his words hurt me

[jamie]

i know i have a jealous streak and sometimes push my boyfriend with questions, and today was one of those days.

i asked him why he tells his assistant about our business, meaning what we did for mothers day or what he got me for my birthday, etc.

 

i asked him why does he have time for such idle chitchat about our personal business while he brushes me away half the time claiming to be busy and i know that he is.

 

well he finally blew up at me and said that the conversation he was having with me took longer then the conversation with her, and was yelling at me when he said this, then yelled "FXCK YOU!" and hung up on me.

 

we have been together for about two years now and it seems that this is the way he handles things when he gets mad at me but it is not that often when this happens.

 

so as long as i keep my mouth shut and dont make any waves we are okay, so do you think this is right? was i really that out of line by pushing the subject?

 

i dont know what to do, i feel really hurt to be treated this way because it does not happen that often so i am just not use to it i guess.

 

we were suppose to go out to dinner, i was suppose to pick him up after work but instead i came over to my friends house and now here i am on this board and he has no clue that i am not coming and i really do not even give a damm.

am i wrong for standing him up after what he has said?

 

we live together so i have to go home sooner or later but prefer later. is it wrong to feel this way? i just dont know how i should feel, i feel hurt that is all iknow for a fact.

 

i will appreciate any advice here, jamie

[velvet]

Not picking him up from work is a NO NO. But to late now, Im sure he can find another way home.

 

It does depend on how far you push him. Theres nothing wrong with talking to co-workers about what you do in your free time. Theres nothing wrong with that at all. When he starts discussing his sex life with his partner at work, theres a problem!

 

Theres no reason to be upset or jealous with his partner at work. If you suspect anything look into it more. How well do you know his co-worker? Do you think of her as a real threat or are you just in battle with your on emotions?

 

Open the lines of communication with him more. Hes upset that you are jealous of his time with this co-worker. Tell him to spend more time with you. Talking to you and reassuring you. Men are hard to talk to. You have to be on his level when trying to get your emotions through to him. Ask him if he thinks he spends more time with his co-worker than he does you.

 

Does he do things like talk about her too often when hes home?

Theres so many factors to look at to get a good judgement on what the deal is.

 

You said you dont fight about it much. Maybe your just having a episode that we all have at one time or another.

 

When he gets home or you get home, dont argue heavy. Talk to him calmly even if you desire to fly across the room and knock him one in the chin. Let him talk first, finish and than talk rational. You need to push your point across to him without being over bearing and irrational. If he cares about your feelings he will spend more time with you and reasure you of his love to you after he gets over you ditching him at work.

[clia]

I think you totally overreacted to his discussion with his assistant. Aren't you aware that people in a work environment often have discussions along the lines of "How was your weekend?" Do you expect him to throw a bunch of work on his assistant's desk and never speake to her otherwise? That's baloney and not a good way to encourage respect and good work in the workplace. I don't blame him for getting ticked off at you.

 

However, saying f*** off and hanging up on you was immature on his part. You retaliated by being immature and not picking him up for dinner. He is likely going to be ticked off when he gets home.

 

So why did you overreact? Are you jealous of the assistant? Is he not spending enough time with you? There must be some underlying reason why you blew up over this, because it does seem like a small thing (at least to me.)

 

Like velvet said, you two need to have a calm and rational discussion this evening. You should certainly be able to voice your opinion when you aren't happy without getting a f*** you in return, but it sounds like you may have trouble choosing your battles. This is such a stupid thing to fight about! Don't make waves about things that aren't worthy of it. Talk to him about what is really bothering you instead of turning it into something else.

[Tony T]

Lots of people talk about their personal lives at work because they really have nothing else to talk about. Some people have no boundaries so they discuss their personal lives or whatever else comes to mind no matter what.

 

The case here is that your guy shows no respect for your desire for privacy. He may not have the capacity to understand why you want these things kept private between the two of you. He may even feel dishonored that you would want your experiences with him kept secret rather than have him proudly announce them to the world.

 

But you are NOT wrong for having the feelings you do. It may be very difficult to convince your guy to keep his mouth shut. However, you can hereby be on notice that your man is not very understanding and does not have a great respect for your wishes.

 

You have some pretty serious warning signs if you are looking to have an entire life with him. If you aren't able to discuss with him the behaviors that annoy you, then there is a serious communications problem that may haunt you in the future.

 

Move carefully through all this and pay attention. Don't think this sort of thing will blow away.

[The Truth]

As stated by the other users, there seems to be an apparent defiecency in the communication and respect department. First of all, It is irrational to expect your bf to not talk about his personal life while at work...the ability to talk to your co-workers is one of the few benefits of working in an office environment. It is also important to realize that just because he tells his assistant what you guys did over the weekend, or even what he bought you for your birthday, does not mean anything. This insinuates that you are jealous of the assistant! I mean lets be honest, if his assistant was a sweet little 65 yr old lady, im sure you'd have no complaints.

 

The next item on the agenda is how you both handled the situation. Its obvious that you did not effectively communicate your true feelings to him, but lets just say for arguements sake that you did...(this is were the respect issue presents itself). If he understood that you didn't want your business to become public business, he (if he truly respected you, and your relationship) would exercise more discretion. Moving on, you aggravated him to the point where he not only cursed you out, but hung up on you to boot! This is clear and concise! You both need to call Arithra and get some R-E-S-P-E-C-T for one another. What seperates human beings from other species, and what seperates adults from kids is being able to effectively manage your emotions. Now we are still human, but it is important to remember that no matter how upset you get in a situation, things you say and do, may be forgiven, but not forgotten. And your failure to compose yourself only compounded the problem. I mean serioulsy, you left the guy hanging at work w/no ride? This is extremely immature, and you can bet that world war 3 will commence.

 

as far as resolving your problem just pay close attention to tonys post he summed it up really well,

best of luck

[Crystal]

well first i need to clarify a couple of things:

1, i did not leave him at work, he was at home,

and i was to pick him up at home then we were

going to go out to eat.

 

2, this girl that he talks to is on the phone with him

NOT at an office.

she works for him, and to me is sometimes nosy and

he does not know how to tell her it is personal or something, he thinks i guess that since she asks he should answer her.

 

3, in my opinion what we did for my birthday or mothers day is none of her business or the next guys business.

 

4, am i jealous of her? i have NEVER laid eyes on her but in a way i guess i am because i hear him laughing at something she may say, whilst i cant seem to elicit that same response from him, only rarely.

 

so i guess in that sense i am jealous of her and anybody that can make him laugh since i rarely can.

 

i love to hear him laugh but not with other women, and yes at times with other men, or anybody in general because it reminds me that i cant seem to get that response from him, only rarely.

 

so that is all iwanted to clarify...i have been sick with a cold for a week now, and i dont feel like trying to make anybody laugh nor do i even care if he does at the moment!

[questionaire]

jamie

 

YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND A FEW THINGS HERE

 

1- The reasons why he talks to his assistance about your business are

 

a- he doesn't see anybody can understand his feeling beside his assistance. Let say if you spend enough time with an individual, you have that feeling toward that person and you want to share good and bad feeling to that person

 

it is really not a suprise to see him act like that. I have a lot of friends who will share with me everything. No big deal

 

 

b- You are pushing too hard. You understand. He feels that you don't trust him by questioning him

 

in the relationship, if you don't trust a person, why you want to be with him?

 

give him some space

 

let me ask you this personal question. Would you like to be with a person who is funny and happy or would you like to be with a person who is questioning in every little thing ????

 

it is also his fault for not standing up and tell you to back up.

 

HIDING is not the way to SOLVE the problem; it only make it WORSE

 

2- you two spend 1 day and do nothing but discuss the problem

 

and hopefully, you will come up with some solution. Tell him what you think and Ask him what he thinks

 

JULY FOURTH is the best day to WORK OUT