Why am I so scared?

[KieraM]

Hello~

I found LS about 4 months ago when my husband told me he wanted a divorce. He moved out in August. By early this month, I realized I couldn't sit around all day hoping he'd come back. I had stopped working and I was pretty pathetic. Finally, by early November, I couldn't stand myself anymore! I went out and got a new job, started going out for happy hour again and was preparing myself for a heart wrenching divorce. I truly love him more than ever and it hasn't faded at all. I was going to divorce him if that's what he wanted, because I just want him to be happy.

 

Then, just when I was getting on with my life, he calls and says, "I'm coming back home. I mean, if you still want that." I don't even remember what I said. I think I stammered something about a Christmas tree. I went through ALL the emotions! First I cried for an hour. Then I got angry. Finally, I got to happy. But now, I'm scared and I have a lot of questions. If he's coming back, why not just do it now, why wait till Christmas? Is he coming back because he loves me? Or is it because of his financial troubles that he knows my parents can help with? He was dating another girl, who was here on a Tourist Visa...is she leaving? Is that why he's coming back?

 

What is wrong with me? Why am I not totally thrilled and why am I so scared? And can I ask him these things?

 

Please help...

[melodymatters]

Absolutely you should ask him these things !!! Try and be calm and rational and have a mature discussion.

 

he can't just say " i'm coming back" and thats the end of it ! You just went through hell !

 

on a positive note, maybe this is a chance to start anew and make your marriage a place where you both can be happy !!!

[miss snoopy]

It's normal to feel mixed emotions - after all he was recently prepared to throw away a marriage! Tread carefully, don't accept him back with open arms as he'll feel he can walk out in the future when it takes his fancy. And when he comes back don't walk on eggshells around him to convince him to stay - he should see you as the independent person he fell in love with who can take him or leave him.

[KieraM]

Thank you for the advice. And it's good to know it's normal to be confused. It's weird how that now I got a second chance to make this marriage work, I'm having doubts. Some of my friends are saying that the hard part is just beginning and others are saying that the hard part is over and it's only gonna get better... any opinions?

 

Also, my parents, especially my dad, are having a hard time with this. I think they're having a harder time than I am. They think that my H is stringing me along and that he'll do this again. Both are still supporting me and trying not to show their doubts. I feel bad for them. I think it's hardest to watch someone you love in pain, and there's nothing you can do to help. I never cried in front of them. I never let them know how much I was hurting. But they knew, and in retrospect, I think it hurt them more to know that when I was falling apart, I was still protecting them. What can I tell them so that they don't worry about me? LOL...as of now, I just keep smiling as hard as I can for them, hoping they buy it.

[silentcharon]

Be cautious. Don't be afraid to ask questions, as he was the one who wanted the divorce. Take things slow- figure out what it is YOU want.

 

Perhaps start "dating" him. Live seperately, and keep up with the good work you've been doing with your life. Go to both IC and MC, it might help you figure out what to do next, and see if this is what you want.

 

It's so important you find out why he's coming back- remember- Look at his actions, not his words.