crack_jack Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I need help to come to term with gf's past. She had 2 different lifes if i can say that. In younger age, lots of partying, fooling around and things. Then discovered God, became very religious and she just hates that other period now. Only found out about that a few weeks ago. I felt betrayed in a way, coz when i met her I would've never thought she's ever been like that. The thing is it's been bothering her a lot as well-she kinda punishes herself for all that past and she only seeked peace in God. I can see it's still quite sore. Our relationship has became quite different now. How can we overcome this? What's my part in it. I really think its worth it since we get along extremely well. Thanks ! Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Well what was in the past is in the past and there is nothing that can be done except to learn from it and move on. Sure she's sorry but dwelling on it isn't going to make it better. If you can move on past what she's done then you could tell her that what she did doesn't matter to you and that you don't look down on her for it. I don't really know her but I've done stuff when I was younger and yeah it buged me but I got over it because I realized that there was nothing that I could do about it except take responsibility for it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 The past is in the past. If you can't let that go then you two have no future together. Also, the past is what made her who she is today...The good, the bad and the ugly. Question - Before you found out about her past (which really isn't your business, she told you but she didn't have to tell you) did you love her? Respect her? IF so, then not much should change now. Again, if you can't get over this, then maybe you need to end things and find a woman who has a clean past that doesn't make you feel embarressed or ashamed. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 How can we overcome this? It isn't for her to overcome.. it seems it is for you to overcome.. How can you hold her past against her ? that would make you not a very cool guy if you did that.. You have a past too... we all do...She doesn't seem like she has lied about it.. You need to learn to grow up and be a man and realize that a woman's past should never be held against her.. Grow Up and stop making it a focal point in your relationship.. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 Well from what I read she has guilt issues about her past as well. You BOTH need to come to terms with the fact that the past no longer exists. It makes us who we are today, but that's it. The influence stops as soon as you allow it to stop because really, it's your choice to let it continue to influence how you feel today. Who wants to be a prisoner of the past? God doesn't want that for us. If she has sought reconciliation with God for her issues, she should maybe talk to her pastor about coming to terms with her past. For the OP, maybe you could go talk to her pastor together. That's what he's there for. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted November 20, 2006 Share Posted November 20, 2006 I read your other post.. if her not being a virgin is a deal breaker then you need to cut her loose.. 10 sexual partners is not that much given enough time.. We all can't have just 1 partner.. Please if you are going to hold her sexual past against her then please wish her well and move on from her.. don't try and make her feel ashamed from her not being a virgin.. She might have felt the need to hide her past because you are a virgin and you might have stressed your need to be with a virgin and she didn't want to lose you.. She might very well care alot about you that could be damaged from how you react to all this... Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted November 21, 2006 Share Posted November 21, 2006 Personally, I'd be more worried about the God thing than about the fact that she had some fun when she was younger. I'm only partly kidding. In all seriousness -- her past, i.e. what she did with her life before she met you, has NOTHING to do with you. You have no right to be bothered by it. She owes you no explanation or apology for the choices she made before she found God, met you, etc. I tell you this because it's exactly what you should be telling yourself. Every time her past bugs you, remind yourself that the past is the past, and that the present and future are what you should be focusing on. Obsessing about her past is only going to cause you pain, and may even cost you your relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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