gonetildecember Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 I heard something today, someone told me that someone can shatter your heart into a million pieces during a breakup, but with all the pieces left you can still love them uncontrolably... And its so true, with my ex, although there have been harsh words and bad situations since it happened, it doesnt change me from remembering the "good times" For ppl who have gotten their ex's back, what worked best for you... was it NC or not being persistant, or did attempting to rekindle their attraction and remind them of the "good times" prove to be more effective for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 Remind yourself of the 'bad times'. That's what the ex is doing. And if the bad times outweigh the good times in someone's estimation, nothing you can do will change that. Link to post Share on other sites
phoenix21 Posted November 19, 2006 Share Posted November 19, 2006 After a breakup, the person that got their heart broken are the first to remember the good times. It takes the person that breaks your heart longer to remember the good times. This doesn't happen all the time, especially if you had more bad times. That's a good question about how most people get their ex back. I don't know that answer, but I think it's a combination of everything. I think you have to have a period of NC. During that time, focus on your own life and work on the things you need to work on. Even go on some casual dates. Learn to live on your own. If they don't come back on their own, you might want to try to attract them back to you, but only when you know for sure you're ready. That's what I'm trying to do right now, NC and work on myself. I hope my ex comes back, but if she doesn't, the NC also gives me time to heal. Then if I still want to get back with her and I feel I'm ready, I can try to attract her again. I haven't experienced getting an ex back, so I don't know for sure. Hopefully other people can help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted November 19, 2006 Author Share Posted November 19, 2006 That's a good question about how most people get their ex back. I don't know that answer, but I think it's a combination of everything. I think you have to have a period of NC. During that time, focus on your own life and work on the things you need to work on. Even go on some casual dates. Learn to live on your own. If they don't come back on their own, you might want to try to attract them back to you, but only when you know for sure you're ready. That's what I'm trying to do right now, NC and work on myself. I hope my ex comes back, but if she doesn't, the NC also gives me time to heal. Then if I still want to get back with her and I feel I'm ready, I can try to attract her again. I'm trying the NC thing now, despite the fact that I have to pinch myself sometimes to stop myself from picking up the phone and dialing his number, but it's what everyone is telling me I should do. Things weren;t working to well when I kept trying- so I'm going to give him some time. I know I have to see him in December and I'm praying that he makes some sort of contact before then, and we at least get to talk... Otherwise I'm hoping that this NC period gives me time to cool off and get back to the old me so that I'm strong enough to be in that situation when I do see him. You mentionned attracting your ex back.. has that ever worked for you... or anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 You mentionned attracting your ex back.. has that ever worked for you... or anyone? I've had quite a few exes try and come back- but it's always worked out that I'm the one no longer interested. At some point you just move on and the feelings go away. How did I attract them back? Usually because they run into me and I'm my old self again.... so they are reminded of the woman they first fell in love with. I remember a guy that broke my heart, he came back saying it was the biggest mistake he ever made.... but I was seeing someone else I was truly in love with at the time so nothing ever came of it. Often just seeing you happy can stir up old emotions in them and make them ponder being with you again. Hopefully, by the time this happens you'll have moved on! That's the best revenge. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 I'm just hoping that either this NC thing works out in the end, or when I do see him I'm emotionally ready to be in that situation... I'd hate to break down or have to go all the way back to where I started after putting in so much effort. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I'm just hoping that either this NC thing works out in the end, or when I do see him I'm emotionally ready to be in that situation... I'd hate to break down or have to go all the way back to where I started after putting in so much effort. When you do run into him, the key is to act positive and confident- even if you're not feeling that way. When you're happy and confident, it attracts people to you like a magnet. Think back to what attracted him to you in the first place, and then emanate that person. D Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 I guess I have a copule weeks to work on that... I know I should be seeing him at an event in December.. and I'm really hoping that I won't be in this state by then... What about when/if he ever decides to call? Do I answer... or is the objective not to, and not to act like I'm so available. I'm just scared that if he thinks I'm done with him and have moved on (because I haven't called and don't answer).. he'll disappear and not think its worth putting any effort into. Link to post Share on other sites
Searching Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Ultimately you have very little control over what he's going to do. He and most other men are attratcted to women they see as strong- confident- comfortable in their own skin. If you can work on being that type of person- your ex may very well take notice and find you attractive in a way he didn't before- and if not him- someone else will. You may have to fake it til you make it for a while- but that's O.K. Just don't give him any indication that you're pining for him and hoping for his return. He'll see you as weak and needy and run in the other direction. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 Ultimately you have very little control over what he's going to do. He and most other men are attratcted to women they see as strong- confident- comfortable in their own skin. If you can work on being that type of person- your ex may very well take notice and find you attractive in a way he didn't before- and if not him- someone else will. You may have to fake it til you make it for a while- but that's O.K. Just don't give him any indication that you're pining for him and hoping for his return. He'll see you as weak and needy and run in the other direction. Good luck. Thanks Searching! Looks like fakin it til I make it is the way to go til I'm actually in the emotional postition to really feel that way... what about the calling.. if he does.. i shouldn't answer? (Original Post in case you need some background: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t104325/) Link to post Share on other sites
Searching Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I don't see any reason to avoid his phone calls if he initiates them- but let him do the talking. If he starts getting into his guilt about your struggle blah blah blah- just kindly remind him that he really doesn't need to worry about that- that you've made some changes that have helped you get your life going in a good direction. Before too long- let him know that you need to get going- but thanks for calling- it was nice to hear from you-- and leave it. If he's really interested he'll call again- and again- and then you may need to decide if you really want HIM back! Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 thanks Searching, hopefully I get to the point where he does call and I actually have to make a decision on how I want to handle the phone call. Your advice is greatly appreciated:) Link to post Share on other sites
Eric102 Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 look i'm going through the same phase but in opposite shoes. But i finally turned the tables around easily. I was very persistant at first for a reason. Because when i ended the relationship she pushed all my buttons to make me burst or else i'm very calm. After that i chased for a reason. Talked to her made her feel good but ONLY as a friend. Slowly I started backing off i picked up new hobbies and met new lady friends. To keep my mind off. Then after fews weeks of avoiding her and being nice to her. At one point i would call her every day of the week. Then suddenly i just went dead. not completely but i blocked my life from her completely. She would tell me about these great guys but i would never pay attention. Basically point is ex calls her weird if you don't plan them out. Make sure your strong or else it will be awkward and relationship killer. Just be happy on the phone all the time and joke around. Make sure you end the call first to make him think and dont talk about urself make him ask. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 So you have no desire to get back with your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Eric102 Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 you don't get the point. If they don't learn their lesson, your relationship is doomed again. You have to show them they can't mess with you. their times when i can't sleep because i have dreams, i did love her deeply but this life. You have to be strong. All i did was show her who i was and i told her before when i'm gone u will regret it. So i kept my word and left nicely. I told her i cared about her whenever she needed me in trouble i'll be their regardless of anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 I just wanted to know if you were hoping for a reconciliation or not? I understand your concept of "punishing" her because she mistreated you... but aren't you just doing what she did when she treated you badly? I fully understand the lesson learnt factor.. I just want to know what your intentions are? Link to post Share on other sites
Eric102 Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I want her back more then anything. I know what i'm doing is not a good thing. But i have tried the pursuing thing it doesn't work. They push you out. But i was still nice to her I always cared about her feelings i never tell her about the girls i'm dating now. Because she would cry so i just keep quite and let her brag about the guys shes with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 My suggestion..not that i'm an expert, i'm just starting NC.. but i think you shouldn't focus too much energy on punishing her for not wanting you before.. that won't make her come back. i'm not saying you should go back to your heavy pursuit, but stick with NC and when she makes contact..listen to what she has to say.. don't bring up the relationship.. but try to get a feel for what her renewed interest is all about. Link to post Share on other sites
Eric102 Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I do pick up her phone calls but she just brags. its really hard to see the girl i love sunk so low....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 That is really sad.. immaturity is the only word that comes do mind... she could be doing it for 2 reasons... a) shes evil lol b) she's using the jealousy card in hopes that it will have some sort of effect? dunno.. does she ever bring up your past relationship or anything like that? How do you react.. do u tell her you're keeping busy? Link to post Share on other sites
Eric102 Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 lol i like your options anyways its probably number two. But it seems to be having a negative effect because she seems to be calling me even more now. Calling me at random times 4 am in the morning or 2 am. Personally i don't know what shes trying to do. The way i react is normally, the way i treated her before. Nicely, I don't talk about myself that much. Let her make a ass of out herself lol. But seem's like whatever i'm doing is working. No we never bring up the past its a bad way to heal. All she told me was she felt she was the worse girlfriend to me, yet hates the though of a break. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gonetildecember Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 It sounds to me like she's hinthing at wanting something with you again. Especially the fact that she's back to calling at all hours.. and is the one making the effort. Now its up to you to choose how you're going to handle the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Eric102 Posted November 23, 2006 Share Posted November 23, 2006 should i pick up her phone calls now? its been a month of her reaching out Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts