What's going on with this girl with a boyfriend?

[Guest]

I just don't know what to think about this girl. She is in a few of my classes this semester (which is almost over). Okay, well here's the story.

 

I noticed that she was always looking over at me in class and I caught her staring at me several times. One class where I was in the back and she was in the front, she heard me talking to a girl next to me and she turns around and looks at me like she's jealous. Then, this other lecture class, one time I came just before class started and I saw her scanning the room to all the doors looking for me and when I finally arrived I could tell she had this happy look on her face. This is all before I ever talked to her. We are both very shy, BTW, so that's why all this looking at each other stuff was going on for about a month and a half before I finally talked to her.

 

So I finally decided she is definitely interested and I'm going to get to know her. I slowly got to know her just asking a few questions about class, then finally started to ask her about herself and turns out she has a boyfriend! I was so shocked by that cause she was so obviously interested in me. So I had to obviously put on the brakes a bit.

 

I've known her for about a month now and I asked her for coffee once which she declined with an excuse. It was just gonna be a friendly thing so it's not like I am trying to break her up or anything. The thing about her boyfriend is she hardly ever talks about him and I never see her with him on campus. Well, I have become friends with this girl in class now and she trusts me. She's very quiet and actually I am the only one I really have ever seen her talk to and she's in 3 of my classes.

 

We were talking about Thanksgiving plans this week and she mentioned her boyfriend wanted her to go across the country to the west coast to meet his parents cause they had never met, but when she said that she kinda laughed and was like "I don't wanna go" and so she's not going. It's just been like that, she never mentions her boyfriend, and doesn't seem to be thrilled about him, but she doesn't complain either. It must be a new relationship too since she hasn't met his parents yet. Obviously I am hoping they break up, but I'm just gonna continue to be her friend in the meantime.

 

Does anyone know what is going on here? She acts interested with all her glancing at me and she is starting to open up to me, but she still keeps her distance like not hanging out outside class. I really like her, but I don't want to have to wait too long for her to break up with her boyfriend.

[norajane]

It seems pretty clear. SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND. She's talking to you because she likes you and everyone on the planet needs friends, even if they're dating someone.

 

SO, be content with the friendship - if you can handle it - or stop being friends. Either way, forget a relationship, because she already has one regardless of whether she wants to meet his parents or not. Do not hang around waiting for her to break up with her boyfriend.

[Guest]

here's my $0.02 even though you didn't ask for it. sounds like you really like this girl. go for it...life's short. have you thought about other things though?

 

1. are you two strong enough friends that you'll be talking after the semester ends and class is over? if not, you better make your move by then buddy.

2. how long has she been going out with the boyfriend? if it's a new relationship, she really hasn't put all that much into it.

3. it it were me i would just open the door by saying "i know you have a boyfriend, but if things change and you ever want to do something or go out sometime i'm willing". that way she can make a choice and you don't have to feel like you pressured her or broke them up. it sounds like you guys are in college.

 

i don't know how old you both are, but i think she would respond in a mature way and not laugh at you or embarrass you for saying that or share it with anyone else.

4. c'mon she's happy to be around you and glancing at you all the time. what does that tell you?

5. she's not married and it doesn't sound like she and her guy are even serious. what if she's waiting for you to say something? i don't see too many obstacles.

 

just my humble opinion.