Ripples Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 NoIDidn't, I liked your post very much Link to post Share on other sites
Spinderella Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 Yes I agree that what is important is how people feel about themselves. I wonder if perhaps the original poster, posted in terms of his point of view, as an opposite to the ows point of view. What I mean is, instead of the usual posts which seem very much to be "Why I love him..." its "Why he loves me..". It doesnt really matter whether the love is genuine or not, because the poster was simply trying to turn things around to a different perspective. I felt that this was what her intention was, and that the intention was to help the other ow to do the same. It doesnt matter if it is "I think I am.." or "he thinks I am...", because the point is to list qualities. This was my take on the thread, but, of course everything is subjective, always, and this is why we should always be wary of assumptions. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 Again, Spin, definitely just carrying on the convo, not trying to start an argument: Why tie your attributes into a positive spin on someone else? If the guy likes silk clothes and stockings, he could buy them for his W (probably did). There was a lot of things in that post that implied she hinged her self-worth on what he thinks of her. A lot to say that she feels that she is just an object for someone else's enjoyment. What about how she feels about herself? Does she enjoy who she is herself? Or does she only pretend to so that someone else will like her? Again, Puddle, I am not talking about you personally - just using your post for this dissection (sorry). But I do indeed see where you are coming from with the change in the usual posts here. There is a lot of "why I love him" around here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author puddleofmud Posted November 17, 2006 Author Share Posted November 17, 2006 I am deeply greatful for each and every reply and I have no problem with any. This has helped my untangle a nasty emotional mess regarding a great betrayal. When one is betrayed one often goes into complete shock, mind numbing and heart wrenching shock. I have over come somewhat through severe self examination and do not wish to hold myself hostage to this as I must be functional for those who depend upon me as well as for myself. I apologize if this thread was perceived as self-entertaining. That was not my endeavor and I have explained ad nauseum. I simply hoped that others would reply with their own lovely self confidence in order to overcome their own pain regarding this kind of situation. I had hoped that others would do so and that we could validate their responses. I did not intend to "flaunt" anything! I am simply focusing on healing myself and this was an invitation to those who wish to do the same. Bless you all and thank you for listening during these difficult hours. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleLady Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 To put this mildy... If he actually fell in love with you, he'd be with YOU.. not his wife! I don't care what he tells you or what fantasies you have in your mind.. likely none of them are in any way accurate.. You were a good thrill to distract him from his problems AND WILLING.. that's about it. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 To put this mildy... If he actually fell in love with you, he'd be with YOU.. not his wife! I don't care what he tells you or what fantasies you have in your mind.. likely none of them are in any way accurate.. You were a good thrill to distract him from his problems AND WILLING.. that's about it. Didn't you read the whole thread? Or are you just trying to start yet another argument? Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 I would like to start a thread about affirmation--why did these M persons fall in love with US?--not why we fell for them (the heck with that because it just isn't reality--no one can give true love that way). He fell in love with my independence, my self-reliance, my self-knowlege, my education, my open mind. He fell in love with my kindness, my sweet nature, my love of poetry, books and animals. He fell in love with my open heart. He fell in love with my cooking, my herb garden, my freshly baked bread. He fell in love with my voice at every phone call, with my wit and crazy laugh, with my warmth of soul, the music I played in my house. He fell in love because I am loyal, he knew how much my friends loved me, he loved MY life. He fell in love because I answered the phone breathless on my way out the door to do things he could not, to have a life he could never have with me. He fell in love with my silk clothing, my hoisery, my wild hair, my unhibited passion and that I am just one hell of a lay! Hmmm, I am am sounding like a pretty darn good catch! Bet the rest of you OW are as well! Be in touch with how you can be loved and I think better things can happen.... Wow...you sound like one hell of a woman! I am a BS and I did not take offense at your post, but I did feel the overwhelming need to defend myself. The one comment I did want to make is that one thing that keeps A's alive is the fact that they are; IN MY OPINION, not realistic...By this, I mean, the MM leads a double life...Everyone has responsibilities, and most everyone that I know wants what they don't have at some point in their lives...Your MM's W could have many wonderful qualities that are just OPPOSITE from your's...You say yourself that you don't know her...It didn't sound to me like you were competing with her or bashing her, just tooting your own horn. This is ok...but if it were me, I'd keep a low profile and stay sort of quiet, or things might just get nasty sooner then you think...I understand what the intent of your post was, but you also have to understand why this has struck a cord with many W's...The first thing we do, and we then do it over and over and over and over, is compare ourselves with the OW...See what I mean? I have never seen any of my H's OW's but I know enough to second guess myself constantly..The main OW of my H, was single, no children, very young...Had her own condo, that he bought for her, fun to party with, fun friends, very chatty and perky, even her style of clothing and decorating were total opposite from mine..Whenever my H needed a break from our two kids, one and two at the time, 12 and 13 when D day came about, he just trotted over to her place for a beer and some R and R...All the while, I was working long days, taking care of our babies and doing his laundry....So..my point is that she had what he wanted and couldn't have at that time in his life...It's a really selfish thing, in my opinion...These are just my thoughts, and I do admire you for speaking your mind. You sound very happy, and I hope things work out for you, but I do have to say that your story sounds like so many others...Good Luck.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author puddleofmud Posted November 22, 2006 Author Share Posted November 22, 2006 See what I mean? I have never seen any of my H's OW's but I know enough to second guess myself constantly..The main OW of my H, was single, no children, very young...Had her own condo, that he bought for her, fun to party with, fun friends, very chatty and perky, even her style of clothing and decorating were total opposite from mine..Whenever my H needed a break from our two kids, one and two at the time, 12 and 13 when D day came about, he just trotted over to her place for a beer and some R and R...All the while, I was working long days, taking care of our babies and doing his laundry....So..my point is that she had what he wanted and couldn't have at that time in his life...It's a really selfish thing, in my opinion... I DO see exactly "what you mean" and any one who is involved with or thinking about involvement with a MM should also "see" exactly what you mean. This is my interest in being on this site--to express my experience so that others may learn from it. If you have not read my experience you may find my last post under the topic "Don't Do It'! Even though I did not know this guy was married and I was not a willing party to an "affair' anymore than his wife--I wished to find answers regarding a most humiliating experience. What you have described is the same: HUMILIATION. I am so very sorry for your pain and I hope others will see the havoc they may reek on another's soul. From your post I can assertain so many positive qualities about you: Loyalty, hard working, making your husband, children and your home your first priority. Being perky, partying and being so irresponsible as to not pay one's own bills could not hold a candle to your attributes! You have actually proved a good point as to what my initial thread was to be about: how to see ourselves in a better light and how to move forward and leave obsessive thoughts by concentrating on how we deserve so much better. And, you do! Best of luck to you, as well, and I hope you find all the love and happiness you so richly deserve. Link to post Share on other sites
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