Never get over...

[Karen]

Hey everyone,

 

i need some good advice. a little over a year ago i fell in love with my best guy friend. we ended up starting to date, and promised that no matter what happened between us we would always be best friends. needless to say, after being together for almost a year, he broke up with me. it was too hard for me to be friends with him, seeing him move on from me, even though we tried very hard to be best friends. so then i felt like he started to replace me. he started to call me less and less, and found a new girl best friend who i felt took my place. so i found solace in my friends, and my family, and not having contact with him. but thats the last thing i wanted!! i didnt ever want to not want to be friends with him, our friendship was unlike any i had ever had before! so now, its been so long, and every time i make an attempt at getting back that friendship, he ends up hurting me! then i end up realizing that i am still in love with him and am hoping for more...right now,i hvae come to the point where i realize how much he has moved on:he has had two sexual relationships with people since ours, and our relationship never reached the point of sex. my problem is this: i just realized once again that it is too hard for me to keep fighting for this friendship when i dont feel any pull on his side, and when he is going to get together with the girl best friend that had replaced me just like i thought. however, i know, in my heart, that is is possible to get that friendship back somehow...my worry is this...i know what ineed from him is some complete separation to get myself back and some self confidence..but what i am afraid of is, that if i give us that space, that after that we wont be best friends ever again..i know i should find solace in that if we are meant to be best friends it will happen again..but how do i feel better about myself and my choice, when i want soo badly to be able to tell him everthing that is going on in my head, and to be able to hug him? i want so badly to be able to hear everything about his life, and i dont know how i will ever get to that point. i do not to this day think that i imagined the true friendship that we had, and iw ant to get that back. do i dare say something to him about it? i have mentioned things before, and he has said he is sorry for not pursuing our friendship, but yet there is no change in it..i dont want to feel used anymore...cause when we became best friends he was new to the area and i was one of the few people to give him friendship....then he found new friends and ditched me...if there is any advice or questions on any of this please let me know, there is probably a lot more i am leaving out....do you think it will ever be possible for us to be best friends again?? do you think it is wishful thinking?

[Kate]

Hi,

 

I am in a similar situation. At first we both agreed to remain best friends, but the more we tried to talk to each other, the further apart we have drifted.

 

But...[yes there is a but] there are people out there that can retain that friendship. So, I guess it really depends on the person.

 

As for now, give yourself a month or so to think over things. I noticed that my friendship with my ex deterioated because the two of us never had time to calm down . I know it's hard, especially he has been a best friend.

 

I hope it helps, you can email me if you want me to clarify further.

 

Best of luck,

 

Kate

Hey everyone, i need some good advice. a little over a year ago i fell in love with my best guy friend. we ended up starting to date, and promised that no matter what happened between us we would always be best friends. needless to say, after being together for almost a year, he broke up with me. it was too hard for me to be friends with him, seeing him move on from me, even though we tried very hard to be best friends. so then i felt like he started to replace me. he started to call me less and less, and found a new girl best friend who i felt took my place. so i found solace in my friends, and my family, and not having contact with him. but thats the last thing i wanted!! i didnt ever want to not want to be friends with him, our friendship was unlike any i had ever had before! so now, its been so long, and every time i make an attempt at getting back that friendship, he ends up hurting me! then i end up realizing that i am still in love with him and am hoping for more...right now,i hvae come to the point where i realize how much he has moved on:he has had two sexual relationships with people since ours, and our relationship never reached the point of sex. my problem is this: i just realized once again that it is too hard for me to keep fighting for this friendship when i dont feel any pull on his side, and when he is going to get together with the girl best friend that had replaced me just like i thought. however, i know, in my heart, that is is possible to get that friendship back somehow...my worry is this...i know what ineed from him is some complete separation to get myself back and some self confidence..but what i am afraid of is, that if i give us that space, that after that we wont be best friends ever again..i know i should find solace in that if we are meant to be best friends it will happen again..but how do i feel better about myself and my choice, when i want soo badly to be able to tell him everthing that is going on in my head, and to be able to hug him? i want so badly to be able to hear everything about his life, and i dont know how i will ever get to that point. i do not to this day think that i imagined the true friendship that we had, and iw ant to get that back. do i dare say something to him about it? i have mentioned things before, and he has said he is sorry for not pursuing our friendship, but yet there is no change in it..i dont want to feel used anymore...cause when we became best friends he was new to the area and i was one of the few people to give him friendship....then he found new friends and ditched me...if there is any advice or questions on any of this please let me know, there is probably a lot more i am leaving out....do you think it will ever be possible for us to be best friends again?? do you think it is wishful thinking?