 

Still, I'm a woman, and my brain works the way a woman's brain is hard-wired. My man of course, is working with.... gasp... a MAN BRAIN!!!

 

Men are men. Women are women. Birds are birds. Fish are fish. We all do what nature tells us to do.

 

IME, men are both more and less sensitive than we women give them credit for being. (And sometimes this sensitivity is increased by feeling powerless in their environment. It represents a loss of control.)

 

I have to say... I absolutely LOVE some aspects of 'the traditional man'. He's taught from birth to treat a woman with deference, to protect and serve any who are weaker than he is. And he strives to uphold his values.

 

Sure, there's a price tag with that. But depending on the man... it's quite a bargain.

[Touche]

LJ, I must say that there's not a single thing I disagree with you about on that last post. So what is the problem, as far as you're concerned with A4A's marriage?

 

Am I missing something?

 

You say you love some aspect of the "traditional man". What makes you think A4A doesn't enjoy that very same thing though? And what if it's not to her liking to enjoy the "traditional man" role?

 

I mean all women are different. Does it mean that if a woman doesn't enjoy the "tradional man's" role that her marriage is doomed?

 

"Obviously, A4A's husband doesn't enjoy the traditional WOMAN'S role! Does A4A strike you as a woman who enjoys the "traditional woman's" role? Of course not!

 

You say:

 

"I have to say... I absolutely LOVE some aspects of 'the traditional man'. He's taught from birth to treat a woman with deference, to protect and serve any who are weaker than he is. And he strives to uphold his values."

 

Maybe, A4A doesn't think of herself as "weaker" than her mate. Maybe she doesn't WANT a man to protect and serve her all the time.

 

And would you know whether he "strives to uphold his values" or whether he doesn't? Do you know him? Do you know THEM?

[Ladyjane14]

LJ, I must say that there's not a single thing I disagree with you about on that last post. So what is the problem, as far as you're concerned with A4A's marriage?

 

Maybe it'll turn out that she does indeed have a rare specimen, and hopefully, it'll all work out nicely for her.

 

Of course... I don't know her or her husband. All I have to work with is my own experience and a generalized study of men. But I don't personally know a single man that wouldn't have had an objection to the ultimatum a4a gave her husband.

 

I know quite a few who'd have capitulated... and I know quite a few who wouldn't have. Of the ones who would, to a man... they'd have harbored resentment for 'being told what to do' and each would've felt like the p*ssy he was accused of being at the outset for doing it.

 

Beware. That's all I'm saying.

 

 

Maybe, A4A doesn't think of herself as "weaker" than her mate. Maybe she doesn't WANT a man to protect and serve her all the time.

 

I think of men and women working together kind of like jigsaw pieces. There are strengths and weaknesses in each, but where one is weak the other is strong.

 

Let's face it, how many men do you know that when faced with childbirth or menstruation wouldn't have give up the ghost? Geez... if my husband had to have a monthly period, he'd have died in a mournful puddle by age 13.

 

Still, I think it's innately important for a man to feel like he's capable of protecting his family, and to feel like he's 'in charge' of the chaos which surrounds him in order to feel confident in his abilities. My personal belief is that alot of that is leftover genetic coding, and maybe the "traditional man" is more susceptible to it than some of his counterparts.

[Moose]

Beware. That's all I'm saying.

I'm sooooo humbled by your abilities LJ!!!

[Ladyjane14]

Mad platonic love Moose.

[Touche]

Get a room you two!

 

(Would your "traditional" spouses approve of this mutual love? )

[Moose]

Get a room you two!

 

(Would your "traditional" spouses approve of this mutual love? )

UMMMM, "yeah", they "totally" would.......

[Touche]

UMMMM, "yeah", they "totally" would.......

 

So your wife, Moose wouldn't mind that you're flirting on line with LJ? Oh really?

[Ladyjane14]

So your wife, Moose wouldn't mind that you're flirting on line with LJ? Oh really?

 

She used to post every now and then. FABULOUS "Uma" avatar... very hot!

[Moose]

So your wife, Moose wouldn't mind that you're flirting on line with LJ? Oh really?

Key word in LJ's post = "platonic"

[Touche]

She used to post every now and then. FABULOUS "Uma" avatar... very hot!

 

Oh, REALLY? How interesting!

 

Yes, I get you Moose...it's all "platonic". You think that definition is the same to HER as it is to YOU?

[Moose]

Oh, REALLY? How interesting!

 

Yes, I get you Moose...it's all "platonic". You think that definition is the same to HER as it is to YOU?

K, this is how threads go off topic people!!

 

Yes, I do think that's what she, (LJ), meant. And yes, Uma, ummm errr, I mean, Mrs. Moose wouldn't have an issue with this either....

[Touche]

K, this is how threads go off topic people!!

 

Yes, I do think that's what she, (LJ), meant. And yes, Uma, ummm errr, I mean, Mrs. Moose wouldn't have an issue with this either....

 

Ok, great Moose! I'm happy for you both.

 

Are we off topic?

[Loveslacker]

Ok, great Moose! I'm happy for you both.

 

Are we off topic?

Holy crap! Is that your picture? You're quite attractive!