Third Chance - Could you deal with this?

[badz2801]

Hello everyone,

 

I am looking for some advice and or opinions from individuals on taking someone back after a breakup. Specifically, after that person has had a sexual relationship with someone else, yet desires a relationship with you.

 

I am in a scenario in which I dated someone throughout college for about 2 ½ years. We broke up several times and got back together. We dealt with both the good and the bad. I have had trust issues with this individual (lying) and she has had issues with my level of control. In the end we both seem to care for one another; however one tends to hurt the other.

 

Specifically concerning the breakup, I became distant when I noticed her interest level was becoming less. She began lying and spending more time with her friends. Sex became less passionate and she allowed a male to move into her apartment. I told her he would create problems between us, as I was not comfortable with it (hey it’s the way I felt). She met this individual at work and needed another roommate to cover bills. She became good friends with this male, as he was interested in similar activities. They would go out to bars together, hang out with friends. Naturally, I felt the distance grow. We broke up in April, she was mad at me and wanted to hurt me. We broke up for a multitude of reasons; none of which included cheating.

 

She tried to reconcile in July; however, she wanted to go with her friend to the beach in North Carolina. At this point I was extremely mad about the fact that someone had walked into our lives and she had given priority to him. She would not do anything to reaffirm that the relationship was plutonic. She would say that he was her best friend (a title that I once held and formed my relationship on). The scales still seem imbalanced and she still seemed to prefer his company. Finally, I had enough and told her if she went to NC with him I was done. I wanted to see that I came first. In the end she went.

 

After July she apparently met a guy, which was friends with the individual who moved in from work. She slept with him and has been dating him since August. I should also add that both her male friend from work and I HATE one another. My ex has matching tattoos with this individual (I like the human body as is). Unfortunately every time I see that tattoo, it brings up the past.

 

We have had 8 months of separation. In that time we have spoken very little and she has moved on to another. She has tried on numerous attempts to get back together with me. One of my main problems is that I don’t let go of history.

 

In the last several months my ex has tried to get back together. She lives about 2 ½ hours away from me since college ended. Recently she called me (last night) begging me to get back together. She claims to miss our conversations and the friendship. She is still seeing this other guy and is still “best friends” with her old roommate. She told me she was willing to breakup with this other guy, stop talking to her roommate and replace the tattoo. She believes if we have a fresh start, be honest and try it will work. In other words she is serious about this offer.

 

I have serous issues with the idea.

 

1. The guy she is dating currently lives about 30 min from me.

2. Her “best friend” lives in the same area as her current fling.

3. She is lonely and I know I am her security blanket.

4. She has slept with this individual. (I can’t look at a person the same way once that happens, it’s never the same).

5. I have a better social position, (my family is well off), I make a high salary in computers and I have a house at 24 years old. Her current fling didn’t finish school.

6. I hold onto history, I don’t think I can forget or perhaps feel the same about her.

7. I have not slept with someone else, I loved her and I don’t move on to the next person as quickly. (I.e. I prefer to be alone after a breakup).

8. She knows my rule; if you sleep with someone else I am never coming back. Yet I seem to break my rules for this one girl (she is not my first gf, just the first which lasted over a year)

9. Trust, the lying and no real way to determine if she has broken things off without turning to counter surveillance. (Extreme in my opinion.)

 

You might ask why in the hell would I entertain this offer?

 

1. For one, things were not always bad. We talked well when things were good.

2. I am not easy to deal with, I am restless and she seems to understand me.

3. Despite the things she has done, I still love her to some degree even if we are not together.

4. This list is short (probably b/c I have focused on the negative to aid in moving on)

 

 

My question(s);

 

Have you ever taken someone back after they slept with someone else?

How did the relationship progress?

Does it still bug you?

How did you re-establish trust?

Were you able to move on and forget?

[laRubiaBonita]

1. For one, things were not always bad. We talked well when things were good.

2. I am not easy to deal with, I am restless and she seems to understand me.

3. Despite the things she has done, I still love her to some degree even if we are not together.4. This list is short (probably b/c I have focused on the negative to aid in moving on)

 

the bolded one is my favorite!

 

basically, you see her as the best, so far, to be in a relationship with cause she can Stand you and talk with you?

[Guest]

Well your half right. It isn't based on the only person that can stand me...its about a comfort level (an ability to speak plainly) and share an experience I enjoy. Its difficult to explain, but it is a pure emotional desire / response; logic does not exist here.

 

But its the truth, best thus far.

 

Its easier said than done in terms of walking away for good. Old times and old memories which craft the image or illusion of a person in your head v.s. reality.

[badz2801]

Well your half right. It isn't based on the only person that can stand me...its about a comfort level (an ability to speak plainly) and share an experience I enjoy. Its difficult to explain, but it is a pure emotional desire / response; logic does not exist here.

 

But its the truth, best thus far.

 

Its easier said than done in terms of walking away for good. Old times and old memories which craft the image or illusion of a person in your head v.s. reality.

 

I forgot to mention the two guys (roommate and fling) are best friends so when she visits one the other will be there.

[Guest]

The moment you said you have trust issues is the moment I say its over. once you have trust issues the relationship is dead.

Hello everyone,

 

I am looking for some advice and or opinions from individuals on taking someone back after a breakup. Specifically, after that person has had a sexual relationship with someone else, yet desires a relationship with you.

 

I am in a scenario in which I dated someone throughout college for about 2 ½ years. We broke up several times and got back together. We dealt with both the good and the bad. I have had trust issues with this individual (lying) and she has had issues with my level of control. In the end we both seem to care for one another; however one tends to hurt the other.

 

Specifically concerning the breakup, I became distant when I noticed her interest level was becoming less. She began lying and spending more time with her friends. Sex became less passionate and she allowed a male to move into her apartment. I told her he would create problems between us, as I was not comfortable with it (hey it’s the way I felt). She met this individual at work and needed another roommate to cover bills. She became good friends with this male, as he was interested in similar activities. They would go out to bars together, hang out with friends. Naturally, I felt the distance grow. We broke up in April, she was mad at me and wanted to hurt me. We broke up for a multitude of reasons; none of which included cheating.

 

She tried to reconcile in July; however, she wanted to go with her friend to the beach in North Carolina. At this point I was extremely mad about the fact that someone had walked into our lives and she had given priority to him. She would not do anything to reaffirm that the relationship was plutonic. She would say that he was her best friend (a title that I once held and formed my relationship on). The scales still seem imbalanced and she still seemed to prefer his company. Finally, I had enough and told her if she went to NC with him I was done. I wanted to see that I came first. In the end she went.

 

After July she apparently met a guy, which was friends with the individual who moved in from work. She slept with him and has been dating him since August. I should also add that both her male friend from work and I HATE one another. My ex has matching tattoos with this individual (I like the human body as is). Unfortunately every time I see that tattoo, it brings up the past.

 

We have had 8 months of separation. In that time we have spoken very little and she has moved on to another. She has tried on numerous attempts to get back together with me. One of my main problems is that I don’t let go of history.

 

In the last several months my ex has tried to get back together. She lives about 2 ½ hours away from me since college ended. Recently she called me (last night) begging me to get back together. She claims to miss our conversations and the friendship. She is still seeing this other guy and is still “best friends” with her old roommate. She told me she was willing to breakup with this other guy, stop talking to her roommate and replace the tattoo. She believes if we have a fresh start, be honest and try it will work. In other words she is serious about this offer.

 

I have serous issues with the idea.

 

1. The guy she is dating currently lives about 30 min from me.

2. Her “best friend” lives in the same area as her current fling.

3. She is lonely and I know I am her security blanket.

4. She has slept with this individual. (I can’t look at a person the same way once that happens, it’s never the same).

5. I have a better social position, (my family is well off), I make a high salary in computers and I have a house at 24 years old. Her current fling didn’t finish school.

6. I hold onto history, I don’t think I can forget or perhaps feel the same about her.

7. I have not slept with someone else, I loved her and I don’t move on to the next person as quickly. (I.e. I prefer to be alone after a breakup).

8. She knows my rule; if you sleep with someone else I am never coming back. Yet I seem to break my rules for this one girl (she is not my first gf, just the first which lasted over a year)

9. Trust, the lying and no real way to determine if she has broken things off without turning to counter surveillance. (Extreme in my opinion.)

 

You might ask why in the hell would I entertain this offer?

 

1. For one, things were not always bad. We talked well when things were good.

2. I am not easy to deal with, I am restless and she seems to understand me.

3. Despite the things she has done, I still love her to some degree even if we are not together.

4. This list is short (probably b/c I have focused on the negative to aid in moving on)

 

 

My question(s);

 

Have you ever taken someone back after they slept with someone else?

How did the relationship progress?

Does it still bug you?

How did you re-establish trust?

Were you able to move on and forget?

[badz2801]

Well the decision was made.

 

She changed her mind. She was not willing to give up her friendship with her old roommate or get a new tattoo.

 

She was only willing to give up the current boyfriend.

 

I said I couldn't handle having him in our lives or her seeing him (which means she would also see her current fling).

 

Oddly enough, she said she thought our connection ran deeper and that I should be able to accept them.

 

I replied with: Yeah I thought it ran deep too, until you refused to do what it would take to start over.

 

Time for someone new.