More has happened (I wrote the long one)

[SarahMarie]

I was the one who posted that long one recently.

 

I was all prepared for the next time I see him. I planned on acting like we used to before this mess. And no matter what he said or did, I was going to remind him that I will not be treated badly and will not be more than friends.

 

Here's what I just found out. I was on the phone with our mutual friend and she told me that he told her that last night, he stayed at the house of the girl that he was hanging on the other night. So maybe, it wasn't just to get me jealous. Or maybe it was. It's possible he thinks our friend would tell me. She and I have been hanging out together quite a bit lately. I don't know.

Anyway, it's bothering me and I needed to vent. Also, I thought I'd keep you all up to date in case any of the advice changes.

 

One other important fact about this guy. When he was 16, he was 'madly in love' (most likely as teenagers always think they are). His girlfriend died suddenly and I know from our mutual friend that he has never gotten over it. It's been 15 years and he only went to the gravestone 2 months ago (which is right around the time he started telling me that he's changed and could handle a relationship).

 

What do you think now?

[Tony T]

If he stayed with the girl to make you jealous, that was cruel and immature and you don't need someone like that. If he stayed with her because he was interested...or because he wanted a playmate for the night, that's his business.

 

In any case, you either need to resolve to be his buddy or just stay away from him. Continuing to engage your mind in garbage over this guy is a sure waste of time. You just don't need it.

 

Second, I find it very hard that this guy hasn't gotten over the death of his girlfriend 15 years ago, at least most of it. If he hasn't, serious psychopathology exists that he must seek treatment for.

 

Stop thinking about this guy, stop obsessing over this dude and move on with your life. Any guy who is out spending the night with other chicks has only a limited interest in you...if even that. Or he is plain and simply a player.

 

I guarantee you, there are lots of guys who could really want to be in your life. Drop this man from your mind and your life ASAP. I don't recommend trying to be his friend now. I don't think you can pull that off for a while.