JeT'Aime Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 recently, i found out my boyfriend cheated on me about 6 months ago. well i decided to try to work it out with him, and every time i bring it up, he says that I'm just picking a fight, and i should just get over it. he says that it's my insecurities. but the truth is that i just don't trust him. what would be the best way to tell him that i just want to trust him? how can i trust him again? please help!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 if its been 6 months and you still arent over it, chances are you never will be . just move on. It really pisses me off when someone cheats, then they whine about the consequences. He has no right to brush it off telling you to get over it. Leave his ass, you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 I agree. You can't get over it because you can't relate to what he did. There's no way you could justify doing it yourself, so there's no way to understand why he felt the need to cheat. The trust is gone and he's doing nothing to reassure you and make sure your feelings are the priority, which he would do, if he felt remorse. Leave him. He'll never care about you properly. Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 I agree. You can't get over it because you can't relate to what he did. There's no way you could justify doing it yourself, so there's no way to understand why he felt the need to cheat. Amayssyn - this is a great way to put it. I think that's why I couldn't get over my bf's cheating too. I just couldn't relate to it - I couldn't imagine do that to someone I loved. I'm with most posters here, leave him. He cheats and evidently lies too because if you found out he cheated 6 months ago, he didn't even feel the need to tell you when it happened. He probably would have kept it hidden from you the rest of his life. His feelings for you when you're hurting says alot about his character. Please don't make the mistake I did and marry the guy. It's not worth the heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
Silvershadow-light Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Hi, I really don’t know if you need to leave your boyfriend or not but for sure you can not continue like this. But before you make any move you may need to if somehow you may show now enough confidence to yourself, therefore somehow you caused this situation. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I am sorry if my English is not good enough to explain better but what I learned in my life is, we need to learn before leave.[/sIZE][/FONT] Light and peace Silvershadow Link to post Share on other sites
Author JeT'Aime Posted November 15, 2006 Author Share Posted November 15, 2006 thanks for all the replies. it really helps to hear that kind of stuff. so anyways, IF i do decide to tell him that i think we need to work on the trust (which we do, obviously) what would be some good ways to do that? should i ask him to call me everyday? should i know his passwords? how can i feel assured that he's not going to do it again? and it's like he expects me to just automatically trust him again, just b/c he said he wouldn't do it again, and it was the biggest mistake of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 and it's like he expects me to just automatically trust him again, just b/c he said he wouldn't do it again, and it was the biggest mistake of his life. Here's the thing, words mean nothing. Actions are where it's at. He can tell you exactly what he thinks you want to hear, and as long as he still has you by his side it means it works for him. It may even make you feel better to hear how 'sorry' he is and 'how much you mean to him'. But...it takes a lot more for him to make you feel better by what he does. If you bring up the past, he thinks you're picking a fight. You aren't. You are just trying to be reassured by him and have your feelings validated. He doesn't deal with the hurt he's caused you very well. It provokes anger in him. Which to me suggests he doesn't care about your feelings as much as he cares about his own. Why on earth would you put up with this? Don't you think you deserve someone who will nurture your feelings? This guy committed the ultimate betrayal in a relationship, and isn't even kind enough to hear you out when you're hurting. You are nobody's toilet, sweetie. Don't let this guy keep sh*tting on you! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 recently' date=' i found out my boyfriend cheated on me about 6 months ago. [/quote'] until the two of you are married he can do whatever he wants and so can you. Link to post Share on other sites
DaintyPaws Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 Anyone who does something bad to another person and then blames it on that person just pisses me off. If he doesn't do anything to gain back your trust, he's just ain't worth it. Maybe, you can talk to him about it. I had an ex once who blamed me for his wrong doings. And I brought it quite a number of times until he confessed that everytime I brought it, it made him feel bad and he didn't want to feel bad. So, maybe he's just asking you to get over it because he doesn't want to feel bad everytime you bring it up ? Maybe you could ask him why is it each time you bring it up, he gets upset ? Link to post Share on other sites
Wantingtogetitright Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 is to say to him that you want a calm and rational discussion. You need to know what and why it happened and his reassurance that it won't happen again. If you cannot discuss it then it is time for you to move on. You cannot ignore it, it wasn't your fault, and you will never accept the blame for it. He most probably doesn't want to discuss it cos of his own guilt and therefore lashes out and tries to justify it. You will never get over it unless you hear from him that he regrets it, accepts his own responsibility for it and also accepts that he now has to earn your trust again. If he is not willing to do this, dump him and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JeT'Aime Posted November 16, 2006 Author Share Posted November 16, 2006 You will never get over it unless you hear from him that he regrets it, accepts his own responsibility for it and also accepts that he now has to earn your trust again. this is exactly what i said to him...that he needs to earn my trust. but then he comes back and says, well i never had it anyways! yes, i can be a jealous girlfriend, but i have reason to be! am i right here? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 but then he comes back and says, well i never had it anyways! Translation: "I'm not willing to try to earn the trust back for what I've done" He's throwing it in your face and keeps pushing the blame back on you. Talk about your toxic relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Wantingtogetitright Posted November 19, 2006 Share Posted November 19, 2006 this is exactly what i said to him...that he needs to earn my trust. but then he comes back and says' date=' well i never had it anyways! yes, i can be a jealous girlfriend, but i have reason to be! am i right here?[/quote'] what a bastard! Dump him and move on with someone that deserves your trust and respect and also respects you. What a tool! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts