jealousy-how to let go

[sunshine79]

I am recently engaged. I have lived with my fiance for 2 years and known him for 3. Everything is wonderful...we have our own house, great friends, finances are getting better, but tehre is one thing that i can't stop tormenting myself over. i'm so jealous.

 

i got a lot better as the course of our relationship but my fiance knows i have jealousy issues, maybe insecurities, i dont know. anyway, i thougth i had it under control until this past weekend...

 

my fiance has a lot of friends, male and female. especially work associates...and they are scattered through out the united states. he never sees any but the main ones at his branch. there are a few HOT girls taht i get jealous over and i know he still talks to on the phone or via email. one actually was calling him a lot when tehy first met but i guess now she knows he's taken so she backed off and after i through a fit about her and how i don't trust her.

 

well last week my fiance went out with the guys...and for some reason i got a bad feeling...he is very attractive...he says i am but sometimes i don't measure half way up to the girls that go out and are fake...i'm so not a makeup fake girl. but i know guys like the boobs and legs and tan and all taht...and like i said my fiance is very attractive and can talk to anyone.

 

so when i got this bad feeling i made an excuse to go see him, i had his money, so i went in and had 2 beers and all he was doing was sitting with 2 other guys, one guy was hitting on a girl and the other just drinking...so i had no worries whatsoever and wish i hadn't gone...

 

since i wetn he has made comments that that was his time, i know it was and i shouldn't have went. i just had a bad feeling. i told him i thought he had enough of his time and that we'd come together for the closing fo the night (since me and him always go to this bar on that night he went but so happened i was out with a friend shopping) so since then he's been weird....

 

i'm going to be out of town for all day saturday and he's excited that i'm going to be gone. i don't get it. i do like me time and i know he needs it just like i do but to be excited about it and even tell me "yeah, i'm looking forward to the house to myself" kind of thing hurts my feelnigs. and then i go into the jealous mode...maybe he's meeting someone, maybe he lieks someone else and wants to talk to them..m.aybe it's one of his associates he met that is hudnreds of miles away, maybe it's hte girl that used to call...that i put a stop ot.

 

i don't know what my problem is...i'm scared he'll find someone else or hook up with someno...why?? i dont' know. he's never given me any reaso nt othink that. besides that he's defintely hot. i'm with him from teh time we get home from work unti lwe go to bed and then on teh weekends we spend the whole time together. maybe he's getting smothered or somethign? it's like he invites me to do everything he does and never acts like he doesn't want me to go until that night he was out drinking...

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i dotn' know if this makes any sense or if anyone can shine some light on my confusion...anything would be greatly appreciated...ii'm lost.

[JeT'Aime]

i really wouldn't worry about it until you find some reason to. i was like this before (jealous) and i still worried about it, like you. haha. well anyways, i think it made my boyfriend so mad that he went out and cheated on me. i know you're still going to have the feelings, but try not to show them. a girl with confidence is way better than a jealous girlfriend. good luck!

[sunshine79]

thanks for the reply. i did let go of my jealousy issues...i guess they have popped their evil head back out for some reason...just can't figure out what it is. i 'm freakin engaged for gosh sakes!! he asked to marry me...he has a better head on his shoulders than to mess anything up.

 

i just cant' get enough of him, and i think that may smother him a bit...i don't know...i just don't want another failed marriage so this is my way of putting my guard up so i cant' get hurt and so i won't fail i guess...

 

i don't think that i'm jealous to the point where i show it so much to make him want to go cheat on me. i have my guard up enough not to be overly confident that he thinks i cheated or i don't care and it's "okay".

[ash519]

Sunshine....We are in the same boat! I feel the same way. My bf and I are not engaged but he talks about it and I think we are heading in that direction.

 

My bf is in a band. I cater too. So, some of his shows (at bars etc) I cant make it too and I worry myself sick over "what if he meets someone else while playing?" etc etc etc!

 

Our jealousy and insecurities do have the possibilities of pushing our men away. I wish there was a way for all us jealous girls to get together, talk and really try and battle this. Like give ourselves little missions ya know. Like...when he goes out, no phone calls, no grief, just "have a great night baby." WHen they come home just "did you have fun?" NO..."Were there girls there, who were you with, was it busy etc etc etc".

 

I need to give my bf some space too and that is another goal we should work on! Maybe we should go to friends houses more...just be away so they can feel free to be alone etc. or with friends.

 

I know my bf loves me dearly but he also looks forward to having the apartment to himself.

 

We can do this! We need to! I know I am what he wants and you are what your fiance wants, but we can make a huge mistake and ruin that if they feel smothered!!!