interesting, but horrible!

[Guest]

I dated someone I think I was in love with for two years, then a third off and on because of distance. I am positive he loved me though, you just know. During the off and on year i slept with one of his best friends since elementry school, then proceeded to date the best friend for six months, until about two weeks ago. I know how horrible I sound, but there is no way i can explain my actions, the whole time i was dating his best friend, i felt disgusted with myself and it ate away at my conscience every second, but for some reason couldn't end it. i called my ex on numerous occasions crying, even though I knew how bad it hurt him to hear my voice, i wanted him to know how horrible i felt. the meaningless relationship with his friend ended mutually and it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

 

My ex agreed to go out to dinner with me to discuss everything because i have been asking him to forever. he has holds his pride very high and he is probably one of the most rational people i have ever met. I have been the only one in his life besides his mom every that can cause him to think with his heart rather than his head, and i cant tell in his voice and actions he still cares deeply for me. I want what we had back, but ther is no way i can explain my actions, i dont know if he will ever be able to look at me the same.. but i want him to! what do i do? has anyone ever been in a similar situation?