broken commitments

[Chris]

I am a very adventurous and active person who likes to be out there in the world. I grew up very shy, but have developed a curiousity about life that can only be quenched by new experiences and travel. I don't mess around with alot of people because it's too emotional, thus I don't sleep around. I have always been about finding that special someone to spend my time and energy with. I met a man ten months ago whom declared that I am his soulmate and who constantly tells me how much he loves me. The problem lies in the fact that he is an introvert and extremely jealous about any contact I have with other men because his ex-wife cheated on him. When I first met him I had dated another guy, but kept it on a platonic level. I finally confessed this and the two of us decided to go on as a committed couple. Unfortunately for the last six months I have delt with a good man with a good heart who just doesn't seem to get it. He doesn't enjoy any of the things that I do. He is always preoccupied with work. For six months I have tried to break up with him. He is a strong, independent man who has begun begging and pleading with me to stay with him. I love him but know that we are genuinely incompatible and the fact that he is unable to keep commitments, (no matter how small) has worked my last nerve. He has been there for me at times but the negative outways the positive. I have told him all of this in an attempt to make him understand that neither one of us is right or wrong. We just don't get along. I hope that someone out there can give me their opinions on the matter. I care deeply about the man and I believe that he does about me, but our incompatiblities are killing us.

[Cici]

I'm not sure I understand trying to break up with a person for 6 months, Chris!

 

I have been in a similar situation, where my ex-partner sort of responded to my tentative overtures of separation with, "why don't we just wait a few weeks and see what happens between us." His clingyness to me simply increased, to the point that I was repulsed by him and began refusing to have sex.

 

In the end, my hand was forced. He was in the car, on his cell phone, and I said, "please come over so I can discuss this with you to your face." He was too busy, so I bluntly said, "I no longer feel attracted to you. I don't feel we have any emotional connection and your clingyness is very upsetting to me. I don't think we should see each other any more at all. Don't call me, don't call my friends, please try to avoid any places that you know I frequent." (we had very different social lives - I liked to go out dancing, he played pool and worked a lot).

 

After that he got the hint, although he asked some of my friends to help him get back together with me. They asked me if I was interested, I said no. The point of all this is that some people need you to be blunt and sometimes harsh with them in order to get the message. If you are no longer attracted to him and don't think you are compatible, the sooner you break up, the better for both of you. And the higher your chances of finding someone you're truly meant to be with.

 

Good luck!

 

C

I am a very adventurous and active person who likes to be out there in the world. I grew up very shy, but have developed a curiousity about life that can only be quenched by new experiences and travel. I don't mess around with alot of people because it's too emotional, thus I don't sleep around. I have always been about finding that special someone to spend my time and energy with. I met a man ten months ago whom declared that I am his soulmate and who constantly tells me how much he loves me. The problem lies in the fact that he is an introvert and extremely jealous about any contact I have with other men because his ex-wife cheated on him. When I first met him I had dated another guy, but kept it on a platonic level. I finally confessed this and the two of us decided to go on as a committed couple. Unfortunately for the last six months I have delt with a good man with a good heart who just doesn't seem to get it. He doesn't enjoy any of the things that I do. He is always preoccupied with work. For six months I have tried to break up with him. He is a strong, independent man who has begun begging and pleading with me to stay with him. I love him but know that we are genuinely incompatible and the fact that he is unable to keep commitments, (no matter how small) has worked my last nerve. He has been there for me at times but the negative outways the positive. I have told him all of this in an attempt to make him understand that neither one of us is right or wrong. We just don't get along. I hope that someone out there can give me their opinions on the matter. I care deeply about the man and I believe that he does about me, but our incompatiblities are killing us.