past child abuse.

[Crystal]

this is more of a question i dont know what heading to put it under.

 

i was hoping that someone would have an answer anyway.

i am reading this book about child abuse, and i know for the most part that child abuse is referred to as children.

 

what i'm trying to figure out is what age would it constitute?

i dont remember any real child abuse when i was little like under the age of nine.

 

however as i grew up and into my pre-teens to early teens i feel i was quite verbally abused by my sisters/brother and mother.

 

so would be considered abuse if at that age it is brought on more or less from your own teenage rebellion?

 

this book i'm reading is called "reclaiming yourlife" and i am trying to help myself put my life back together and this book has these exercises and i'm just not sure how to answer them without a time frame for what age abuse would consist of.

 

if anyone has any ideas on this i would be very thankful so i can go back and continue my journey. thank you, Crystal

[velvet]

You should always be a baby in your parents eye. Sure they see you as an adult when you grow into one. Although, always their baby!

 

Alot of people grow in up in an unhealthy enviroment, some healthy enviroment. Some without parents. Depends on how bad the abuse was.

 

I know a lady now who has three kids. These three are pure terror. They just moved into a nice community and the neighbors are already complaining about the kids. I listen to their mom talk all the time about the kids. How she had to stop going to school among other things becuase she has to constantly supervise them when their home from school. The kids are btw 11-15 years of age. Everyday one calls the office from school becuase they have been kicked out. They have kicked out of military school even. I watch as their moma will cry all the time, helpless. Shes had the police come out and talk to them. Shes let them spend a day in jail to show them the road their headed on. She loves them put only a person can take so much regardless if a parent or not.

 

I dont know if your saying your rebelious ways were enough to for the other family memebers to give you a hard time back. You need to give us more details to get a better picture for better advice.

[Crystal]

i'm sorry velvet, maybe i should of been more specific at least about my age.

 

i am now 45 years old and trying to come to grips with alot of problems i have and have had for quite some time now.

 

in counseling it was was suggested about the fact of being four years old and left in a hospital for five months with T.B. that that could be having an impact on my life now since it has not really changed ever.

 

the kind of abuse i am talking about it mostly sibling rivarly stuff i guess. maybe alot of it is common but i was/am an extremely sensitive person whose feelings and emotions get hurt over very little things.

 

i grew up hearing things like "shut up, we dont want to listen to you" "shut up, you dont have anything worth saying" things to that effect that i was not worth listening to.

 

these things started when i was around 1-13 years old, by the time i was in my teens i had run away more times then i could count.

 

i dropped out of school and by age 18 had two babies. the thing is i still believe to this day that nothing i say is worth hearing so i sit so quietly and am perceived as being anti-social when all i really want to do is talk tosomeone who may listen.

 

i know this sounds sad for someone my age to feel this way from my child hood but it is something i need to work on to hopefully heal the hurts of my past so i can move forward now.

 

people say just forget it, but it is easy for them, maybe they have overcome adversity in their lives and that is good for them but it is not that easy for others, tho i try.

 

i dont really remember any thing else significant except what i've already said. that is why i'm trying to figure out if that age is too old for considering it abuse.

 

yes the book i have talks about verbal abuse but no where have i read at what age abuse is considered.

 

my brother was the worst, i hate him to this day, he was so mean to me i could cry thinking about it.

 

i never had a father, i dont even know his name...i tried to look upon my brother as a father figure and that fell flat in about a day.

 

he got mad at me because i would not go to the store for him and threw a scissors at me but he new he would miss me, but still i left the house crying saying to myself that my 'real' dad would never treat me that way.

 

anyway, probably too much info here, but you asked and i needed to share i guess..

 

thank you for the help.

[Ed]

You can be the victim of abuse at any age. Abuse is abuse no matter how old you are. When abuse occurs, who should be held accountable and who should step in or step up to end the abuse is sometimes complicated and controversial, but abuse is abuse at any age.

 

In the US, when one is a minor (under 18 years old), they are usually under the care of some adult (generally a person 18 or over). The "adult" is responsible for many (but not all) aspects of the child's behavior and well-being. We all know that some of these "responsible adults" are not very responsible for one reason or another and in some cases they are beyond irresponsible to the point of being negligent, abusive and even criminal.

 

No person in the world is responsible for the abuse that someone else inflicts upon them. However, if you are an adult or you have taken on the responsibilities of an adult it is your duty, as an adult, to do something about any abuse coming your way. If the person being abused is a minor, child or the like, it is generally someone else's duty to protect that person. Unfortunately, children and minors are often not protected and in many cases it is the responsible adult that is inflicting the abuse or allowing it to occur.

 

No matter how old you were when you were abused, once you are an adult you become accountable and responsible for dealing with the effects of that abuse. I commend you. It sounds like you are moving in the right direction and trying to do something to deal with your past. Keep up the self-work and the counseling. You will benefit from it in the long run.

[quankanne]

I really don't think there's a time limit that can be applied to abuse, whatever kind of abuse you're thinking about – just look at what the Catholic Church is going through today, all because some jerk priest found it more important to express himself by molesting his parishioner rather than controlling his problem. And we're talking about cases involving young kids, young adults, even adults that date back 5-10-20-30 years ago! Age has noting to do with it, IMHO, but rather, the act itself. And while all forms of abuse are bad, verbal abuse is probably the worst because EVERYONE can get in on the game (just think back to your junior high and high school days, when if you didn't conform or were part of the "in" crowd, life could be utter hell). I would say that verbal abuse is probably the most common kind there is, and it's emotional in nature as well.

 

Someone had mentioned visiting with a counselor to explore your feelings, which is a good idea. He or she will give you tools to help mend your emotional state and/or the way you approach your relationships with others. You are entitled to express your opinions/feelings, and even if the person in question doesn't want to hear them, that's okay. Sometimes it's more important to know that you've said your piece...

 

good luck in your journey of self-help!