Always puts the ball in my court...

[higherground5]

So as I've mentioned several times, I've been together with this girl for about two months. Recently I've started to feel as if I'M always making plans with her to the point where she says "call me if you want to hang out". I hate to overanalyze little things, but is this a bad thing how she's starting to put the ball in my court? I mean she said this because I will be hanging out with one of my guy friends on Friday night, so perhaps she doesn't want to impose. However, if she really wanted to hang out, she would say "I want to see you".

 

Am I starting to become too availabe for her? Is this a bad sign?

 

Also, the other day we had a talk because she's very jealous of the girls that contact me, even knowing they are only friends. I had to calm her down to ensure her that I only have eyes for her and she's a priority in my life. She says that "I can now say with conviction that I love you, but what's a girl to think when I don't know what you are doing when I'm not around?".

 

It seems like she has an issue with trust, and I've never done anyting to violate the relationship. Is there something bigger going on here?

 

Please help someone.

 

thank you,

Forbin

[Spinderella]

It sounds as though she does have an issue with trust. Perhaps she is worried that she may appear needy if she says she wants to see you. I think also she may be confusing her feelings, well actually this all depends on how you define "love". It is hard to really love somebody if you feel very distrustful of them, but, she obviously is very smitten with you. It may be a good idea to reassure her, and also to tell her how you feel, in that you also feel a little unsure, as she never expresses that she would like to see you. It is always important to be very honest especially when you are trying to build up trust.

[westernxer]

How old are you guys?

[higherground5]

It sounds as though she does have an issue with trust. Perhaps she is worried that she may appear needy if she says she wants to see you. I think also she may be confusing her feelings, well actually this all depends on how you define "love". It is hard to really love somebody if you feel very distrustful of them, but, she obviously is very smitten with you. It may be a good idea to reassure her, and also to tell her how you feel, in that you also feel a little unsure, as she never expresses that she would like to see you. It is always important to be very honest especially when you are trying to build up trust.

 

I agree completely. I know she was in a previous relationsihp for a long time, and it was a very bad one because the kid walked all over her--he cheated on her several times with different women. Considering that aspect, I'm sure it would be hard for anyone not to worry. I definitely agree that if you love someone, trust comes along with it, but I'm sure there are expections. I sat her down and talked with her, and everything is fine now. I basically mentioned that I'm a different person then the person she dated before, and that she is very important to me in my life and I wouldnt do anything to hurt her, such as lie or cheat.

 

In regards to her not expressing she would like to see me, well, if you added up all the times we had dates, I definitely initiated the majority of them, which might be normal because I believe she is the type that needs a leader. However, it's just getting to consistent. I think I'm going to take a lay back approach and wait for her to make plans with me. Does that sound like a good idea?

[higherground5]

How old are you guys?

 

WE are in the mid-20's. I've been through many relationships to here and back, and so has she, so I don't think this is a question of immaturity of "you are still young blah blah".

 

Forbin

[Spinderella]

In regards to her not expressing she would like to see me, well, if you added up all the times we had dates, I definitely initiated the majority of them, which might be normal because I believe she is the type that needs a leader. However, it's just getting to consistent. I think I'm going to take a lay back approach and wait for her to make plans with me. Does that sound like a good idea?

 

I'm not so sure about this. Since her behaviour as regards initiating dates, appears to stem from insecurity, then perhaps being a little distant may be counter productive in that she will get more insecure, and of course, use even more measures of self protection. Perhaps the timing is not quite right. You have reassured her verbally, but, if your actions then seem to say a different story, it may shake the trust even more.

I would suggest to leave it a few weeks or so before taking the laid back approach.

On the other hand, it has to be a two way thing.

[norajane]

In regards to her not expressing she would like to see me, well, if you added up all the times we had dates, I definitely initiated the majority of them, which might be normal because I believe she is the type that needs a leader. However, it's just getting to consistent. I think I'm going to take a lay back approach and wait for her to make plans with me. Does that sound like a good idea?

 

You've only been together two months. I wouldn't necessarily initiate plans with a guy if we've only been dating two months.

 

Sounds like she has some insecurities about your relationship, probably because of her past experiences. In that case, when a girl says "call me if you want to hang out" she's saying it because she's not sure that you do want to hang out. She doesn't want to put herself on the line and risk rejection or risk appearing clingy by asking you out directly or by telling you she'd like to see you. She needs to KNOW you want to see her, and the only way she's going to KNOW and be reassured that you like her is if YOU do the asking out.

 

It's a defense mechanism, not an indication that she's not really interested in you. If you take the laid back approach andn wait for her to make plans, she's going to think you're not interested in her.