How do I do it

[Rob]

Here is the problem I am facing. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5.5 years. About a month ago she started a relationship with her ex-boyfriend. They went out once to a park, but continue emailing him, as if they were couples and stuff.

 

He would call her as if it was me and she would do and talk to him as if they were boyfriend/girlfriend and they talked as if they have been together for at least 3 years. They have only been seeing each other once, so she claims, and talking on the phone close to a month.

 

She never told me the way she was feeling and she said that she was going to tell me. Right. What hurts me the most is the fact that she did it behind my back. Now I don't trust her, and everything she says to me, seems that she also tells him, maybe I am over-reacting, but I don't know how to begin letting go of this mistrust I have for her.

 

I love her and I know I can't leave without her, and so does she. But she fell down, and let me down, and I don't know how to recover from it. What do I do to start trusting her, or at least what would be your advice, as to how to approach this situation. I don't want to make a big trouble in the healing process, but this is bothering me, and definetly she is not the one I can trust right now.

 

Any input? I really need to hear what you as a reader think about this situation. Please reply or email me with a response.

 

thanks

 

RR

[LoveAngel]

Here is the problem I am facing. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5.5 years. About a month ago she started a relationship with her ex-boyfriend. They went out once to a park, but continue emailing him, as if they were couples and stuff. He would call her as if it was me and she would do and talk to him as if they were boyfriend/girlfriend and they talked as if they have been together for at least 3 years. They have only been seeing each other once, so she claims, and talking on the phone close to a month. She never told me the way she was feeling and she said that she was going to tell me. Right. What hurts me the most is the fact that she did it behind my back. Now I don't trust her, and everything she says to me, seems that she also tells him, maybe I am over-reacting, but I don't know how to begin letting go of this mistrust I have for her. I love her and I know I can't leave without her, and so does she. But she fell down, and let me down, and I don't know how to recover from it. What do I do to start trusting her, or at least what would be your advice, as to how to approach this situation. I don't want to make a big trouble in the healing process, but this is bothering me, and definetly she is not the one I can trust right now.

Rob,

 

It's very understandable why you're so concerned over the reemergence of this former relationship between your girlfriend and her ex. It's a rather touchy subject -- one that must be handled with a great deal of care. There are a few points to consider:

 

First of all, at the present time your relationship with this girl is "boyfriend/girlfriend," at least by what you call yourselves, if not in other ways. Under those roles, you should be able to communicate with one another. I don't understand what you mean when you say that you ask her what her feelings are and that she says she'll tell you. Does that mean that she's going to tell you in the future? If so, I'd really consider this relationship. If that is the case, tell her that you need to know now. There's really no justifiable reason for her to keep you in the dark while remaining in communication with this ex-boyfriend of hers. What is she waiting for, unless she's afraid of what your reaction may be when she tells you. You need to have a serious discussion with her about where you both feel your relationship stands.

 

Secondly, this may be strictly a friendship with another guy and there aren't any problems with that at all. It all depends on your perception of the situation. Right now I'm only seeing this through the eyes of "Rob," and in any situation involving more than one person, there are usually multiple sides to the story. What do you define as acting as a boyfriend to her? What do you feel that role entails? Is he having a physical relationship with her or by talking to her is he intruding on "your position" in her life? How do you feel he's acting like you? You've got to explain this situation a bit more.

 

In any case, you should tell her how you feel and listen to her thoughts. If she's not willing to share her feelings with you even after you express how it bothers you, then I think you should consider exactly what your relationship is comprised of. Best wishes to you.

 

Yours,

 

LoveAngel