dis00 Posted November 19, 2006 Share Posted November 19, 2006 First off i'd like to say hi About 18 months ago i decided that i didnt want to be with my grilfreind of 4 years because i thought that we going in different directions and she wanted answers to question like marrage, moving to another part of the country for hr job etc. At first things where good and i was having fun, going out with my mates. As of about 6 months ago i started thinking more and more about my ex up until now when i'm constantly thinking bout her and would do anything to get her back. We went for a drink a couple of weeks ago to catch up. She has been with someone else for about 5 months they way she explained it it didnt sound to serious and they only saw each other on weekends. I told her that i couldnt stop thinking about her and that i wanted her back on the night and she was really understanding. I sent her some flowers to say thankyou. I haven't had any contact with her since then although I really want to txt her. Is there any chance of me getting her back or am I to late? Dean Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 You're going to have to ask her. You didn't write much about how she acted to tell. I will say one thing. After a year of not being with anyone most people don't want to go back to the dumper. You've already proven you can hurt her. That being said, you're going to have to put yourself out there and tell her your intentions if you want to find out. She's not going to. But I wouldn't do it if she's in a committed relationship with this guy. It may just be wishful thinking that they're not that serious. Be sure to find out first. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 First off i'd like to say hi About 18 months ago i decided that i didnt want to be with my grilfreind of 4 years because i thought that we going in different directions and she wanted answers to question like marrage, moving to another part of the country for hr job etc. At first things where good and i was having fun, going out with my mates. As of about 6 months ago i started thinking more and more about my ex up until now when i'm constantly thinking bout her and would do anything to get her back. We went for a drink a couple of weeks ago to catch up. She has been with someone else for about 5 months they way she explained it it didnt sound to serious and they only saw each other on weekends. I told her that i couldnt stop thinking about her and that i wanted her back on the night and she was really understanding. I sent her some flowers to say thankyou. I haven't had any contact with her since then although I really want to txt her. If you want her back you should work your ass off and pursue her. You're going to have to work hard to show her you've changed and that you're serious about being with her. The fact that she went for a drink with you is positive. You have nothing to lose here, lay it on the table and ask her how she feels. It's been three months and I still want my ex back that dumped me. If he came back into my life I'd snatch him up quicker than a fat kid on a piece of cheesecake. It might not be easy, so be prepared for that. You're going to have to do something that has impact here. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
gonetildecember Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 See, now at least that gives us (those wanting their ex's back) some hope.. that yes.. despite everything..sometimes it does happen lol but its true.. you have to be prepared for the fact that she might make you work for it, especially since someone else is in the picture.. I'm sure you've read posts made by others talking about NC and healing time, and you're just going to have to take into consideration that she went through all of that and may not want you back.. but good luck.. I do hope your intentions are met with good results.. and thanks for at least giving me some hope Link to post Share on other sites
Eric102 Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I would say go with low expectations so you don't get hurt. I mean she knows you ended up a long term relationship once. So you gona have to play your way back into her heart. I mean I never believe what your ex-gf will tell you. Girls say one thing and mean another lol thas why we love them. Bascially look at your competition their's always that one annoying person Link to post Share on other sites
Author dis00 Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 when we were having a drink we were justing having general chat then she asks me if i've been happy which i havent. My grandad past away at the beginging of the year, i hate my job so i told her. she then ask me if i was seeing anyone which i'm not and havent been with anyone since her. I ask her and she says she is. I went to this dink with intentions of playing it cool and not talking about us but when she said she was seeing someone it hurt so much she would have read it on my face so i told her how gutted i was and that i had been thinking about her for 6 months. She was really nice about everything and understood how i felt because i had put her through it already. she said she still cae about me and wanted to be friends. so the next day i called in sick at work and i was on the computer and her sister comes online on msn. After about 10 mins of thinking about sending her a msg i say hi how you doing. It turns out its not her sister but the ex. She never comes online and i havent got her on my msn some how. she asks me how im doing and we talk more about the way i feel about her. I asked her if there was any chance of us getting back together which she replies saying that even if she was single it wouldnt be a good idea and that she wants to be friends. I ask her what she ment by friends, like going out shopping, clubbing, cinema stuff what friends do or just the occasional txt msg. She thinks we could be proper friends in the future. I honestly cant see that happening. So givng this whats the best whats the best course of action? I've been reading about the no contact but i think my situation requires contact. We havent spoke since that time on msn. Will she be expecting me to be chasing her and txting her? will she want that? Do i send her a letter? or do i go NC and hope see contacts me? whos court is the ball in? thanks for your advice Dean Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Dean, You're spot on about one thing. No contact would be completely illogical given that you let her go and she's dating someone else. However, she said she doesn't think it's a good idea and unfortunately, it sounds like she may have made up her mind. If she was angry or resentful you'd have a shot. She'd still care deeply about you if that were the case. But her reaction was very mild and she sounds a little like she feels bad for you. That means you've been completely demoted. If you decide to disregard the boyfriend (which I am not an advocate of as it's bad karma and I promise it will bite you in teh ass) then you're going to have to see if your pursuit pays off. You're going to have to try to subtly court her and spend time with her and just be patient. That's teh key. Wear her down with patience. If it doesn't work out with the other guy you may have a shot. Unfortunately from her reaction, I think it's a long shot. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Well, if you've asked, and she has said it's not a good idea. That sounds like your answer. It sounds like it's time to move on. I know that's not what you want to hear- but she's given you her honest answer about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dis00 Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 i've been thinking long and hard for the last couple of weeks and this is what i think will be the best plan I've told her how i feel and that i want her back so she knows that. If i make regular contact i think she will see it as me trying to get her back no matter what i say. With christmas approaching it give me a good reason to make contact without any thoughts of relationships. Hopefully because she knows how i feel she will start thinking about me more and make her remember our good times. My hope is that she will contact me in a month or so just as friends and by then i plan to be a happy person but not nescesserly over her, but she need not know that right? then if we can be friends maybe one day i'll get what i want but if not i've put myself in the best position to move on. also i have wrote her a letter which i have put off sending for a week. Should i send it now and then go NC hoping that the letter awakes some feelings inside her? Thanks again its really helping me cope. Dean Link to post Share on other sites
Author dis00 Posted November 20, 2006 Author Share Posted November 20, 2006 well maybe that plan is out the window. she came on msn today under her sisters account. I sent a msg saying hi hows tricks? and we talked for a bit mostly about jobs and christmas. we talked for about 20 mins then i said that i had to go and said take care and left. before we went out for a drink she never came online does this mean anything? Dean Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowfaerie Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I'm sorry to say it but after all this time I dont think there is any chance of gettting the relationship on track, especially as she has also said this to you. I know it hurts liek hell but you will have to accept it, and not look for clues in the small things she does. She states pretty clearly that she is nto after persuing the relationship with you and she would be on msn a hell of a lot more if she was. Thats nto to say that she wont want to soem time in the future but that may be far off. Do the things you said about moving on, dont send her the letter. Does NC mean no contact? I think thats what you shoudl stick to at this phase so long apart. Reply if she texts you but dont inititae, or to her sister on msn in the hope that it is her. Only reply if she has initiated it first and keep it light, dont ask to meet up etc.You may be able to move on this way. Good luck C x Link to post Share on other sites
gonetildecember Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 well maybe that plan is out the window. she came on msn today under her sisters account. I sent a msg saying hi hows tricks? and we talked for a bit mostly about jobs and christmas. we talked for about 20 mins then i said that i had to go and said take care and left. before we went out for a drink she never came online does this mean anything? Dean I don't reallly think her randomly coming online was an indication that she was looking for you. I say maybe give your plan a shot, give her the letter and leave it as that, go NC and see if/how she responds. She's already made it clear that she is with something else, so even sending the letter is a stretch.. but what do u have to lose.. who knows how she will react. If you don't get a response from her after the letter.. i say... let it go buddy, as hard as that will be for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dis00 Posted November 23, 2006 Author Share Posted November 23, 2006 she came online again last night and initiated the talk mainly because i had changed my display name as i have just got a new job and she asked me about it. At first we where just talking about the new job and stuff. She asks me if its ok for her to be talking to me and that she didnt want to make things worse for me. I asked her if she had felt anything since i told her how i felt about her and she said that she would be lying if she didnt say she had had some sleepless nights. Do you think this means anything? Link to post Share on other sites
phoenix21 Posted November 23, 2006 Share Posted November 23, 2006 Dean, I think you're course of action is to leave her alone for a while. You've already told her how you feel and now the ball is in her court. Now about what she said to you about it's not a good time and all that, you have to understand that she is with someone else and that is the right thing to say. Not to say that she's lying to you. I would look at her actions and not what she says. But you can't interpret it to make you feel better. Look at them as if you were an outsider. I am a believer that feelings are always there. It may not be as strong as before, but it's there. Sometimes you can do things to trigger it and they resurface and sometimes you just can't. And since she is with someone else, I don't know if you should do anything right now. I also believe in karma. What goes around comes around. The thing is you're not me or anyone else here on LS. You have to make your own decisions and making your own decisions also means dealing with the consequences. If you do want to get her back, I would STOP talking about your feelings. You have to attract her again and trigger those feelings again. Show her the side of you she hasn't seen, but I would give it some time first. You need to make sure you're ready to deal with what may happen. Prepare yourself for the worst. If you work really hard and she still doesn't respond, then it's time to move on. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 24, 2006 Share Posted November 24, 2006 i was in a similar situation and he use to talk to me online and say stuff like your ex - is its ok for him to be talking to me and that he didn't want to make things worse for me. etc... and the whole bit about sleepless nights etc... In the end it didn't change his mind, he wasn't interested and had moved on and yep it probably did make it worse for me the chatting online because I was reading stuff into that wasn't there. he was chatting as a friend and I was chatting because I wanted something more. Don't make the same mistake, she is being clear in her words, you're just confusing her but I doubt she will change her mind. Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
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