Holly Posted November 2, 1999 Share Posted November 2, 1999 Hello, Sometimes my boyfriend says hurtful things to me. I am not sure he is trying to hurt my feelings or if it is uninintentional. It is mostly in the form of being frustrated with me and snapping at me with a mean comment. Is this unusual or am I just being sensitive. One example of this is saying, "Sometimes you just don't think!" Am I just overreacting? It happens about once or twice a week but I am scared as time progresses that it will become more often. Should I sit down and talk with him about this? Thanks!!! Holly Link to post Share on other sites
Cici Posted November 3, 1999 Share Posted November 3, 1999 Holly, Sometimes our partners react defensively or anggrily because they are insecure about themnselves. Sometimes they react in hurtful ways because they actually have abusive tendencies. Reagrdless of whatever the reason, if the comments are hurtful to you, it is important that you sit down and talk with him about what he's saying and why he's making you feel bad. It's not healthy to be baraged by hurtful comments that seems sometimes to be designed to tear down your self-esteem. A relationship is about challenging one another, yes, but it's also about support and building each other up and feeling fulfilled, happy and comfortable in the place you are at emotionally. If he says hurtful things to you that make you feel bad, you are not in a happy place. First of all, discuss his reactions to you and your feelings about those reactions with him. If he continues to react defensively, you may want to rethink the level of your involvement and'or seek couples counseling. Good luck. C Hello, Sometimes my boyfriend says hurtful things to me. I am not sure he is trying to hurt my feelings or if it is uninintentional. It is mostly in the form of being frustrated with me and snapping at me with a mean comment. Is this unusual or am I just being sensitive. One example of this is saying, "Sometimes you just don't think!" Am I just overreacting? It happens about once or twice a week but I am scared as time progresses that it will become more often. Should I sit down and talk with him about this? Thanks!!! Holly Link to post Share on other sites
Holly Posted November 4, 1999 Share Posted November 4, 1999 Hello, Thanks for the advice, Cici! I sat down with him last night and we talked. He acknowledged that he has a temper and does occasionally snap at me and that he needs to work on it. He apologized for acting this way and we came up with a code word, "Jerk," that I should say when/if this happens again. I am hopeful about this because he realizes what he has been doing. Thanks so much for your advice, I think otherwise I may not have addressed this with him. Holly, Sometimes our partners react defensively or anggrily because they are insecure about themnselves. Sometimes they react in hurtful ways because they actually have abusive tendencies. Reagrdless of whatever the reason, if the comments are hurtful to you, it is important that you sit down and talk with him about what he's saying and why he's making you feel bad. It's not healthy to be baraged by hurtful comments that seems sometimes to be designed to tear down your self-esteem. A relationship is about challenging one another, yes, but it's also about support and building each other up and feeling fulfilled, happy and comfortable in the place you are at emotionally. If he says hurtful things to you that make you feel bad, you are not in a happy place. First of all, discuss his reactions to you and your feelings about those reactions with him. If he continues to react defensively, you may want to rethink the level of your involvement and'or seek couples counseling. Good luck. C Link to post Share on other sites
CARRIE Posted November 6, 1999 Share Posted November 6, 1999 Hello, Sometimes my boyfriend says hurtful things to me. I am not sure he is trying to hurt my feelings or if it is uninintentional. It is mostly in the form of being frustrated with me and snapping at me with a mean comment. Is this unusual or am I just being sensitive. One example of this is saying, "Sometimes you just don't think!" Am I just overreacting? It happens about once or twice a week but I am scared as time progresses that it will become more often. Should I sit down and talk with him about this? Thanks!!! Holly Holly, it will only get worse!!!! It will escalate!! He is what one refers to as an invalidator. Don't let this continue or you will be miserable. Link to post Share on other sites
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