Only Been A Month But.....

[IpAncA]

Maybe I'm being paranoid here but this is sort of bothering me.

 

About a month ago I quit my recent job and went back to my original job because it was putting a huge strain on my marriage. My husband pretty much in a round about way threatened me with divorce if things didn't change and change real quick. Well needless to say that was a wake up call and I felt horrible for what I did.

 

What I'm getting at is that I can't stop thinking that if things to him seem like there not changing he'll follow through with what he said. I know I shouldn't feel like this but I guess I'm more conscious of it now.

I never used to be like this. I am around more, puting him first, and we are starting to do more things together like we used too but somehow I feel like it isn't enough.

 

But like I said maybe I'm just being paranoid because last night he mentioned that he wanted to visit his parents for Christmas and since we both have time off, it wouldn't conflict with anything. He said that we didn't have to make a decision on going yet but I could tell that he really wants to go because he hasn't seen his parents in quite some time. I don't mind going but they don't know whats been going on here. There are some days that I feel like things are ok and then there is some that I just don't know.

 

Maybe I need outside look here. Does it seem like things are moving along? I know that a months time isn't a lot of time to make things the way they were before. He did say that he forgave me but I get the feeling that he hasn't fully.

[norajane]

You should talk to him about this. Tell him that you were really startled by his statement about divorce, and though you understand that you needed the wake-up call and appreciate that he voiced his feelings to you, now you are feeling very insecure about your marriage...ask him if he is feeling better and whether you two are on the right track again.

 

From what you've said, it sounds like things are moving in the right direction. I doubt he would just up and divorce you! He was at the end of his rope and didn't know how else to get through to you about your job issues. But, he did that because he WANTS to stay together. If he didn't, he would have just let the two of you drift apart further until it was too late.

[IpAncA]

I thought about mentioning something but I didn't want to go looking for trouble and have him tell me that I should know or what do I think. Usually if he says that then that means that was dumb of me to ask because I should already know. True I should because I know him better then most people do but it's like I need this reassurance or something.

 

I'll just have to ride this out and see what happends. I shouldn't let this stuff creep up in my head because when I do then I second guess myself. Things do seem to be getting back to the way they were but it's moving at a slower pace then I expected. Usually things with us just blow over or we just forget about it.

 

Ugh..I wish that I could turn back time.

[CynicalP]

Well Check his actions and mannerisms rather then his words. Does he spontanteously come to you and touch, hug, kiss you or does he maintain a buffer zone? When you invade his personal space just he pull back or move closer to you? What about his body language suggest when your talking to him. These are the things you should look for more than his words cause he could be lying to avoid a confrontation or hurt you.

 

Just curious what was it about your last job that made him feel that a divorce was neccessary? Did if constantly effect your mood ie making you miserable. Did it take up all your time therefore you didnt invest any time with the hubby?

 

Does the current job make you happy versus your previous job?

[Great Gazoo]

 

Ugh..I wish that I could turn back time.

 

Don't we wish we all could. Things will never be the same as before, your marriage took a new turn in its path, you can't go back. Learn from the experience and make your marriage stronger. Don't be so paranoid just because things have changed. Marriage is like life, always changing. Your working on the problem thats the main thing, just remember to breathe once in awhile.

[IpAncA]

Well Check his actions and mannerisms rather then his words. Does he spontanteously come to you and touch, hug, kiss you or does he maintain a buffer zone? When you invade his personal space just he pull back or move closer to you? What about his body language suggest when your talking to him. These are the things you should look for more than his words cause he could be lying to avoid a confrontation or hurt you.

 

Just curious what was it about your last job that made him feel that a divorce was neccessary? Did if constantly effect your mood ie making you miserable. Did it take up all your time therefore you didnt invest any time with the hubby?

 

Does the current job make you happy versus your previous job?

 

I don't think he's lying because I can tell when he's not.

 

At first he didn't and I had to do more things but he's starting to come around.

 

Well to sum it up I pretty much ignored him for about o say about 5 months and I got so wrapped up in what I was doing that I put him pretty much last at a lot of things. I though that I would be able to work it out but I was wrong. So you can see why he wasn't quite thrilled with me and how that affected other things as well.

 

I wouldn't say that it affected my mood persay but I really had no time to do anything and I went on less sleep. Usually what would happen is that by the time I was done doing things he was either sleeping or was doing something else that didn't really interest me.

 

My current job is the same thing that I was doing before except that I have less stuff that I do and I was able to ground a couple of things so that I don't get bugged about it at home. I will say that it's less stressful.