Diagnosed with bipolar II and scared

[PuppyDogEyes]

Hello, all, for those of you who remember my old thread....

 

I've been in therapy for a few months now, and was originally put on Paxil to control what was thought to be a simple case of depression (as if depression is ever simple). However, the treatment is no longer working - I'm experiencing severe mood shifts and switches (cycling up and down almost constantly, sometimes several times a day). It seems that the longer my therapy goes on, and the deeper that the issues go, the more upset and angry I feel, and the moodiness is just getting worse and worse and worse....Without going into specifics, I will say that my history (especially my childhood) has been rife with nearly incredible levels of abuse, some of which I have completely and totally blocked from my memory.

 

So my therapist has diagnosed me with bipolar II - a much, much more serious situation than originally believed.

 

I am due for a complete medication workup on November 29th - two weeks from now. In the meantime, I've been told to stay on the Paxil - which is not helping. I'm so afraid, because I know I'm going to cycle over and over and over in those two weeks - but I absolutely cannot get an appointment any faster, I've tried, nearly begged - they're sending me to a specialist, apparently.

 

The holidays are approaching fast - Thanksgiving and all - and I'm so afraid to face people. My family, needless to say, is some of the problem, but I can't get out of this dinner they're planning. All I want to do is hide under my bedcovers and cry. I'm so... freaking... scared.

 

I don't feel as if I have any support whatsoever. I tried to confide in a 'friend' and was told, "Just don't tell people."

 

Don't tell people??? This is why bipolar is misunderstood - because people don't know. And I'm supposed to not tell people? Some support. (bitter laugh)

 

Sorry, I guess I wanted to rant. But if anyone else suffers from bipolar, please tell me what you would do in my situation. What can I do to try and hang on for these two weeks? Were you afraid of being stigmatized because of this? (I already have been, obviously.) That's adding to the fear, that I'll lose what little friends I have over this...

 

 

- pde.

[luvtoto]

Ok, first off...you are unable to control your mood swings at all??

 

Are you having mood swings at your work or school?

[PuppyDogEyes]

Ok, first off...you are unable to control your mood swings at all??

 

Are you having mood swings at your work or school?

 

The swings are uncontrollable, yes. It's happening several times a day now. It's worsened over the last year or so, but now it's anywhere from a few times a week to a few times a day.

[alphamale]

if you are diagnosed bipolar then you should not be taking and SSRIs such as Paxil. Eventually it will push you into a severe Manic phase. But you must talk with your doctor first.

 

Basically, people with bipolar must be very careful with anti-depressants.

[luvtoto]

My daughter has bi-polar and she takes Lexapro and Abilify together.

 

Sometimes, I get so frustrated by her mood swings at home! But, it's funny cause ya never see her have any problems at school or in public. So, it seems a bit controllable.

 

But, puppyeyes, in your case I would be a bit more concerned. If you absolutely needed to, you could go to the emergency room at your local hospital. Then you would be treated immediately.

[PuppyDogEyes]

if you are diagnosed bipolar then you should not be taking and SSRIs such as Paxil. Eventually it will push you into a severe Manic phase. But you must talk with your doctor first.

 

Basically, people with bipolar must be very careful with anti-depressants.

 

My therapist is afraid that I'll be worse off if I just stop taking it suddenly - I was instructed to reduce the dosage during the time I'm waiting for the workup. I have noticed that I've been feeling much, much worse in the last couple of months - extended highs followed by crushing, crushing lows. Do you think the Paxil has exacerbated it?

 

That's another thing I'm scared of... that I'll be fooling around with drug cocktails for the rest of my life...

[luvtoto]

that I'll be fooling around with drug cocktails for the rest of my life...

Just until you find a mixture that works for you. That is normal though.

 

I can't believe the doctors are making you wait so long to get in. That's rediculous.

[whichwayisup]

Is your Therapist incharge of your drugs (Prescribe them I mean) or is it your Doctor?

 

All I know about paxil (and this is from other friends) is you can't just go off of it cold turkey. You need to ween yourself off of it, with the help your dr/therapist.

 

You may indeed be on some sort of drug combo for the rest of your life, but if taking it means you'll feel better and not cycle so much, have more control over yourself so you feel happier, then that's a good thing.

 

Can I ask what type of therapy you are doing? CBT or just straight talking and the therapist listening?

[PuppyDogEyes]

I can't believe the doctors are making you wait so long to get in. That's rediculous.

 

My heart dropped when I heard November 29th. It has to be the holidays - I can't think of anything else that would cause the wait, unless it's the fact that I'm going through a public hospital system for treatment. That's my only consolation right now - that next week will be a very short week because of it. (I won't be at work for a while after T-day, I'm lucky in that respect that they give us the time off.) I do have a regular appointment scheduled for next week.

 

Is your Therapist incharge of your drugs (Prescribe them I mean) or is it your Doctor?

 

My therapist is sending me to a regular doctor, just like she did in order to get me the Paxil. I believe it's the same doctor as before, too.

 

Can I ask what type of therapy you are doing? CBT or just straight talking and the therapist listening?

 

I believe CBT, if only because she asks me an awful lot of questions. "Why do you think this?" "Could you be reacting to this situation because of XXX?" etc., etc. I do an awful lot of talking, though. So... maybe both.

[whichwayisup]

That's good then, a combo of meds and CBT will help you.

 

Your therapist should be available to you more or less 24/7. And really, if you need help, don't be afraid to call 911. (Also, put down your therapist as your emergency contact, but let her know you are doing this too)

[alphamale]

Your therapist should be available to you more or less 24/7. And really, if you need help, don't be afraid to call 911. (Also, put down your therapist as your emergency contact, but let her know you are doing this too)

right! and dont' forget the wristband that says you're a lunatic on meds

[Guest]

Don't be scared, puppy - it sounds like you've got good care. Think of it as a disease like diabetes - diabetics must be on drugs their whole lives but that's what helps them live and be healthy. It's fortunate that you live in a day where there are drugs to help you - for so long when people thought these illnesses were just weakness of will, there was little help.

 

Absolutely do not go off your drugs cold turkey - and do NOT listen to some poster who tries to prescribe a drug dose for you - GRRRRRR. If you feel worse, for sure go to a clinic or see your regular doc, or if it gets very bad go to the ER.

 

As for talking about it, as long as people hide the ignorance about these illnesses will remain. You might have to be less honest at work but your family should know about it and everyone should make it a point to learn about bipolar and about how to support you.

[Ssheena]

You might want to ask your Dr. for something for the anxiety you are feeling.

 

I wish you all the best with this. I've been on Paxil before (it's faster acting and gets in your system faster than Prozac), am on Prozac now, have tried Wellbutrin and have my emergency stash/script for an anti-anxiety med (adivan).

 

Please continue to post here if you need help and in an emergency, do go to the emergency room. You are your top priority here.

(BIG HUG!)

[luvtoto]

and do NOT listen to some poster who tries to prescribe a drug dose for you - GRRRRRR.

Alpha, did you take my prescription pad again?!

[SoCalCatman72]

Hey there PuppyDogEyes, I feel your frustration and anxiety.

 

I am also Bipolar II, and while it's no picnic, I am glad it's not Bipolar I, which is much much worse.

 

Every case is different and responds to different medications, the important part is to be brutally honest with your doctor, to get the right combination of meds.

 

I personally am on 15mg Zyprexa and I use St. Johns' Wort as a hollistic SSRI along with Essential Omega Oils. It seems to work for me most of the time.

 

I wish you luck and support on your path to a better life.

 

The Catman.

[RecordProducer]

PDE, first of all, if any "friend" ditches you over this then they're not your friends and you better know this. We can hide our skeletons, but we can't hide our behavior from people. And why would we? if you have to fake and pretend you're someone else then what's the point of having friends at all? So they can gossip about their bosses with you? You don't need to advertise anything about you, but you don't have to hide your illness either.

 

Always ask for a second (and third, if necessary) opinion when major diagnosis is presented to you about your health.

 

As much as I know about medicine, when a medication is NOT working or has bad side effects, doctors seek another. The medication is supposed to help you. You're being a "good girl" for taking your medication though. Medicines DO help a lot in mental disorders. My husband's ex-wife is bipolar and doesn't want to see a therapist or take ANY medications. In addition she does drugs and feels terrible.

 

My ex-BF's sister has some severe mental illness, I forgot what exactly. She was on some medication and functioning very well. Then her BF persuaded her to get off the medicine. Her mental health worsened greatly and she never recovered from that.

 

Medications ARE important and so are good doctors. Don't take this lightly. You can be helped, but you may not give up and give in. Find a good doctor. Be optimistic about this whole thing. Tell yourself that you can do it only if you want to. You can find the best therapy for your chemical combination and feel fine. You can function like a happy human being. But you need to find the right doctor and medication. Take one step at a time.

 

1. Find the right doctor.

2. Discover the right therapy (cooperate with the doctor in finding the proper medication, try different ones - at the doctor's recommendation, of course - and find the one that makes you function well without mood swings, depression, etc.)

3. Find the right counselor for psychotherapy. This should help you deal with all aspects of your disorder separately: your fear, your disappointment, your hopes, faith, relationships with people, etc.

 

4. Next step, work on yourself and try to form self-discipline that will help you fight the disorder (avoid stress, drugs, alcohol, arguing with people, etc.)

 

5. Find ways to be happy. Happiness is the best cure for every disease. But it takes a lot of faith to collect enough energy in order to achieve happiness.

 

You can do it! If you have faith - you have it all!! Trust me on this.

[michelangelo]

She laid it out just right.

 

As an aside, my father was a psychiatrist. One time he commented to me that a sign that the meds were working was that a patient would decide (without consulting the doctor) to stop taking the medication because they feel better.

 

The result? Backsliding, maybe worse off than before. However, not irreversible.

 

If you stay monitored by your doctor, they'll adjust your meds to the right tuning for how you feel.

 

Good luck in getting yourself well!

[blind_otter]

My daughter has bi-polar and she takes Lexapro and Abilify together.

 

I'm taking abilify and it has been like a miracle drug for me. I still have mood swings but not so horribly - and I'm probably going to get upped with my dosage soon anyways.

 

OP - research. do what you need to do to make yourself comfortable. Understand that these things are not completely out of your control. There ARE things you can do until your appointment. Schedule your days, and have backup plans for when your mood starts to dip. Take it easy on yourself. get enough sleep if possible. Work off excess energy with exercise. I will say a prayer for you right now.

 

Be well and keep getting support. There is a lot of information out there, and I always feel better doing research for some reason.

[PuppyDogEyes]

Thank you all for replying to my post. I apologize for taking a while to respond, but I wanted to be able to collect my thoughts together enough so that I could address all of the excellent points that I’ve read here.

 

I have decided that I can get better. It’s called doing what my therapist and my doctor tell me to do. If that means staying on the Paxil until I can be re-evaluated, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

 

And by seeking treatment for this, I am taking responsibility for the actions that I have performed, both by acknowledging that I have a problem that may have hurt people in the past, and by recognizing that I don’t have to hurt myself or others anymore in the future.

 

 

 

RP and B_O, I appreciate the tips and suggestions. I will definitely try to work on not getting upset with people, as I’ve noticed that getting angry will definitely set the depression off. I am dreading the Thanksgiving holiday, though, as I’ll be with my family – and I have the family from hell, every bad stereotype that you’ve ever seen about a battling holiday family, it applies to mine and then some. I’m thinking that maybe I’ll make a quick appearance, come up with an excuse not to stay long. “I’m not feeling well.” Well, it would only be the truth in my case, really, so it’s not even a lie. And I’m working on my sleep, although on some days I can only get maybe 4 hours a night, others it’ll be 10, even 12.

 

During my downtimes, I have trouble concentrating on doing things. A friend of mine (one of the few who know about my problem) suggested that I just try to focus on one thing, and repeat the word to myself if I have to. I’ll often not eat while I’m cycling down, so he suggested that I make a sandwich – when I told him I had no energy to even bother with it, he said, “Just do this. Say the word ‘sandwich’ over and over again, and take your time.” I tried that last night, and it did work, so maybe I’m going to use that technique while I’m waiting on the appointment. One thing at a time. I have unfortunately started to notice the ‘racing thoughts’ that seem to accompany this disorder, as I have trouble speaking my mind while cycling up.

 

God, this is hell no matter which way I’m going.

 

I hope that the new medicine will straighten me out, because everything I do is being affected – some days I go to work and I’m absolutely brilliant in my performance. And other days I drag myself in and can barely function on a competent level. It’s getting so that my supervisors don’t know what to think or what to expect, and in truth I’m not sure I know anymore, either.

 

I have no intention of stopping the Paxil, even though it’s not working well anymore – I’m afraid to think of what I would be like with no medication at all. I’m barely getting by now, to be honest. The only thing that I can do is continue to follow my pdoc’s instructions, to the letter. Hopefully the first combination that they try will work – I know that I need to keep trying until something does, but I’m petrified of getting a combination that’ll make me worse off than I already am. I’m also scared that they’ll find something that works, and it’ll wear off over time, just like the Paxil stopped working.

 

I guess I really need to share these concerns with the specialist, but it’s weighing on my mind. What little there is of it left, anyway. Heh.

 

For now I’m not telling anyone about what’s going on – my family wouldn’t understand, and my workplace, although tolerant, may not either. A couple of close friends know, but that’s about all. And of course, all of you here. I’ll continue to update when I’m able to. And I do appreciate everyone’s input and concerns. I’m open to hearing more, of course – especially from those who have this disorder or know someone who does. This is all frightening and new to me.

 

Thanks.

[blind_otter]

I understand what you;re going through more than you know.

[PuppyDogEyes]

Thought I'd pop back in and give an update, for anyone interested.

 

They tried me on a couple of drugs - they took me off of the Paxil and went to Topamax, which strung me out and made me a literal zombie. I was incredibly sick over the Christmas holidays and into January - a lot of things from that time period I don't even remember, as I was either sleeping most of the time or having panic attacks. God, I was so scared - for a long time I thought I was going to die. And the Topamax worsened my condition to the point where I was having suicidal feelings almost non-stop. If it hadn't been for a very close friend more or less talking to me 24/7, I think I would have done something really, really stupid.

 

They put me on Prozac on February 1st, and I'm in the middle of waiting it out, but I can already say that this one is working much, much better than anything else I've tried yet. I'm still having ups and downs, but they're not nearly as pronounced or as long-lasting. I should have a final talk with my pdoc in the beginning of April to see if this med is the "right one", but so far, so good. I'm very hopeful.

 

The therapy is proceeding well. I've worked out a lot of issues that were plaguing me, and I've made some drastic changes in the way I live, the way I approach situations, and the way I behave toward people. I've recognized that blame is a useless action, whether it's self-blame or blaming others for problems. In the end, complaining takes valuable time, time that could be spent working on the issue at hand. I'm learning to forgive, one step at a time. It sure is hard - in my mind, some things still can't be forgiven - but I'm trying. Every day.

 

I'm still walking through the darkness, but I'm starting to see a light ahead, however faint. I still struggle with fear a lot of the time, because the majority of my life has been all about fear. But again, it's a process. One step forward.

 

I'm getting better.

 

-pde.

[Ssheena]

I'm so glad to know you are making progress and feeling much better especially after your hellish January.

 

All the best to you.

[Curmudgeon]

Thought I'd pop back in and give an update, for anyone interested.

 

They tried me on a couple of drugs - they took me off of the Paxil and went to Topamax, which strung me out and made me a literal zombie. I was incredibly sick over the Christmas holidays and into January - a lot of things from that time period I don't even remember, as I was either sleeping most of the time or having panic attacks. God, I was so scared - for a long time I thought I was going to die. And the Topamax worsened my condition to the point where I was having suicidal feelings almost non-stop. If it hadn't been for a very close friend more or less talking to me 24/7, I think I would have done something really, really stupid.

 

They put me on Prozac on February 1st, and I'm in the middle of waiting it out, but I can already say that this one is working much, much better than anything else I've tried yet. I'm still having ups and downs, but they're not nearly as pronounced or as long-lasting. I should have a final talk with my pdoc in the beginning of April to see if this med is the "right one", but so far, so good. I'm very hopeful.

 

Are they only treating the depression? If so then something is possibly out of whack. Treatment for bipolar 2 usually requires both an antidepressant AND a mood stabilizer (usually the off-label use of an anti-seizure drug like Depakote or Seroquel). That way both "poles" get treated, not just one. Treating only the depression can actually make it worse to include enhancement of suicidal ideations.

 

My wife is bipolar type II and we've been through the medication merry-go-round several times. Psychotropics lose their effectiveness after awhile because the body eventually builds up a resistance and the fun has to begin all over again.

[whichwayisup]

I'm glad you're feeling better.

 

Make sure you celebrate EVERY day that you feel great. It will help build you up, make you feel more positive.

I know with me at times, I forget to pat myself on the back for the little things I've accomplished since I've been dealing with my anxiety disorder.

 

I will suggest for you to get into doing Yoga. It helps not only physically, but mentally too.

[Curmudgeon]

if you are diagnosed bipolar then you should not be taking and SSRIs such as Paxil. Eventually it will push you into a severe Manic phase. But you must talk with your doctor first.

 

Basically, people with bipolar must be very careful with anti-depressants.

 

Part 1, totally incorrect. SSRIs, SNRIs and SNDRIs are all appropriate for treatment of the depressive pole of bipolar disorder (I'm in the "business" and NOT the pharmaceutical side of it).

 

Part 2, correct. Treating only one pole can very often make things worse.