buu Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 Before I met my wife I had both male and female friends. Most I grew up with and known them since High school. I usually try to keep in touch with them as often as possible. Like at least once every few weeks or so. But since I have gotten married, visiting friends is becoming a rare occurrence for me. I do understand that Wife comes 1st for me but I do miss hanging with them. We use to watch games, movies, play cards, cookouts ect. That’s not what is really bothering me at the moment. What really bothers me is a list of things. She has a problem wit me inviting friends over. (even male) She don’t want me hanging out with friends. (even male) She REALLY has a problem with my female friends and pretty much don’t want me associating with them what so ever. Hell she don’t even like me talking to them on the phone. I feel as if you need to meet someone before you judge them. Of course I do ask (beg) her to come with me when I get an invitation but she easily turns the offer down and insist the I don’t go because she “knows how women think” and it turns into a big debate. I don’t think her logic is fair and is blinded by jealousy based on no rationality. It gets frustrating sometimes and I don’t wanna loose any of my friends behind her jealous ways. Is this a little toom much insecurity or is it just me? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 She REALLY has a problem with my female friends and pretty much don’t want me associating with them what so ever. Hell she don’t even like me talking to them on the phone. I feel as if you need to meet someone before you judge them. Of course I do ask (beg) her to come with me when I get an invitation but she easily turns the offer down and insist the I don’t go because she “knows how women think” and it turns into a big debate. There are two possibilities as far as I can see. Either she's had an upsetting episode in her life involving a boyfriend with a female friend, or she's projecting her own brand of thinking onto other women. If it's the former, then perhaps a bit of extended discussion and understanding for the reasons underlying her insecurities will help to ease them. If it's the latter - Houston, you have a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. Emo Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 Before the two of you got married, how did your wife react to you going out with your friends? Did she voice any type of unapproval concerning your female friends back then, or did she act like she was ok with it? Personally, I don't think a married man should be going out w/female friends without his wife. Are these female friends also married? As a married woman, I wouldn't appreciate my husband being invited out by single female friends, nor would I like the telephone conversations. I think the only woman you should be concerned about is your wife. It doesn't seem fair though, that she doesn't want you to socialize at all with your male friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author buu Posted November 19, 2006 Author Share Posted November 19, 2006 Personally, I don't think a married man should be going out w/female friends without his wife. Are these female friends also married? OF course I would not go out with any woman without my wife, their spouse, or a third, fourth or fifth wheel. That indeed would cause friction. Thats why I BEG her to come along. When I use to hang out with them it would always be 4 or more ppl together. I honestly cannot recall a time when I got together with my friends(female) and its just us one on one. Did she voice any type of unapproval concerning your female friends back then, or did she act like she was ok with it? I would ask her to come with us but she never would. did not say too much about it accept have fun and be careful. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 19, 2006 Share Posted November 19, 2006 That's over the top - does she really expect that you should have absolutely NO social life or friends of any kind? You are going to have to put your foot down and explain to her that's not possible. It's your home too, and you ought to be able to invite your friends to the house. What could her reasoning possibly be for not allowing that? Even convicted prisoners are allowed visitors. You also should be able to go out with your friends, and if she chooses not to go with you, she's free to make that choice. But expecting you to stay home with her alone and never go out with your friends is just going to make your resentment build and build until you don't want to come home at all. Your wife cannot expect that she is to be your only social contact for the rest of your life. That's insane. Does SHE have friends of her own? Does she invite them to your home? Does she go out ever? Does she invite you to go with her? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 19, 2006 Share Posted November 19, 2006 OF course I would not go out with any woman without my wife, their spouse, or a third, fourth or fifth wheel. That indeed would cause friction. Thats why I BEG her to come along. When I use to hang out with them it would always be 4 or more ppl together. I honestly cannot recall a time when I got together with my friends(female) and its just us one on one. I would ask her to come with us but she never would. did not say too much about it accept have fun and be careful. If she was ok with it before, why is it such a big deal now? Have you asked her that? Have you told her that you didn't agree to give up all your friends when you got married? Have you told her how much this bothers you? Link to post Share on other sites
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