My wife's best friend

[zigmund]

Any thoughts are welcome.

 

My wife and I were married 6 months ago after living with each other for just under 3 years. About 9 months ago (3 months before the wedding) my wife met a girl that quickly became her good friend. Although I immediately saw her beauty and charm, I passed it off as just one of those things that I need to grow past. We'll I haven't grown past it and i'm afraid im madly in love with her friend. My wife is such a wonderful caring person. I do not think I am in love with her. My thoughts and my heart have been going out to her friend mixing my heart up with a wonderful feeling i have for her. Because of very subtle flirting and other things that are hard to put into words I had been thinking that she might be feeling something similar. (She is currently living with a man - she openly expresses her unhappiness in this situation to me & my wife)

 

So the other day I called her up. We talked for about an hour and although it was not spoken in an exact sentence, we had an incredible conversation in which we talked about how we are both confused and that we need to pursue this if we can. My wife is 22, I'm 30. She would probably go live with her parents if something happened (i dont know) What I do know is that she loves me tremendously and she would just be in complete dis-belief if this all came down. I'm confused... - all i can think of is that at least I feel love- I've felt it before, but this is different.

[Cici]

This is very sad to hear. I feel for your wife. A similar thing happened to me...but it was my boyfriend of five months and my best friend of 10 years (so I suppose it's similar). They ended up sleeping together while I was away on a trip, and when I came home I was completely and utterly devestated. It took a few months before I could even think of the two of them without feeling such intense rage and disappointment.

 

You have made a committment to your wife. I know today that doesn't mean much...people are more interested in immediate gratification. My father put it very well (he's been married for 30 years). He said in marriage there will be times when you are attracted to another person, sometimes intensely, but because you made a solemn promise, you restrain yourself. I understand my two exs now (boyfriend and friend...I no longer speak to them, they ended up breaking up because of the strain on their relationship)...it wasn't excuseable but also wasn't as serious because I made no solemn promise to anyone.

 

My heart says you should be a stronger person, but my mind says you will end up hurting your wife and you will chose her friend. You will win, thinking of yourself only...leaving with a relationship, she will lose everything: her dear friend and her husband. But in breaking that promise, how good will any promises you make to anyone else be?

 

If you have no love for your wife, you should leave her. But please if you do, do not enter into any relationships for at least a few months afterward. At least let her keep the charade going in her mind that you truly cared for her.

 

I always believed that if you really loved someone, you wouldn't fall out of love with them. You would work hard to keep the love alive.

Any thoughts are welcome. My wife and I were married 6 months ago after living with each other for just under 3 years. About 9 months ago (3 months before the wedding) my wife met a girl that quickly became her good friend. Although I immediately saw her beauty and charm, I passed it off as just one of those things that I need to grow past. We'll I haven't grown past it and i'm afraid im madly in love with her friend. My wife is such a wonderful caring person. I do not think I am in love with her. My thoughts and my heart have been going out to her friend mixing my heart up with a wonderful feeling i have for her. Because of very subtle flirting and other things that are hard to put into words I had been thinking that she might be feeling something similar. (She is currently living with a man - she openly expresses her unhappiness in this situation to me & my wife) So the other day I called her up. We talked for about an hour and although it was not spoken in an exact sentence, we had an incredible conversation in which we talked about how we are both confused and that we need to pursue this if we can. My wife is 22, I'm 30. She would probably go live with her parents if something happened (i dont know) What I do know is that she loves me tremendously and she would just be in complete dis-belief if this all came down. I'm confused... - all i can think of is that at least I feel love- I've felt it before, but this is different.

[Joe]

When you married your wife, did you not declair in front of her and at least one witnesses your love and commitment to your wife? If you pursue this charm and beauty and break this vow, you will hurt your wife and bring dishonor to yourself. You may also incure the wrath of God if you were so foolish as to make this vow before God and break it. Either way, your words will condemn you. Keep your eyes focused on your wife and forget this other women.

 

Any thoughts are welcome. My wife and I were married 6 months ago after living with each other for just under 3 years. About 9 months ago (3 months before the wedding) my wife met a girl that quickly became her good friend. Although I immediately saw her beauty and charm, I passed it off as just one of those things that I need to grow past. We'll I haven't grown past it and i'm afraid im madly in love with her friend. My wife is such a wonderful caring person. I do not think I am in love with her. My thoughts and my heart have been going out to her friend mixing my heart up with a wonderful feeling i have for her. Because of very subtle flirting and other things that are hard to put into words I had been thinking that she might be feeling something similar. (She is currently living with a man - she openly expresses her unhappiness in this situation to me & my wife) So the other day I called her up. We talked for about an hour and although it was not spoken in an exact sentence, we had an incredible conversation in which we talked about how we are both confused and that we need to pursue this if we can. My wife is 22, I'm 30. She would probably go live with her parents if something happened (i dont know) What I do know is that she loves me tremendously and she would just be in complete dis-belief if this all came down. I'm confused... - all i can think of is that at least I feel love- I've felt it before, but this is different.