She won't tell me about her past !

[crack_jack]

Hi !

I met my girlfriend - who is about 6 years older than me - about 2 years ago. Back then I thought I met this virgin, very commited to God and church. And in a way she really is like that. A few months after we met, she started talking about her past a little bit though she still didn;t open up to me. I have became very frustrated over this - especially coz now we are in a LD relationship. It's very to accept that this pure girl that I met had actually been very "lively" , going out all the time, drinking habits etc. I felt betrayed that she didnt tell me from the start. I thought it would pass after a while but it's getting worse now. I really love her and want to know what to do to be able to cope with this. I just can't get my mind to understand: how can she claim to have never had sex (she WAS a virgin when i met her so I guess at least normal sex wasnt involved) but at the same time have 10+ partners in her past? She puts a lot of guilt ono herself too and when I try to talk about it , she just "shuts the door on me" and tells me she doesnt deserve me, that I'm too innocent for her (I was indeed a virgin), starts crying etc. I really want her to get these hurtful things out of her head.... I worry a lot: maybe some family member abused her somehow, maybe she got beaten up or forced into some filthy things by some ex-boyfriend long time ago, etc. She only confides in God and never in me about these things. PLS give me some advice, especially if a similar thing has happened in your life:eek: . Thanks a lot for your time !!!!

[norajane]

First, it's very dangerous to ask for details, because once you know exactly what happened and how, that's all you'll be able to think about and you'll obssess and feel miserable and jealous - you are already doing that.

 

Second, a "virgin" may mean she never had penetrative sex (penis in vagina), but could mean anything else was allowed - oral sex for him, oral sex for her, mutual masturbation, etc. That's what is often known as a "technical virgin" or she's done "everything but".

 

You have to decide what is acceptable to you. I take it you aren't a virgin now and neither is she? If you love her and don't want to lose her, then don't judge her...isn't that what Christiantiy is about? Not judging people?

 

If you can't avoid judging her and can't get it out of your head that she'd had other partners, then you're better off breaking up and finding someone who meets your strict standards.

[buu]

if she dont want to tell you about her past, dont pressure her into it. give her time. if you dont wanna wait for her to respond, Move on.