funkify Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 I'd like to hear from those of you who were in long-term relationships and expected to marry that person however you knew they were not the One. What made you feel that way? I'm not talking about obvious reasons like abuse and general bad behaviour from your partner. Sometimes your partner could've been almost perfect yet you knew they were not the one for you. They say this 'intuition' comes with age or experience, and so I'd like from the wisdom of those who've travelled more in life and love. Hopefully this thread with help others out there too. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 it a very subjective uneasiness that eats away at your soul Link to post Share on other sites
Wantingtogetitright Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 I had been with my ex for 5 years I was aged 26 - 32 and then we broke up for about 6 months. Neither of us saw anyone else in that period of time but took time out to reavaluate. It was mainly his decision to split and I tried to fight it but in the end he was determine it was over. He then realised he missed me and wanted us to get back. He come to visit for a weekend and we talked the whole time. We agreed to give it another go and he moved back in about 6 weeks later. For the first month it was awesome, we went on a picnic one afternoon and he proposed. I told him I loved him but couldn't say yes yet until we were more settled again and I said ask me again in 6 months. For the next month I thought and thought about it and simply could not see myself with him. When you imagine spending the rest of your life with someone it should instill the most amazing happiness and excitement in you not doubt. That was when I knew. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 We were engaged, and got an apartment together. The day of the move, he and his friends went to get more of my stuff and I remember sitting at the dining table thinking I had just made the biggest mistake. I thought it was just jitters - lots of change in my life at the time. I had just finished grad school, got a new job, and moved out of the city (which I loved) and out to the suburbs (so he could be closer to his job and more in his comfort zone - he didn't like paying city rents, and he wanted a garage and blah blah blah). Anyway, I thought I just needed to let all the changes settle, but it turned out they never did. Everything he did started to annoy the hell out of me. I started spending less and less time with him and more and more time with my friends in the city. I started noticing his passive-aggressive side that made me want to smack him. I started noticing a lot of his moodier/depressive personality traits. Finally, I started noticing other guys. That's when I moved out and ended things. Link to post Share on other sites
pinenuts Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 when you find yourself spending most of the time convince yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
NEWDAY Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 Little things begin to annoy you- the way they pick their teeth after meals, scratch in public, tell the same boring stories over and over, need to be ego-stroked, all that stuff. Instead of it being an endearing little quirk that makes you feel affectionate, you want to punch their face in and take out a full page ad to tell the world what a loser they are. Then you know it's time to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 it a very subjective uneasiness that eats away at your soul Completely agree with Alpha. That's a good way to describe it. I could never define it. There wasn't anything really wrong. I should've been ecstatic when he proposed. Can't really describe it without huge long detail... It just made me feel worried/bothered and I couldn't figure out why when things seemed to be great and everything a woman could want. Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 I would say it doesn't matter, that feeling of knowing they are "the one", as a high percentage of people who felt they had found "the one" still end up divorced. Link to post Share on other sites
Kinger25 Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 I was with my ex boyfriend for 8 years. I got together with him when I was only 17 and he was 26 but it just seemed right at the time. I had 8 wonderful years with him. Ups and downs, high's and lows, but I loved him with all my heart and still do .... BUT ..... He wasn't "The One". I never even thought about marriage or children with him. I never asked him if he ever wanted to get married and I never wanted him to propose to me. Not because I didn't care for him, but just because I somehow knew deep down that we were not destined to be together forever. Alot of the pressure was taken off of our relationship because neither of us had a desire to get married. My relationship ended with him about 1 yr 6 mnths ago and I have been with my current BF for a year. Its totally different with my new BF cause I would marry him on the spot NOW!!! I feel as though I want to spend the rest of my life with him already, even though its only early days. I feel things for him that I never felt for my ex, even right at the beginning of my previous relationship. So really its about experience aswell I think. People change as they get older and you begin to value things differently. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 I agree with the poster who said it's a sort of uneasiness that you can't shake. I had that feeling for years. It became very overwhelming and I actually became quite depressed. I WANTED him to be the one. I really did. But he wasn't and isn't today. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 IMO the easiest way to tell is if you have significantly more personal conflict with them than with your long-standing friends of the same sex. If you are arguing once a month with your lover, and once a year with your other friends, they aren't the one for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 When they pick their nose in front of you. When their renditions of famous comics ( and miserably so ) annoy the heck out of you. When they are constantly broke and there is no end in sight .. When video games become their lover. When they want to spend 4 hours talking about themselves and barely let you get a word in edgewise. When the sex is all about them. ( yuck ! ) Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted November 19, 2006 Share Posted November 19, 2006 For me it was when I stopped feeling anything at all. He was really controlling, though, and he had a drug/alcohol problem that cost me alot of money. He also tried to turn our apartment in to a dorm room for he and his buddies. I stopped wanting him sexually. I was only happy when I wasn't around him. I actually considered cheating on him at one point. I stopped feeling sorry for him, and stopped trying to "fix" him. At that point, when I finally gave up and became numb, I left. Today, he is in jail on an Indian Reservation for drunk driving and drug trafficking. Link to post Share on other sites
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