My wife left me...

[MNo]

Hello,

 

First, sorry for my bad English. I know I can’t write everything so I will be a short as I can

Here is my story. (28 years old both) We have been dating for happy 8 years and been married for 7 months. Had some issues, nothing special. We both have good jobs, hers very stressful and demanding (broker). She found it hard to get used to our life in two. She was living with her parents before and she found it hard to be separated from them, although we are in the same city, and could see them whenever she wanted. Problems came after first month, she cried, said she misses her parents and that she can’t get used to our life together. Then she said I am too passive, that I don’t want to do or go anywhere. We did but not as much maybe as she wanted. Lot of things happened to me lately changing jobs, finishing my education, marriage and I sad I need some time to settle, I need some time to be passive. She couldn’t understand that, complained that I am uninterested which is not true. She couldn’t be at our house at weekends, saying she needs to get out. My response was why do we have to go somewhere to be happy, important is with whom you are. I felt the tension but I thought she just needs time to get used to new life so I didn’t push her or demanded or made any kind of restrictions. I helped as much as I could in the house, dishes, meals, vacuuming like every good husband. I don’t drink, gamble, go out late or look other women. I think of my self as a very positive person.

We had fights nothing nasty just usual fights. She would see something as a big problem and to me that was not problem at all. We were not unhappy and in my opinion we were in the faze of getting used to each other living together.

10 days ago she was on business trip and came home happy, bought me, my mother and sister some presents. Talked about the trip. In the mean time I have broken a leg and was attached to house. Four days passed and again there was tension between us. At the weekend she went with her sister on 2 day holiday. She came tired I was little angry she left me at home alone with broken leg. Tomorrow (Sunday) as I woke up I heard her coming in the house. She came to me said to sit down and said: “I am leaving you, I am so unhappy, we are not for each other, I don’t love you. I was at my parents house and I am going back to them.”.

I couldn’t believe it, stared at her wanted to wake up. I was telling he that she cant just like that and without any clear reason decide to go, you are making a mistake, you decided to fast. I wanted her to stay to try to work it out but I just came to the wall. We are not for each other she said. I responded, 8 years we were dating and we are for each other just need to adapt to life together. I cried like never before. At the end I asked is there something else or someone else she said no. Anything I said she didn’t hear and she just went. Came 2 hours later for her things and said by.

To make something clear, I don’t believe that she just stopped loving me. I love her and I cant understand why she did this. We had everything, each other, house, jobs, no real problems in life. And she left me so brutally like I was bitting her or having an affair. My friends say it was very selfish from her to leave me like that with no real reason. We don’t know each other from yesterday but for 8 years so it can’t be we are not for each other.

 

Help me to understand and what to do….

[debs]

My heart goes out to you....this will be a rough road for you!

 

Ufortunate for you she probably became accustomed to your 8 years together and sad enough in the end she DID realise she truly wasn't in love with you.

 

I can speak from my heart MNo. In March of 2000 I left my hubby of 9 years because I woke up months before and could not even stand the man. I was NOT in love with him and I should have never married him in the first place!

 

I wish to the dear lord I could have "worked' it out but unfortunatley he just was NOT the one! I did feel all the red flags but talked myself in to marrying him 9 years before. He was good to me, treated me very well almost to the point of ad nauseatem! My grown daughter admitted recently she never liked the guy. She was 12 going on 13. Rough age when a parent is dating!

 

Hindsight?! I wish! But I can tell you this from experience, If it doesn't "feel" right in my gut, it never is right! I always NOW, heed my gut and "red flags"!

 

I know right now you DO NOT want to hear this because you want a tangiable reason; It does get better. You will live through this! And you will come to see things much more clearly once the shock is over and you experience all the feelings that go along with the death of a relationship and being rejected.

 

If it is ANY consolation, He did get back at me but indirectly. I met a guy from Hawaii while vacationing there, married him 3 years later only for him to tell me 6 weeks later he was leaving to "GROW" up? Actually it was to raise a new girlfirned who was 20 yrs old!

 

So you see....I feel I learned a very valuable lesson. But to this day I have NO regrets in my decision on leaving Big guy even in view it nearly killed him. I was NOT the right person for him nor was he the right peron for me!

[dropdeadlegs]

I really wish I had advice for you but I don't. I can only offer sympathy.

 

Your post has me feeling your pain and I am so sorry that you are feeling so badly. Love is great, but it can be so very painful when not returned in the same way.

 

I just know that you will find love again, whwther it be with her or another. 8 years IS a long time, but please don't forget that you still have a lifetime to come.

 

May peace find you.

[anna13]

do you have any children ? if not then it will be easier then it would be if you did have. people who just "drop" their spouse with hardly a tear in their eye and walk away for no aparant reason and no explanation really other then you are not right for each other is pretty cold. but as I have learned reading the posts here , people can be cruel and cold. i dont believe anyone can just stop loving someone just like that especially after so many years. this may be difficult for you to do but i think you should just act like you dont care at all that she left now . even though you were emotional when she left , just from now on dont answer calls from her , you dont have to answer her quetions or anything. just think of it as giving things time to settle. maybe she will miss you . I know it is hard when you are the one that is left . I know because my Husband left me a few months ago . and he was really cold hearted to me too. we are working on things slowly but i had to give him space. just basically i didnt call him or anything just waited for him to call me and made sure he didnt know i was waiting for his call. this gives them time to miss you . for now you have to move forward like she is never coming back.just give her time to miss you , and if she doesnt she wasnt worth it anyway . hang in there.

[MNo]

Thank you for you advices. You all helped me to calm down. Lot of things are going trough my mind. First I truly believe she does (did) love me. Second, I do think she will regret what she did. To leave everything like that, the way she did, like she truly don’t care at all with no apparent reason, doesn’t make much sense to me. Only thing I can think of is moment of “madness”. Maybe I am just finding an excuse for her. I cant understand that after 8 years of love and understanding, and our short “unhappy” life together you can just like that leave someone without opportunity to make things better. I cant understand that, I probably never will, and if and when she makes contact with me and we get together that is the first thing I would ask her to explain me.

[debs]

MNo please remember you may NEVER get closure from your wife in this matter. But you will have to find the answers within yourself.

 

Believe me when I tell you this. No one ever plans on treating another human being in this manner. It happens and when it does it may not be the ideal way to handle the ending. Unfortunatley the recepiant of the "BAD" news due to rejection is the one who feels the pain more intensly but the "bearer" of the bad news does hurt for the pain they cause!

 

Even when break-ups are done amically and in the best interest of all parties it still hurts.

 

Be kind to yourself and know we are here for you!

[FlyingHigh]

MNo,

 

For your wife to have taken off the way she did with not much explanation other than she "misses" her parents was nothing more than a smoke screen of some hidden truth. You will eventually find out one way or another. But don't count on her telling you truth. Her job as a "broker" gives some hint to her "new" found self. Is her job a good cause for growth? It can be and it usually is.

 

Consider her leaving you a blessing in disguise. Use this experience to grow yourself.

 

As far as finding your own closure, regain control and move on. Her taking off as she did, as immature as it was, consider it a closure. Could you trust her again to not run off IF she were to return? Probably not. Could you count on her as a married partner to face whatever crisis may come? Probably not.

 

Be thankful, that she left especially since it appears you two don't have any children. Just imagine if you had a child?

 

Life is a boomerang. What she did in this marriage will be her cross to bear. It will be her a life lesson she'll have to learn. One day, it will come back to her. It always does. She just doesn't know it yet. And like many, she may never learn from it.

 

Selfish as her action was, most people who is only concerned with themselves never consider their actions as selfish at first. Level or lack of maturity plays a role in their perception of themselves.

 

Consider this marriage your own life lesson as well. For every crisis tossed our way, there is always a lesson behind it. Once you figure that out, you'll become a better person because of it. And you will have much more to offer.

 

Accept that all relationships don't last a life time. Some last a few/several weeks and months. Some lasts few or several years. Then there are relationships that DO last a lifetime. Yours, mine and others were not meant to last a lifetime. But take the experience from this marriage as a lesson and grow from it.

 

Things do get better. Jut keep yourself busy. You can't control her. But you can control what your next step will be.

 

Good luck.

[littlekitty]

So for 8 years of dating, you both lived with your parents?

 

You didn't live together at any point before you married?

 

Did she live alone at all (I mean not at her parents, but independently)?

 

Perhaps she didn't realise what living away from her parents, and also with a partner would be like. I would always suggest someone have a certain level of independance (live alone for a while) before moving in with a partner.

 

It does also take time to adjust to living with a partner. It took perhaps 6 months for my partner and I to fully adjust to each other. I had lived alone for 8 years prior to this.

 

It could simply have been a massive shock to go from living with parents to living with a partner, especially with no idea of what living away from home is like?

[hopeto]

DRUGS!!!!!! I am here to tell you I am in a marrage that has lasted 18 years. well, married 15 and dated for 3. I am in your shoes right now........there is nothing no one can say, no one can do, no one has the way of taking the pain away. you will feel it and it is something I choose not to ever do again. bad thing is I have a 5yr old little girl. what I suggest to you is to go to your family doc, tell them what is going on and that you need something to calm your nerves.

 

I am on prozac and zanax. I do not take the zanax unless I am at a point that the hurt is so bad I cant stand it cause this is a drug to get addicted to.(that is the last thing you need) but I will tell you after a week of the prozac I am doing ok. before it was so bleak I saw no light at the end of the tunnel and I felt like I was in a bottomless well with brick walls no light no room to uren around and no rope to pull me out. first week was horrible,horrible and that a million times over. then the second week is when I started the meds and the second week was alot of crying thne the meds kicked in. in the third week I have gone to a counslor in which was a huge step for me. HUGE!!! so here I am and I am still breathing, it is not easy at all but you have to get it together.

 

dont feel like just because you are a man you dont need anything to help you through this. I did not mean that mean in anyway. just some men have this, I am a man and I dont need nothing. we are all human and some of us are deeper than others and some of us love deeper than others and for those of us who do tend to be the ones sh** on. I am on the same page as you so hang in there you will be fine....I will be fine.....it does not take the pain away but you will be fine.

 

a WISE Gal told me from this form her name was lor that your friends are to close. SHE IS SO RIGHT. you think you need to here leave him/her and want to hear that she was not right in leaving and so on and so forth but she feels what she does. dont be like me and waste 18 years trying to make someone love you when goofy you deserve to be loved.

 

you deserve to be happy and not try to make her love you or convence her that you are the one. and the advice act like that it does not bother you.....that is true to some extent but dont but an a**. you can kill someone easier with kindness than when you are a complete but. cause if there is any chance of you getting back together being mean is sure not going to help. my husband and I still live in the same house but he lives upstairs and I live down. we do not talk unless we have to but we are not mean either. I mainly stay in my room as I have tv in there and he has always been the one to be the buthole and have this owell I dont care thing and a heart of ice.

 

man a heart of ice but you know becuse he got busted and sees he has something wrong with himself and it never was me all along. you could not tell my self estem that but he I think is breaking more than me. but I think it is to late. still does not mean I dont love him but the hurt he caused is to deep. so anyway it is going to be hard all I can tell you is BREATH........

[MNo]

Thank you all. Every post makes me little better. Days are good and nights are bad. I still care much about her and find my self thinking about her pain too. Then I say to myself, Hey fool she left you think about yourself, but fool or not pain is there. Everything reminds me of her, even the soap. Sometimes I imagine this is just a bad dream and will wake up every second now.

I know she didn’t call any of mutual, or her friends to tell them about us. I think she is ashamed. Don’t now should I tell them, so they would call her and ask what happened…

[Sup]

Thank you all. Every post makes me little better. Days are good and nights are bad. I still care much about her and find my self thinking about her pain too. Then I say to myself, Hey fool she left you think about yourself, but fool or not pain is there. Everything reminds me of her, even the soap. Sometimes I imagine this is just a bad dream and will wake up every second now.

I know she didn’t call any of mutual, or her friends to tell them about us. I think she is ashamed. Don’t now should I tell them, so they would call her and ask what happened…

 

 

You're NO fool, by the way, I would contact a Lawyer to help you keep any house, property, or assets you have, ask about abandonment in this case, DON'T wait for her to make a move, YOU make your moves NOW! You want to have the control in the Divorce, not her. I dunno what the laws are where you are at, but, check into it.

[Guest]

Hi, I feel your pain. My husband walked out on my 3month old daughter and I about a year and a half ago. I was completely blindsided. I was very happy and thought he was too. The month before...he became distant....and I wondered what was going on...but never in a million years did I think this would be my lifet now. He had an affair....he was the last person on earth that I ever imagined could have done something like that. We had been friends since we were 15....dated at the end of college for 3, engaged for 1 and married for 2 1/2 years when he left. I'm young like you..and it feels strange...b/c everyone our age is getting married right now....starting families...not getting divorced!!!

 

I tried giving him space....all of that....but he's so far gone. At times I thought he wanted to reconcile....but once I let him back in my heart...he changed his mind again. Our divorce is almost final. It's been a long two years....and I still do not have answers. I just don't get it....like you and your wife...we had a very promising future together...good jobs....all of that...and of course a beautiful daughter. I hurt for her the most. So much has been taken from her. He's moved on from his affair and even has a new girlfriend.

 

Like your wife...he isolated all of his friends too...except for one. They do this because they are ashamed and very embarrassed.

 

It does get better. Some days are easy...some days are hard. Spend a lot of time with your family and friends. Do something you haven't done before. I trained for a half marathon...which was such a fun experience. It helped me stay focused on something....and was healthy too.

 

One thing I've realized and had to come to terms with....is you will never understand "why." The more you ask her ...the more she will probably try to justify and rationalize her behavior in her head...which in return will hurt you more. There is no good reason why she did this. You didn't deserve this either....but it happened and unfortunately you have to figure a way to deal with it.

 

Maybe she will come around...only time will tell. Do give her space. I believe in second chances. I also believe that people can change but only if they want to. I would have given my husband a second chance....because I believe in the commitment of marriage. But...it's hard to work on a marriage that only one person wants.

 

Have you heard of the Purpose Driven Life? I also read that book....it was very helpful.

 

I know you miss her a lot. She was a big part of your life. You will be stronger because of this though!!! That's the last thing you want to hear right now...you just want to wake up from your bad dream!! I know how that feels.

 

Put one foot in front of the other....and hang in there.

[hopeto]

You're NO fool, by the way, I would contact a Lawyer to help you keep any house, property, or assets you have, ask about abandonment in this case, DON'T wait for her to make a move, YOU make your moves NOW! You want to have the control in the Divorce, not her. I dunno what the laws are where you are at, but, check into it.

 

I dont agree with this one, why... just my personal thoughts. I have seen my sike... he told me that if you make rash disicions when your mind is cloudie then most not all will come back and bite you in the butt. you have to give a little time. so you humble yourself for just a little while. not forever not all life long just a little while. make sure this is what you want to do cause in the end if it comes to the big "d" then you will have it already for abandoment it is there and she is not in the home.

 

you will have the control weather you wait or not and may even look better on your part that you were willing to try to sort thing out rather than hop right to divorce. only you know what to do you just have to figure it out and to put it in prospective. be strong and just breath......tellin you go get the meds they help!!!!

[MNo]

Nothing new happening. I phoned some of our friends and hers best girlfriend, but no one knows anything and she is not returning their calls or messages. Aaaaaaaaaa I am going crazy, what is happening!!! I have so mixed emotions, anger and despair is a strange combination. I have this crazy periods at nights.

Usually I would just cry but now only thing going trough my head is:

What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? Why? Why? Why?

Don’t know why but thought that there is another person is most painful. Maybe she is ashamed of hers doings and because that she is not returning calls. I don’t know what is worst, when I am just sad and crying or now when I so desperately need answers? I am in a big crisis…please someone wake me up….

[dropdeadlegs]

Again, I wish I could wave my magic wand and take your pain away. I follow this thread and have read all the advice you have received. Remember this is a forum and that you will hear things you can use, and some things that you simply can't. While I have experienced "lost love" my stories are not the same and I continue to offer my sympathy. I assume from what I have read that you are still much immobilized by a broken leg. If that is the case, being homebound with your thoughts may be excrutiating. Days are bad, nights are bad, weekends are worse. We have another weekend coming up. Please know that you will survive this. My last divorce (I've had two) was very painful and sudden, it took about three months to even feel I could cope at all, and much longer to heal. Allow yourself time to grieve and do the best you can to cope in the meantime. Loss is so very painful in any way it comes. Keep posting if it helps. I know it is hard to believe that in time you will actually feel better, but you will. Until then, my thoughts are with you. You may never have answers, but I wish you will find peace soon.

[MNo]

I am better now. I am starting to realize some things which I didn’t want to see before. I really ask my self now, was she good for me? Leave me the way she did and leave me in house with broken leg, when I needed her. Some other stuff comes to me and I really start asking myself. If I could be in this mood everything would be lot easier. Am I going the right way? Is this the way of finding peace with myself?

Her mother phoned me today. She is with her daughter 100%, ok she is her mother she is supposed to be. I don’t know the real reason why she phoned me. To see how I am? To see how I feel about this? Anyway we had a long conversation but I am not any smarter after it. She hasn’t spoken to my wife yet, saying she refuses and saying she thinks this is her final decision (breakup). Ok I sad, you are with you daughter that’s ok, but, she is running from problems a that is not the way to live or solve anything. We agreed about it. We agreed that they should talk to her and try to explain her some things.

After the conversation I was just more upset. I am angry and at her parents too. Why are you supporting her in something that is wrong and has no real explanation?

Later my friend come to visit me and I had a very long and helpful conversation with him. Now I am just empty, this moment I don’t care. Leave or comeback I am feeling the same.

[hopeto]

Nothing new happening. I phoned some of our friends and hers best girlfriend, but no one knows anything and she is not returning their calls or messages. Aaaaaaaaaa I am going crazy, what is happening!!! I have so mixed emotions, anger and despair is a strange combination. I have this crazy periods at nights.

 

Usually I would just cry but now only thing going trough my head is:

What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? What is happening? Why? Why? Why?

 

Don’t know why but thought that there is another person is most painful. Maybe she is ashamed of hers doings and because that she is not returning calls. I don’t know what is worst, when I am just sad and crying or now when I so desperately need answers? I am in a big crisis…please someone wake me up….

 

listen you are where I was two weeks ago and the longer you wait the longer you keep throwing it back and forth. meds I am telling you they help. your mind is going 90 miles a min. but with all the thoughts you are having not one is clear to you except she left. it is where is she,what is she doing, who is she with , how do you get her back, what can you say , what,what,what and why,why,why. here it is the answer is plain NOTHING,NOTHING,NOTHING that is the answer to all your questions. really if it were not for my daughter the pain was so hash all I wanted to do is just die.

 

that is not the answer,nor a soulition. go to the doc tell him you need some prozac or some form of anti deperesent and start taking them as perscribed!!!!!!!! it helps slow you mind and will also help clear the madness that you are feeling. the lost, the not sure of a bleak future. gives you some help to just cope. not only ask for that but the nights are worse cause that is when you were together......during the day you worked right. that is why it is harder at night. get something to help you sleep and for your nerves but you need to be responable and use them as only the last resort except the depression pill.

 

its ok to hurt and to cry and to feel the way you do but you have to get ahold of yourself as much as it hurts do not call her friends this will make it worse dont call her family cause I am here to tell ya none of them are on your side it comes down to she is there family and she is justified in what she is doing right or wrong. it is like with my husbands family, even what he has done they will not tell him how terrible he treated me and that he messed up!!!!!!

 

that is his family as his step sister said she is not willing to tell him that cause she is afraid he wont love her and hate her but and she loves him too much. what I dont understand is that she does not love him enough cause she would say you know I am telling you that you are messing the best thing that happened to you cause your stupid and I love you enough to tell you cause I want you to know you made the mistake. stop trying to beat yourself up!!!!!!! the point I am saying is that you cannot make any one love you!!!!! dont waste 18 years like I did.

 

let go and if it is ment to be she will come back. and you will heal and the hardest part for me and for you is to know that there is love out there but because we were burned and burned badly we will tend to keep it out so I have no advice there except pray and let it go and get meds!!!!!!!

[TapaDingDong]

MNO,

It has been a year now since my wife have left. The circumstances are pretty much the same. Agony and pain is all you get. I hope that you would do a better job getting over it than I have. Friends will be there for you for a week or two but then you going to be on your own. My advice to you do not let nest in your brain. I would say try with her, but they are from a different planet buddy. They dont seem to reason the same we do. Something must have turned her off and it might be as ridiculous as you may never think of. The worst part is when then never talk about it. Family will tell you that she is bad or she will never get a better deal You may have relief or pain in that. I found it so painful because i provided everything to her. Anything that I could think of. Yet she choose the "nothing" over my "everything". If this incident is fresh, the worst thing you could do is pushing it. Give her some space. Never retaliate. She may fumble around among her self and then will land to a solid decision. Hope that the decision will be to your favor. Meanwhile, take care of yourself. Get busy doing something. To me soccer and home improvement do some of the task. Go home only when u dead tired. Time will heal the wounds and forgetness is a blessing.

[anna13]

I am better now. I am starting to realize some things which I didn’t want to see before. I really ask my self now, was she good for me? Leave me the way she did and leave me in house with broken leg, when I needed her. Some other stuff comes to me and I really start asking myself. If I could be in this mood everything would be lot easier. Am I going the right way? Is this the way of finding peace with myself?

Her mother phoned me today. She is with her daughter 100%, ok she is her mother she is supposed to be. I don’t know the real reason why she phoned me. To see how I am? To see how I feel about this? Anyway we had a long conversation but I am not any smarter after it. She hasn’t spoken to my wife yet, saying she refuses and saying she thinks this is her final decision (breakup). Ok I sad, you are with you daughter that’s ok, but, she is running from problems a that is not the way to live or solve anything. We agreed about it. We agreed that they should talk to her and try to explain her some things.

After the conversation I was just more upset. I am angry and at her parents too. Why are you supporting her in something that is wrong and has no real explanation?

Later my friend come to visit me and I had a very long and helpful conversation with him. Now I am just empty, this moment I don’t care. Leave or comeback I am feeling the same.

I wouldnt talk to her mother or anyone in her family anymore. next time any of her relatives call you just tell them that sorry but the only one you want to talk to is your W. that call from your Mother in Law , just seems pointless to me . she is behind her daughter 100%? well thanks for that info ... i would just say politly , If my wife has something to say she needs to call me i am not speaking to anyone else ( her family) . who knows the reason for the call, maybe your W wanted to know what you were up to and how you are feeling. In laws, they are not your relationship with your wife. it is between you and your wife. you will be better off not speaking to them right now. like she ( MIL) said , they are 100% behind their daughter. I know it hurts and her family is a lifeline sort of speak to know what she is doing ect , but dont go that route. your W has to contact you sooner or later. dont try to find out where she is what she is doing ect. just move on like she isnt coming back. I know when people leave us like that it feels like the end and you want to not let go , I know this, but you have to remember this isnt the end. she will have to communicate with you at somepoint. like I said dont let her do it through her family. she needs to grow up and handle this herself. you just hang in there and try not to call her at all. just put a date on the calender and say I am not going to call her and i am going to try to keep my mind off her and her family for 2 weeks. dont even answer your phone , let the machine or voicemail grab the calls. if it is from her you can always return her call , if it is from your in laws just ignore them so they can tell her your not answering , and just hang in there.

[MNo]

Today after talking to her mother I hoped something would happen. Than our mutual friend called me to say my wife is coming to talk to his wife (they are best friends) this evening. I thought I could get some answers and I hoped they could reach her somehow, say to her it’s not the way of dealing with problems. He phoned me latter and said it doesn’t sound good. He doesn’t know the details, he just knows it’s not someone else – affair. She told her same as she told me, she is unhappy,…

Again I was devastated…

[Mr. Lucky]

You are learning some hard truths:

 

- People sometimes do things that don't make sense. They can't give an explanation because they don't understand the motivation themselves.

 

- Parents are always going to side with their children. The child could be a murderer and would still receive a parent's unconditional love. I feel this way about my own children.

 

- It takes a certain age, maturity and experience to get a level perspective on life. Your wife sounds young, impulsive and immature (no insult intended). We tend to act rashly at that stage of life with little regard for the long term consequences.

 

Add it all up and the current truth is simply that only certain things are under your control. The good advice you have gotten from others here is to focus your own actions and circumstances and not your wife's. Stay busy, lean on friends and family and keep all your options open. I wish you good luck in this difficult time...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

BTW - Each person is different, but meds and tranquilizers would be my last resort. You'll need to be as clear-headed as possible as there may be some decisions to be made on very short notice.

[MNo]

I need advice here. This morning I talked to my wife best (girl) friend. She and my wife talked yesterday about everything. She told me my wife is devastated too and the reason she left is that she was so utterly disappointed how I treated her, that she didn’t felt loved, she didn’t get enough attention, and lot of small things that bothered her.

 

I don’t think I was a perfect husband but that’s sounds very harsh. It hurts me again that she feels that way. I do love her, I treat her good, I do pay attention to her but it obviously was not enough. I feel responsible now for not seeing that. But again I really don’t see a reason for that much unhappiness. She wouldn’t fake it so there must be a reason. It seems it’s all my fault.

 

Her friend told me that I don’t get angry or be to proud to fight for my wife and our marriage. She told me to wait 7 or 10 days and try something. Maybe surprise her or something. She told me that was hers opinion how I should do. Now it seems hopeless but I wouldn’t know if I don’t try.

 

In this situation if I stick to NC it would just strengthen her belief I don’t care enough. After the break I didn’t call, didn’t beg, just cried and tried to reason her the day she left. I think I should do something in few days. I am ready to fight, I love this women I just hope she will somehow see that and decide to try and solve our problems.

[Mr. Lucky]

She told me to wait 7 or 10 days and try something.

 

In this situation if I stick to NC it would just strengthen her belief I don’t care enough.

 

Some conflict between those two ideas. Why not just follow your heart? If you feel like you want to speak to your wife, call her. Explain how you feel. Look in her eyes; let her look into yours. See what happens.

 

Better than sitting around and wondering what the future brings...

 

Mr. Lucky

[MNo]

It’s over. I talked to her. Definitely it’s all over. We didn’t communicate enough and that cased that her unhappiness killed her love for me. There is no hope for us she told me. She was not bitter nor angry. Said it just like that and I knew it really is all over… I feel the blame for not seeing that she was so unhappy , for not doing things the other way, for destroying hers and my life, I feel the blame for everything. She said no one is to blame we just didn’t work out, just couldn’t be together. I tried to explain I know where I was wrong what I did wrong but she said ok but it doesn’t matter now, I don’t feel anything for you.

 

I know my wife and I know when she really means something and this was 100% sure decision from her. I don’t know anything anymore, I feel so stupid for not seeing the signs, feel like a looser. Blame her for not telling me for all things that bothered her.

 

She said it would be the best to get all the paper for the divorce as soon as possible to finish this part of our lives and move on. We cant be friends she told me too, I cant move on if I see you, please don’t call me. Not one positive thing except he is worried about me and my health….

 

Again after all she said I just cant let go. Just cant let go...such a relationship to fail on so stupid thing….o God how can I forgive this myself….

[Mr. Lucky]

I feel the blame for everything.

I'm sorry for your obvious pain. But let me ask you a question:

 

Isn't a marriage between two people?

 

If that is true, than the responsibity for maintaining the marriage falls on both of you. Your wife, in the face of the first real problem in your life together, has cut and run. To me, that is indefensibly dishonorable, cruel and (I say again) immature.

 

So it's OK to feel bad - under your circumstances, anyone would. But to blame yourself seems very wrong to me. Hope this helps in some small way.

 

Mr. Lucky